New here- testing the waters

[Kevin87]

Hi everyone,

My name is kevin.

Thought I’d give this a shot, I’m hoping some peers can help me in my day to day. The idea of an online support group has always seemed nice to me so I decided this was a good place to start.

I have been dealing with depression and anxiety ever since I was a child. Now as an adult I suppose you could say that my issues have become more “real”. Things life my future, time, death of loved ones, and social anxiety, keep me from enjoying my daily life in the ways I know I potentially could.

I wake up every day asking myself “how do you feel today”, or in other words, “how depressed are you today”. Sometimes I sit and think that this is going to be the rest of my life, and sometimes that’s too much to bare. As I’m sure a lot of you experience, I think of ways out. Ways to not deal, or ways to not feel anymore.

I’m scared of what the future holds and that it will make my depression worse. I’m not excited for the future but actually afraid of it. Because I worry all the time about future events, it makes the idea of living in the moment nearly impossible.

Has anyone else experienced this? How do you truly live in the moment..How is this possible when time is moving so quickly!?

Yours

Kevin

[tucker222]

I can relate to everything you said Kevin. The depression is so debilitating sometimes I have scary thoughts of ending my life. I dread my my future both because of the reality of what it looks like and because of perceived, imaginary things I think "might" happen. people say that living in the moment is key and I find that almost impossible. I'm scared of everything even though I have a lot to be grateful for. I hate myself a lot so thats also a major problem.

[Kevin87 in reply to tucker222]

I get that sentiment completely. How do you find release when you are feeling low or hating yourself? Personally the only thing that helps me is sleep. It’s also all I want to do when that happens because I don’t want to be near anyone. Not because I don’t want to be but because I don’t want to be miserable or irritable around anyone. Just alone.

[Jimdubu]

I am sorry you are going through this, Is there anyone you can talk to? a friend, sibling or maybe your church pastor. if you find your self in crisis where you want to hurt yourself I would encourage you to call 911 or National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-8255. They're is also a Crisis Text Line at 741741 you text that number and a professional counselor will get back to you.

Do you see a counselor for your anxiety and depression? if not here is a number for a place that can offer some free counseling advise and can refer you to professionals in your area 1-855-382-5433. Something I find that helps is to count your blessings, when you start to realize how much you have been blessed with , you start feeling better. Prayers for you my friend.

[Kevin87 in reply to Jimdubu]

Hi! Thanks for these. I hope others can see this on here so if they need they will see where they can go. Thankfully, I have a counselor I go to which helps more than anything! I can’t recommend it enough, just be patient in finding someone, it takes time.

[Jimdubu]

Also here is a link to some resources for depression, I hope it helps. list.ly/list/1CE4-looking-u...

[Hidden]

Hi Kevin and welcome to you.

What you say here will resonate with a lot of us. Anxiety can be dibilitating.i struggle with social,anxiety too.

Keep the hope because we can get to a place we’re we are managing things to allow us to have a life for sure...

I have days were I need to isolate and recuperate and I no longer beat myself up about that. It’s ok to need some time out..

I find mindfulness and meditation helps me. I think although we all struggle similarly with anxieties, we are individual and we have to find what works for us...

Patience is key in my opinion. There’s no quick fix. Our brains have had years of getting used to how they are so time is a key factor in changing the way we think...

When you wake..let your mind hear, something different from ‘how depressed are you today’ maybe say to yourself ‘today is going to be a good day’ or something similar that is positivewhen you wake with a negative thought pattern it helps the mind continue throughout the day with that negative thought...we can acknowledge negative thoughts, not fight them but say yes I know your there but today is different etc...

This won’t give immediate results but it redirects things over time...

Check it mindfulness and meditation it helps a lot, again over time, as the mind will wander..just keep bringing it back to the exercise,

Time could be moving even quicker for you due to you ruminating..time passes by so fast...when we are lost in our heads...

This is all a work in progress for me too,some days easier than others..

I write this presuming that as you have experienced the anxiety since being a child ,you have spoken to medics and explored therapies etc...

I’m glad you found us here.

I gained a lot of knowledge from reading posts here and interacting...

Best wishes xx

[Kevin87 in reply to Hidden]

Thanks so much for these words! You’re right...I’m finding a lot of knowledge on here but the biggest thing for me however is when someone says something that is exactly what I have been thinking, it just makes me feel so much better ..

[Hidden in reply to Kevin87]

That sounds good 😊

I guess it’s validation...and that’s nice to feel and helpful..

Good wishes x

[Hidden]

Absolutely. I can relate to everything you said. There are days I truly wonder how I will cope despite doing many things I dislike for the sake of living (so to speak). For example, I'll go to social gatherings and appear to be enjoying myself, but I often end up feeling very alone among the crowd. I'll talk to people I don't know, put myself out there despite feeling emotionally drained or even stay longer just to see how things fair. But when I leave, I usually feel more empty and even less connected to others.

Maybe it's because I don't feel a real connection to most people and the idea of what is deemed 'normal' socially (texting people all the time, posting images on social media, having Facebook, etc) feels so fake to me. So the idea of making friends (and keeping them) feels so overwhelming, but being alone is oddly comforting.

But to your point, sometimes the idea that you feel this way is more painful than living and you rather just escape somehow. I definitely feel that way a lot and can sympathize with the idea of trying to avoid the problem versus facing it. I'm sorry you're dealing with these feelings; you have a lot of people here who understand exactly how you feel and I do feel that helps. I'm here if you need to talk!