...aaaaaand I’m wide awake with my mind racing. Guess I’m up for the day.
I have been off school for a month and was able to work so I picked up 2 jobs, around 55-60 hours a week overnight. I just had my last overnight shift Friday and stayed up 24 hours straight on Saturday to force myself back to day shift. I know that’s why my insomnia is acting up. I know the fact that school starting back up is ramping up my anxiety even though I’m well-prepared. I hope that my sleep will improve as I settle into my new routine, but my stupid anxiety is telling me, maybe not! The hubby is having a very difficult time with his depression right now and I don’t know what to do. Starting tomorrow I’m going to be WAY less available to support him emotionally because I’ll be over an hour away every day, with classes and studying taking up almost every waking moment. I told him last night (for the second time in as many weeks) that he needs to talk to a professional after he shared his fear that he will Never be happy. He went to the first AA meeting he’s been to in years yesterday, so that’s something. I just worry that it’s not going to be enough for him.
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I also know I’m more than a little triggered right now from my recent talk with my sister. Between hearing that her best friend (whom I’ve known 30 years) and her child are in an abusive situation, and discussing our own related trauma, my feelings are stirred up. I know my medication is helping me because I don’t feel out of control, but I still feel something? Off-center? Unsettled? Sad? Definitely anxious, but also something else I can’t define. Difficulty concentrating and focusing my thoughts- kinda wish I could just call out sick from life and stay in bed.
Its good to hear that at least your medication is working for you but as you say your off center and you must be exhausted. your going through a lot just now with your hubby and you hearing your friends news too. although its great that you have each other to talk to. what i feel is that you need a really good sleep.is there no way you could call of work for today and go to bed, not to hide from life but to have a sleep. your working very long hours too. you cant take on everyone else's pain youv got enough of your own to deal with. i know im a bit like that myself. but when i got really really ill i had no one to help me and in a way thats helped me. because im getting better at looking after myself and caring for myself again. the best thing you could do is have a good sleep. im sure you would feel better after that. keep in touch. keep your chin up. hopefully everything will work out well. im thinking of you and sending you a hug. love grace xoxoxo 🤗
Grace, thank you for your kind words of support. I really needed to hear from someone this morning. I’m so glad you were here.
Friday was my last shift. I’m off from work for the semester and school starts back up tomorrow. I can take it a little easy, but I do have required reading I need to finish and I need to reach out to some family members that are going to be my patients in Clinc this semester. The problem is I feel so unfocused and unmotivated to do what I know I need to get done. :/
just take it bit my bit and dont think of it all at once as it will feel like a tremdous task. im glad to hear that you can take it a little easy today. love grace xoxo
thats really great news that he went to a meeting again. he went because he knows it will help him. its certainly not easy staying in AA. iv been sober 30 years plus now but iv still got to keep going i'v never drank in all that time. its whats between my ears thats the problem. there are people who have been sober far longer than me. 50 years plus and they have never taken a drink but they still need to go. at first they go for their drinking but realize they have to keep going for their thinking.wishing you both well. love grace xoxoxo
Thanks, Grace. I just reached out to my doctor to see what she thinks. I do have additional medication she prescribed to “take as needed”. (She knows I don’t have insurance so she gave me her email to consult!) I spent about 6 hours in bed yesterday afternoon without sleeping. I didn’t get up til my husband called to ask if I needed anything on his way home. I’m not functioning well right now.
An additional resource that I have found in focusonthefamily.com they have resources for depression, alcoholism, family difficulties, etc. Along with articles and podcasts they have a telephone number where you can speak to a professional to assist you in ways to find local help in addition to AA. Prayers for strength as it seems you have a heavy load. Also, bravo for being brave and working hard.
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