Struggling so much with my rage these past few days. I don’t understand why it’s illegal to kill yourself (besides Uncle Tom) when you don’t want that life. We are forced to survive for what? I already have cancer and major mental problems and I’m stuck in raging war with myself because I’m all alone. What’s the point of living just to suffer?
Why are we forced to live when we nev... - Anxiety and Depre...
Anxiety and Depression Support
Attitudes are changing, and I thoroughly support "right to die" in the case of terminal illness. Depression and other mental health problems are much more tricky as no matter how bad, it is possible that you can recover from that; so it becomes a minefield.
I was very much of the opinion I was ready to end my life only months ago (due to trauma and depression from childhood ; I am now 60). I constantly had the sort of thoughts you are having (which is why your post grabbed my attention) and that went on for several years. However, then I had a "breakthrough"( a mixture of my abuser being dead and breakthrough's in therapy) and am really enjoying life right now.
However iIf you are in the Uk there is an interesting programme on Sunday 18th November BBC2 at 9-00pm. It is Louis Theroux's " Choosing death". Here's the link to the programme.
If you can I would watch it and see what you think. Is your cancer terminal? I am so sorry if it is.
I’ve been battling my anger from a botched suicide for 4 years. I haven’t gotten any better and I don’t see the point. Unfortunately, my cancer is rare and there isn’t info on how to treat it, much less cure it. They don’t know if it’s terminal because they don’t know how it spreads or why. It could shut down my organs at any time or I could live to be 90. There just isn’t research. I’ve been in therapy for the last 4 years and I think it just dredges up more reasons to die when you really start to take a look at who you are.
I often ask myself the same question. Not just for me, but for other as well; like children born in abuseful or neglectful situations. But, as another poster stated, there is a purpose for every life, even if we are not sure what it is. I know that is very cliche, and I have a hard time believing it most days as I am still looking for my purpose. But, you say you have a rare cancer; perhaps you could participate in research trials or somehow help doctors learn more about this disease....maybe even a cure? Helping others in this way would be an amazing contribution to society....in a way not many people can. I hope you find peace within yourself soon.
Sorry that you feel like this. I know I went through a terrible few years; it was complex grief in my case. Sometimes in therapy you have to reach rock bottom before you can start to climb upwards again. The emotions can be terribly painful I know xx
I don't see why they would even tell you with that type of prognosis or should I say lack of, I hope your ok
I, for one, support the right to die...if you are like me, though, you might live in an area where the law is supported--as long as your primary physician agrees with you.
Not good enough for my late mom; she had cancer at one point, but it was caught in time; however, she was bedfast the last 2 years of her life, and she didn't see the point of "life quality," if you couldn't get out of bed and walk around. I agreed with her, but because of crippling in her hands, she couldn't write her own suicide note, then have me turn my back, while she did her wrists...she also didn't want me implicated by the law, if I tried to do it all for her...yes, heavy sledding.
And, I will not lie...at that juncture, my heart was in my throat...but, my mom was of sound mind (just out of our local hospital), and she knew what was ahead of her...she and I had known it as far as 25 years back. I was determined to let her have that gift, if that was what she wanted.
In the end, she just said, "Oh, hell, never mind." And, sighed. And, she spared me the next step.
While I was grateful for those next two years, it was absolutely not lost on me that it was a picnic in hell, for her...and, in the end, after an attack and a series of mini-strokes following, even the ER doctor gave us the final blessing...it was time to contact hospice for the end-of-life morphine doses. Then, it took just over 48 hours...the mind, heart and spirit may be ready to go, but a human body that has fought to survive various illnesses over the years is not always ready to leave this plane...
But, we got there in the end...my heart broke, but she got what she needed. We got her, there.
Bottom line: you know your own body better than anyone else. You are enduring what you are enduring, and no one else has a right to tell you WHAT you are feeling. If you cannot get the support you need where you are, you may need to move someplace else; Oregon, I think, used to be a state where, after establishing residency, you had the clear right to end your own life...however, you may wish to research that :
No, it's not happy stuff to look into, but my late father used to say that it's up to each of us to "drive our own truck," in this life. I can't tell you what to do, and I would NEVER tell you what you CAN'T do...I will wish you peace and blessings upon your journey, thought, and if you want to talk, again, let me know...or, any of us, here...we are all here to help each other.
Thank you for sharing that. Life has impossible standards but we all “drive our own truck,” I like that.
I am pleased you are sharing this and that the mods have not taken it down. It really is time a climate change on this issue as so many people in my opinion suffer needlessly at end of life. Mental health IS different though; I just need to say that to any young people reading this post who suffer from anxiety and depression. There is every hope of a full recovery from most mental health issues.
Absolutely--sometimes, the young have not "greened-off," yet...they need to know that their future is still in front of them...good, or bad, nothing lasts forever. In time, they need to know that with acquired wisdom and patience, they can figure out how to steer their lives into, hopefully, something more manageable...and that also goes for everyone else, too. There are resources out there who try to fit and help, all...doesn't always work, but sometimes with research, folks get very lucky. I would always prefer to see more $ going into group therapy, as well as medical research and continued support...we all need to know that we are not alone, out there...
For those folks, though, who have fought the good fight and are tired in their bodies, especially, and whose quality of living cannot be eased by conventional methods/medical technologies within their financial grasp, these people have more than earned THE RIGHT to chose how they wish to continue/not continue their own lives...yes, it's heartbreaking for the rest of us, but no one owns anyone in this life...we don't have the right to keep others manacled in continuous pain. The patients, here, should be the only ones, calling the shots...if they are not capable, then their loved-ones and advocates should take up that baton and always make the best compassionate choice.
Well put. But the argument is steered towards waiting.. waiting for treatment, new trials, therapy, or just time. No one has a clean idea of “when it’s enough.” Which is why someone always gets hurt
I agree...it's the pits...if medical science is ready, then it seems society/the law is not...in the end, I think the person in question should be able to decide for themselves, if possible. If they aren't able to openly respond, hopefully they have an advocate that will speak honestly for them...
Just a suggestion for your consideration, I too suffer from both mental and physical issues. It is maddening. I have found that when you want to know how to go on, ask, God will answer whether you believe in Him or not.
I agree...I think that's where the soul-searching is an invaluable tool...and sometimes, there is just no way around "the end." If that's the case, the best gift you can give to support someone in this spot is to help prepare them for the next plane...if I were in that place, that's what I would wish for...but in the meantime, expecting a miracle and further strength is never a bad thing!
I hope that you have a good advocate that can help you...you deserve it! All deserve it, who have to endure on a day-to-day basis...blessings, always, on your journey!
My family blames my suffering because I’m an atheist. I understand people need something bigger than them to look to but I need to find that higher power very far from religion. Which is hard because you’re a party of 1 trying to find strength outside of religion or beliefs.
Maybe look into Ketamine infusions. Everything I’ve read seems positive and if it doesn’t help, it certainly doesn’t hurt. It cost around $700, but what if, just what if... you got an infusion and your depression vanished? That’s worth way more than $700! It’s happened for many people... just my 2 cents. I’m
Going to try it as soon as I get some other medical bills paid off!
It only takes one person, not a church to ask God a question. Look it sounds like you are at the bottom extremely miserable. What is the problem in asking God (even if you do not believe in him), Just be honest, ask him what you want and He will answer. There simply put is nothing bigger than God. You are going to have to step outside your beliefs to find out whether you are right or wrong. If you are not willing to do so, all you are going to do is soak in misery. Concerned, me.
I'm a none-of-the-above, so I can't speak on religion...I do believe in God/Source, and I go by my own spirituality...and, if I can't feel that, I know there is another force blocking me. I try to think on what it is that is causing my situation to be "barred." Sometimes, that lifts...with a lot of elbow grease. My mom for herself, I think, started out "open," but was staunchly secular, in the end. That was ok with her and with me...I just wanted her pain to stop, bottom line, because that's what she wanted. I can tell you that I was visited by her voice (many caregivers are, after the loved-one passes), and it was a great comfort. I KNOW she is in the place she wanted to be in, and for me, that is "the better place." Again, had science/medicine/local comfort been enough to change the situation around, the story would be much different. But, again, we work with what we have. Go ahead and ask your question/post your issue to the heavens--if, for no other reason, that you deserve an answer...I don't know what kind of reply will happen, but I know you will look into yourself to find the answer. Just praying that whatever follows, you FIND the support that you need and deserve!
I went to my psychiatrist as a higher power and fessed up to what is really going on. I’m not sure if I got worldly answers but he took the next step to helping me live better. So now I’m starting a different regime of meds to see I can control my brain. I believe in my ancestors as well and go to them often. I’m not sure if I want to know what my purpose is in life, what if it’s worse than what is already happening? Just a thought. I’m glad your mom is in a better place and you were able to see her again. Watching someone in pain is always hard. Thank you for sharing. :]
You are most welcome, and I really do hope that a change of meds helps you! I have many friends/loved-ones in that boat...it's a very difficult journey for them. I wish that it could all be easier, so that they can feel more rested, inside.
I don't know what my purpose is, either...it's changed many times, over the last 15 years, and I have no clue where it's going. I just try to be careful--not much of a travel plan, but I'm trying to learn as I go. I envy some who just jump into the middle of any "stress nest" and beat it into submission, until it all comes right. I've learned the hard way that I am not meant for that kind of "success." I have to worker-bee my way through obstacles and pick them apart...any other way is a dangerous shortcut that leaves me with egg on my face--not that that's a bad facial! :>)
I am so glad you had a consulation with your doctor, and I am really hoping you get some relief--please do keep us posted, here, as to how things go...if there's an area you would like to research, and your physician is too overloaded with schedules, just let me know. Blessings, always! :>)
Waroftherages i get what your saying but im not forced to live because killing yourself is illegal but because everytime i try i always think of someone i love and what theyll think and mostly how they feel im so weak, my mother is a child abuser she abused me for 11 years but for some reason i still love her i dont want to i want to hate her so much but i know the instant i go back to her she's gonna fill all thoughs into my head and right now trust me i dont need to be worst than what i already am.I tried to kill myself 11 times i tried to drown myself in the bathtub 3 times slit my neck once slit my wrists twice hang myself once i kept banging my head on the hardwood floor hoping i bleed out twice i tried jumping out the window 2 times.IM WEAK all those times i couldnt do it
I agree, it’s hard if you think about who you’re leaving behind. I think that’s why people end up surviving suicide attempts because a small part doesn’t want to leave like that. But it’s impossible when that much pain is going through your head everyday. I’m sorry for you hardships. But you’re not weak, you’re just drowning in your own messed up chemical imbalances. I understand more than you know.
You may not know it or understand it now but you have a purpose. I know that only because you are living. Life is a miracle. How we live life is a choice sometimes unseen sometimes lost. Just keep breathing my friend.
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