Heartache

[FightingTheDarkness]

I went through a bad break up of a long term relationship back in March. The break up nearly destroyed me. I spent months horribly depressed and drinking to drown out the pain. I finally started getting my life back together and decided to try online dating. I eventually met an amazing woman. She was everything I was looking for. When we met in person it felt like an instant connection. I felt so happy for the first time in a very long time. After a couple months I think she saw my insecurities and depression issues and didn't want any part of that. She ended things a couple days after Christmas. The past few day have been horrible. The depression and anxiety and embarrassment are overwhelming. I have a hard time sleeping but when I finally sleep I dream about her and wake up with sinking depression and skin crawling anxiety. I feel sick to my stomach everyday. I dont know how to cope with my feelings.

I don't know how to deal with a break up when I already suffer from depression and anxiety. I feel so lost.

[kenster1]

sorry to hear that I know that feeling.keep plugging away at making yourself stronger build up your confidence again.maybe if you start dating get to know the person well beforehand but maybe someone local and not on dating websites.in time this will pass it did with me.

[FightingTheDarkness in reply to kenster1]

Thanks for your response. I met her on a dating site but she was local. We took things slow. Felt like there was a real bond. I let myself get attached.

Spent the day with her and her family on Christmas. Thought it went great. The next few days she was distant. I finally confronted her and she said her feelings had changed. I felt kinda blindsided.

She was the first person I got close to after a devastating break up earlier in the year.

I feel like all my confidence is gone. I truly liked this woman and thought it was going places. Now I feel completely alone again.

[kenster1 in reply to FightingTheDarkness]

I worked with this girl for a few months never really spoke to her though.it was only after we went our separate ways I realised I actually liked her.we stayed 500 miles away and kept in touch.we lost contact after my son died due to my downward spiral.eventually we decided to meet up for a few days I instantly had feelings for her.we done a lot of travelling as friends before we started a relationship.it felt she was the one I even started to look for jobs in her area.in just over a week my friend died and then my mum.i was devastated my partner being at the other side of the uk couldn't make it to th funeral because of her job.i felt lonely and called her up drunk and ended up pushing her away.she left me and I fell apart.we still met up as friends and nearly went for it again but I was just mentally to much for her.i really loved her but after a month or two the sadness and pain subsided.keep yourself busy day/night and you will be ok.your more important than any woman will be to you.for now anyway.all the best.

[FightingTheDarkness in reply to kenster1]

You've truly been through a lot and you're still going, you're inspirational.

Sometimes I feel it's hard to keep myself busy. I live alone and work by myself all day. Feeling trapped with my own thoughts can be torture. I try to vent to people but I feel like I sound like an over dramatic teenage girl. People tell me to just get over it and move on. The depression and anxiety dont make it easy.

[kenster1 in reply to FightingTheDarkness]

I found my dog got me through a lot of things.do you have a dog work wonders for depression and anxiety.i was alone nearly 24/7 and it was torture but I just lost my mum and friend and fell out with my dad plus I was unemployed.things are different now it made me stronger she probably done me a favour.

[Hidden]

Hey there, I can relate to you that I also went through a terrible breakup in Feb of last year. It takes a lot of time to get over something like that when you’re with someone for so long. You eventually met someone else & you were hurt again. I think the important thing to remember is if that woman was the right woman for you, she wouldn’t have gave up on you like that. Maybe this was meant to be so you can focus on yourself for now. I know it’s easier said than done, but you deserve someone who doesn’t give up on you. Allow yourself to be that person that doesn’t give up on you. Date yourself. Get to know the man you are. I commented on your post from yesterday & it seems you suffer from anxiety even with a relationship, so maybe a therapist or medication could help you. I love to meditate & do yoga too. This is a new year, & it could be your best year yet! I’m sorry about your breakups, but I would try to forget both women & worry about YOU. I hope this helps. We are a tight little forum family & we are always here for you. Good luck & stay strong!!! Xoxoxo

[FightingTheDarkness in reply to Hidden]

You're right about everything you said. She wouldn't have gave up on me if she was the right woman. The rationale me knows that but the pain still seeps through.

I know I need to focus on myself but like you said its easier said then done. I'm lonely and depressed.

I have tried medication before and had a horrible reaction and I'm scared to death to ever try that again.

I called a therapist over the summer but he was on vacation and it took him a week or so to call me back. By the time he called me back I thought I was feeling better and never returned his call. I'm kicking myself for that now.