Depressed housewife

[Hiddenglow]

Hi I’m new here and just looking for a little positivity to make it through the day...

[Celtic27]

Hi there tampa welcome to this group are you having ongoing health issues or is this a new reason to seek advice! Do you have anxiety or depression that is affecting you on a daily basis I ask because there wasn't much in your post about yourself! Please take care and if you want to come back to the group with a clearer picture of how things are affecting you! David

[Stilltrying_]

Hi there and welcome. Would you like to introduce yourself some more to this amazingly caring group. Why do you think you are feeling down? Is there a history to it? Gemmalouise x

[Hidden]

Hello ..welcome to the site...I'm all about being positive..it breeds more positive for us..sure better than being negative, that's what I call bad joo-joo. You'll love being here...so many kind wonderful people, I'm included in that, haha...I'll be here for you if you need me. Make it shine today! Love, peace, light, joy & hugs for you!

[Hiddenglow]

Hi everyone and thank you all for the warm and positive welcome. I’ve use to be seen for my severe anxiety before I had kids and when i was still working. Soon after I had my first child(soon to be 7 years old) and a gastric weight lose surgery, my husband and I decided it was best for me to be a stay at home mom to help with financial needs. Since then, I haven’t been seen by anyone and haven’t taken any meds to help with my anxiety and that’s when my depression started. I have an appointment in the morning with a psychiatrist but I fear that my husband will not support the outcome. This is what has prevented me from seeking help in the past, my husbands disconcern and lack of empathy. I’ve also been struggling with depression even more soon after I lost so much weight because I don’t like my body and my confidence I had is no longer there. Yesterday, for the first time in a while, I decided to stop feeling bad for myself and try to make myself feel better by doing my hair and actually putting on clothes(other than sweatpants). The first thing my husband said to me is that I look like one of those mammoths from ice age 😔...so much for trying. Now I feel even more depressed because not only does he not show concern for my depression but he doesn’t even acknowledge when I’m trying to be better. I feel like a burden to him and that he’s only with me for the kids. He constantly brings up that he’s the only one working and that’s it’s him house and his car and he pays the bills and he makes everything happen. That makes me feel so worthless because this was once both our decisions to be a stay at home moms. I cook EVERYDAY, pack lunches everyday, clean excessively, handle all the bills and finances, take kids to and from school, doctors, sporting events, all while feeling worthless and depressed. My kids are the only thing keeping me going...I can’t give up. But I feel like giving up everyday because no one appreciates my struggles and sacrifices. No one sees how my husband belittles me and puts me down but I still keep going for my kids. All of My family support him because all they see is him working hard and providing for his family. They think I’m selfish and should just be happy that I have a husband willing to work and provide. And I am appreciative of him in that aspect. But that’s all he does, work and provide finanacially. He used to be my best friend that I could talk to about my feeling and now he seems to be my enemy and think I’m attacking him every time I express my feelings. So I have no one to express my feeling to, not him, not my family, no one that will understand me and hear me out and provide words of encouragement when I’m down. This is why I joined this group. To just hear something positive for a change...

[Hidden in reply to Hiddenglow]

Oh man what an ugly mess for you. I have to say I'm disappointed in your hubby..he should be your main support, this saddens me..so unfair to you. I'll bet your kids think you're fantastic and that is the toughest job in the world you're doing..I know I was a stay at home mom..no rest for us, is there? I hope you get peace of mind seeing the doc., mine has helped me greatly. Don't give up..fight the good fight for you, you're special..there's only one you, remember this, you can not be replaced! Love, peace, light, joy & hugs!

[Hiddenglow in reply to Hidden]

Wow, thank you so much! 🙏🏽 Your kind words mean so much right now. That’s all I need to hear from him...

[Hidden in reply to Hiddenglow]

He is in the wrong ..not you...keep your head up..I'm here for you if you need me..pm me if you want...I'll do my best to lift your spirits. Love, peace, light, joy & hugs for you!

[Hiddenglow in reply to Hidden]

Thank you again. Love, peace, light, joy & hugs 🤗 for you too!

[Hidden in reply to Hiddenglow]

Have you looked at your profile photo, your hubby should be all about you...one lucky guy he is. You my dear are beautiful..now know it! Love, peace, light, joy & hugs!

[Hiddenglow in reply to Hidden]

Snap chat filter lol. But thank you!

[Hidden in reply to Hiddenglow]

So who cares if there's a filter..all the stars do it...look into the mirror & tell yourself...I love me! I'm sorry for the late reply, I'm usually only on in the mornings. Love, peace, light, joy & hugs for you!

[Stilltrying_]

Thank you so much for sharing. That is a very comprehensive explanation. It can be so difficult for both parties when you are struggling to work and raise a family and remain friends and so on. I have found that men in general can be a bit cruel in their comments ( his comments about how you look) without necessarily a big feeling of malice on their part; they just see it as an "aside" comment and don't really think but I can see how hurtful that was to you as you have these body issues and lack confidence in yourself.

The immediate thing that comes to my mind is maybe to suggest to your husband that you do do a little part time work? Would that help do you think, in that it could reduce the pressure on him to be with sole "breadwinner" even though as you say you both decided at a certain time that this would be a good idea and your agreed on this. Also it could give you more of an outlet and meeting more people and maybe raise your confidence levels? If not work then maybe an interest group of your own?

I'm trying not to "take sides" in all of this as I'm sure your husband is probably feeling his own stresses. Sometimes it's just the communication breaks down a bit isn't it and also it's hard to keep those initial feelings going when so much of life problems get in the way.

I hope you find this site is supportive. I truly am sorry that you are down and it is a horrible place to be when you feel that you are not listened to or aknowledged and loved in the way you need to be. I would suggest finding a good time to talk to your hubby but not pile on the guilt. Maybe talk to him about doing something different together or going out somewhere as a family; just change the landscape a bit? Do you think this would help? x

[Hiddenglow in reply to Stilltrying_]

Thank you for you advice and understanding. I had a part time work at home job at HSN for a 1 1/2 years after my second child (she just turned 3). It helped me feel better being able to communicate with “adults” and not kids 24/7. That didn’t work out because his supervisor position requires 6-7 days a week, 12 hours a day, back and forth day shift/night shift at the split moment. So he still expected me to do everything a housewife does while working. I would ask for help with just taking the garbage to the curb or to help me dress the kids after their bath and it was a battle, so imagine if I asked him to pick them up from daycare or pick up a quick dinner on the way home lol. And child care expenses took all of my part time checks so I felt like what was the point? At least I was getting a break from the kids for a few hours...but then I got fired. That made me feel even worse and the fact that he was happy I got fired, made me feel even more depressed. I had a supervisor position as well for 8 years before we decided I will stay with the kids. I gave up my career so he could live his and it’s a struggle everyday that he doesn’t acknowledge it or how I feel. But I am selfish. I’m selfish for putting all my depressive moods and depressive feeling in his back. He can only hold so much and I have been overloading on him.

[Hidden]

My husband is so supportive of me that it amazes me, but he still does not really understand how depression feels or how depression makes me think. I've found that people who love me dearly that have not had depressive episodes don't quite get it either. They can love me, but when I need to talk, I end up with friends who have dealt with or are still dealing with depression. I'm assuming that it is the same with anxiety, though I don't struggle with those thoughts.

Instead of hoping your husband becomes an empathetic ear, you might find a girlfriend to talk things through with. I'm glad you you get to meet with a psychiatrist tomorrow. A diagnosis may help make the point that what you are going through is real and that you need more help than he can offer. That might take a heavy burden from him.

[Hiddenglow in reply to Hidden]

I don’t have many friends that understand me which is why I hope to find some supportive ones here.

[Hidden in reply to Hiddenglow]

I hope you find them, too. I hope I can be one myself.

[Hiddenglow in reply to Hidden]

Absolutely would love you as a friend! 💕

[Hiddenglow]

You are so right! Thank you!

[Teddy45 in reply to Hiddenglow]

It is horrible my husband is the same as you he puts me down all the time and being a housewife and mother is a full-time job so tell him to fuck off skews my language let him try and be a stay-at-home dad its bloody hard and you should hold your head up high he’s the one in the wrong he should support you through and through and so should your family but my family and husband are just the same they tell me to pull myself together and it’s all in my head depression and anxiety is it nice it makes you think different I used to be seven stone gone up to 11 stone now and my husband called me a fat bastard and that doesn’t make me feel good sometimes I feel like killing myself but I say to myself you got to keep going for your kids I just feel like saying to my husband to piss off because he makes me feel worse like you I’ve done my hair and make up and when he came in he didn’t And I know what you mean what is the point but you’ve got to do it for yourself not for him you take care and as I said before you can talk to me any time luv Dani x

[Hiddenglow in reply to Teddy45]

Thank you Dani. I appreciate your understanding and hate to hear that you are experiencing it to. But you are right, my kids is the only thing that keeps me going even when I feel like I can’t. We gotta gotta keep going for them if not for ourselves.

[Teddy45]

Hiya my name is Dani I know what you’re going through and no one understands unless I’ve been through it I’m fed up of people telling me to pull myself together and my reply to that is it’s like telling a coma patient to wake up it’s impossible. I have suffered with anxiety and depression since last February it is not nice and I’ve just moved to Cornwall don’t know anyone here so that hasn’t helped matters on venlafaxine a very low dose been on it now for just over six weeks but they say it can take 6 to 8 weeks I feel a little bit better not so anxious but I don’t know if you’ve ever experienced Like in unreel feeling it’s like I’m looking through a haze Any time you want to talk to me I’m always here whereabouts are you from and what medication are you taking? Luv Dani xx

[Hiddenglow in reply to Teddy45]

Don’t listen to those people telling you to pull yourself together! You made the perfect comparison of how it’s like waking a coma patient. It I’m glad you are getting help and feeling a little better with the meds. I have a appointment this morning with a psychiatrist and I hope he can shine some light on how I’ve been feeling. And maybe give me something to make this feelings go away. You are not going through it alone. I’m in Tampa Florida and you?

[Teddy45]

Hiya what a lovely place to live in Florida I’ve been to Kissimmee it’s really nice there let me know how you get on with your psychiatrist you are very pretty lady and I love purple as I have purple in my hair it’s my favourite colour The pills I take the side-effects aren’t very nice I was on the sertraline first of all but I still don’t know if these pills are helping me or not I’m not now worse but I am no better it’s like if I go out I know there is people around but I don’t feel attached to them and when I am in a conversation I’m listening but not listening if you know what I mean nothing makes me happy if someone said I won the lottery that wouldn’t make me feel any better I lost my son four years ago he was 21 and I miss him every day he was like my best friend he just died in his sleep he was fit and healthy but the doctors couldn’t tell me why I know it sounds silly but it’s him that keeps me going because he was my best friend We could talk about anything and everything x

[Hiddenglow]

I can’t imagine what you went through and are still going through, I’m so sorry Dani. But you have made it four years already and I do believe that it’s him that’s keeping you going from heaven. I would definitely feel like you, if not worse, if it was my son. So just know that you are not wrong for feeling how you feel. He’s still with you so still talk to him about anything and everything because he’s listening. And you can also PM me anytime if you like...

[Hiddenglow]

I just left the doctors and it was an emotional roller coaster! I’m glad I finally went but my anxiety almost made me cancel the appointment. I was prescribed Prozac and Xanax so hopefully in the next few weeks I can start feeling better about myself.

[Hidden in reply to Hiddenglow]

I'm so glad you followed through with your appointment in spite of your anxiety. Great job! We'll be waiting to hear how you are doing once the meds kick in.

[Hiddenglow in reply to Hidden]

Thank you friend! It almost didn’t happen! I had my 3 year daughter with me and I think she felt my anxiety that morning and just gave the hardest time ever. But I’m glad it ended well and the doctor had the cutest baby yorkie as her office pet so that help both of us lol! Still waiting on my Prozac prescription which she said could take a few weeks to feel any change but I took a Xanax last night and this morning after feeling anxious getting the kids day started and so far I haven’t had any of those overwhelming emotional episodes I usually experience on a daily basis.