Am disappointed in myself

[tamka38]

I thought, I was getting better guess. I was fooling myself again. I haven’t been doing anything but

Laying down can’t any do the stuff I really want

To do because am always worrying and to anxious

I don’t understand why my depression and anxiety

Have to be bad am missing out on so much and

My mom need me and I need help too I just want

To run and hide am tired of letting everybody down

I want to cry but can’t cry I hate the fact that when

I use to drink I use to think I was happy boy was

I wrong

[Susan512]

I know exactly how you feel, I guess we just have to try to be strong and deal with this illness.

[tamka38 in reply to Susan512]

Am trying to be strong and positive

[Teaching]

You'll surely come out of it. Continue to be positive even though it's hard. The Lord is your strength.

[tamka38 in reply to Teaching]

Thank you how are you

[Teaching in reply to tamka38]

Just taking things easy. Good days and bad days. Very tensed today but believing God that all will be well. Thanks for asking.

[tamka38 in reply to Teaching]

U welcome

[Julie_z]

Hoping you feel better soon. Luckily nothing lasts for ever. Not even anxiety. Sending you a big hug 🤗

[tamka38 in reply to Julie_z]

Thank you

[bonsvibes]

Embrace all the positive things you have right now; the negative results you are seeing right now are not your fault. You can and will be happier, you have so much worth because you are still fighting - I´m sending love for u, stay strong.

[tamka38 in reply to bonsvibes]

Awwww thank you I really appreciate it

[Wannachange01]

Be calm all the time ok

[tamka38 in reply to Wannachange01]

Wish it was that easy

[aaronm]

I'm pulling for you tamka. Please don't give up. I know you will get better.

[tamka38 in reply to aaronm]

Thank you

[fauxartist]

none of the baggage goes aways when we get sober....we drank to self medicate, but it doesn't work trying to self medicate with a know depressant. SO....therapy, group, and meetings or what ever....but you cannot do it alone. It's the definition of insanity, doing the same things over and over and expecting different results...so do something different, keep trying

[tamka38 in reply to fauxartist]

Awww thank you u fauxartist you’re so right I did that for years and I need to try

A new approach I thought if I stop and actually give antidepressants a chance

I would be on the right path to recovery guess I was wrong am still digging myself out of this dark hole 🕳 I made for myself

[fauxartist in reply to tamka38]

unfortunately antidepressants are only a slight relief.....the dual diagnosis of depression and addiction are two different diseases..... 1 in 3 people with addictive personalities also have depression.....neither are curable....but you can stop some of the madness by getting sober, but you need a support group on a daily basis to help you with that. This site has great people who come and go and give support when they can, but it's not a recovery site where you have the kind of hands on support you need when kicking addiction/drinking. I had tried everything to stay sober my way, and none of it worked....so finally I surrendered to the fact that as smart as I am, the smartest thing I did was get help. There are a number of recovery groups, and I am not a fan of the religious hype some AA meetings get into...but if you can find one that suits you and and you find people you feel comfortable with, get a sponsor for guidance and nurturing....as well as a call list.... it's still no guarantee for sobriety....but it's a damn good start....only you can do the work needed to stay sober, but going cold turkey and having no support ain't gonna work..... I also did ACOA to deal with the demons and haunts of my past dysfunctional childhood as well as one on one therapy....

You do what ever it takes.....and it's work.... but the alternative is a dead end.

[tamka38 in reply to fauxartist]

Thank u I really appreciate it. I don’t even thinking about drinking no more

[fauxartist in reply to tamka38]

then what is it that is a failure....I see a winner who has fought and won.

[tamka38 in reply to fauxartist]

Thanks

[Humankind-BE_BOTH in reply to tamka38]

I hope to someday be able to say that and believe it but the fact is I still miss drinking. as my therapist said suicide and substance abuse are coping mechanisms... they just happen to be the two worst ones you can choose. Everyday is a chance to continue on what we've already built right?

[fauxartist in reply to Humankind-BE_BOTH]

What most people don't realize is half the battle is being honest with yourself...cause if your lying to others about your drinking....the only one your hurting ultimately is yourself. It's a daily maint. that we all do in recovery, But only we can do the work, no one can fix us and there are no quick results. It's an on going process. Some days are harder than others and those are the days we reach out.

Suicide is a bad choice made in a moment in time that will have more than likely changed the next day but by then it's too late, and the ones left behind are the ones who spend a lifetime of guilt, regret, remorse, and sadness because they all blame themselves for not seeing the warning signs or doing something different to have helped. The ripple effect. I think everyone with depression has been there, and it makes it even harder when you self medicate with a depressant like alcohol....the next day all the haunts, and demons are still there and your hung over, nothings changed except maybe relationships get damaged, your body gets damaged, and some things said can not be un-said to those around us when we were drunk. The wreckage just keeps piling up till no one wants to be around you any more.

[tamka38 in reply to fauxartist]

Am really not craving drinking alcohol I think about it a lot especially when am going through something because am

Use to numbing my feelings and always trying to get away from my problems and

This my first time really trying to do the right thing and stop drinking again and take my antidepressant is scary because all of this is still new to me and I been thinking about suicide more than I ever had in my whole life my depression and anxiety is driving me crazy

[tamka38 in reply to Humankind-BE_BOTH]

U right

[Humankind-BE_BOTH in reply to fauxartist]

Recognizing the problem is half the battle. I know it sounds cliche but the fact is it's true!

Continue seeking that help you find it!!

[tamka38 in reply to Humankind-BE_BOTH]

Thanks