Embrace all the positive things you have right now; the negative results you are seeing right now are not your fault. You can and will be happier, you have so much worth because you are still fighting - I´m sending love for u, stay strong.
none of the baggage goes aways when we get sober....we drank to self medicate, but it doesn't work trying to self medicate with a know depressant. SO....therapy, group, and meetings or what ever....but you cannot do it alone. It's the definition of insanity, doing the same things over and over and expecting different results...so do something different, keep trying
unfortunately antidepressants are only a slight relief.....the dual diagnosis of depression and addiction are two different diseases..... 1 in 3 people with addictive personalities also have depression.....neither are curable....but you can stop some of the madness by getting sober, but you need a support group on a daily basis to help you with that. This site has great people who come and go and give support when they can, but it's not a recovery site where you have the kind of hands on support you need when kicking addiction/drinking. I had tried everything to stay sober my way, and none of it worked....so finally I surrendered to the fact that as smart as I am, the smartest thing I did was get help. There are a number of recovery groups, and I am not a fan of the religious hype some AA meetings get into...but if you can find one that suits you and and you find people you feel comfortable with, get a sponsor for guidance and nurturing....as well as a call list.... it's still no guarantee for sobriety....but it's a damn good start....only you can do the work needed to stay sober, but going cold turkey and having no support ain't gonna work..... I also did ACOA to deal with the demons and haunts of my past dysfunctional childhood as well as one on one therapy....
You do what ever it takes.....and it's work.... but the alternative is a dead end.
I hope to someday be able to say that and believe it but the fact is I still miss drinking. as my therapist said suicide and substance abuse are coping mechanisms... they just happen to be the two worst ones you can choose. Everyday is a chance to continue on what we've already built right?
What most people don't realize is half the battle is being honest with yourself...cause if your lying to others about your drinking....the only one your hurting ultimately is yourself. It's a daily maint. that we all do in recovery, But only we can do the work, no one can fix us and there are no quick results. It's an on going process. Some days are harder than others and those are the days we reach out.
Suicide is a bad choice made in a moment in time that will have more than likely changed the next day but by then it's too late, and the ones left behind are the ones who spend a lifetime of guilt, regret, remorse, and sadness because they all blame themselves for not seeing the warning signs or doing something different to have helped. The ripple effect. I think everyone with depression has been there, and it makes it even harder when you self medicate with a depressant like alcohol....the next day all the haunts, and demons are still there and your hung over, nothings changed except maybe relationships get damaged, your body gets damaged, and some things said can not be un-said to those around us when we were drunk. The wreckage just keeps piling up till no one wants to be around you any more.
Am really not craving drinking alcohol I think about it a lot especially when am going through something because am
Use to numbing my feelings and always trying to get away from my problems and
This my first time really trying to do the right thing and stop drinking again and take my antidepressant is scary because all of this is still new to me and I been thinking about suicide more than I ever had in my whole life my depression and anxiety is driving me crazy
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Disappointed with myself
UPSET WITH MYSELF
Stuck in a rut 
Am worried
hard! 
