Been studying my responses going back almost to the entire 2 1/2 weeks I've been out here. Being coldy analytical about it, I can see where I come off a little over the top sometimes. Okay, a lot over the top. But, I don't mean anything by it. First off, I am not aiming this at anyone in particular. I'm talking about all the people I've responded to and even in my posts....So, let me explain: It grieves me greatly when people are in distress. I wanna help everyone but, my new doc unkindly said what I'm trying to do is kill myself and not slowly either....Anyway, you're gonna get 2 main types of responses from me. If I'm doing real good, you'll get my best motivational effort and some emotional response too. If I'm not feeling real good, you're gonna get a lot of emotion and only a little motivational effort. If I'm really having a bad time you may get an overload of emotion & 0 motivation. I promise you this, though. I mean every kind, loving word I say. So, if I do respond a little over the top, I don't mean anything by it. My friends and my doctor tell me I'm overdoing it more than just a little. This is a broad, large communtiy. I need your help. How best should I respond and what do you think I should do to keep from burning out or triggering my own problems? Under normal circumstances, I am very, very strong emotionally....But, my life has been quite miserable by itself lately. That's another story though.....
A Sort OF Apology/Explanation? - Anxiety and Depre...
A Sort OF Apology/Explanation?
I suggest limiting your time on the forum. Just respond o ce or twice a week. I had to cut down the time I spend on here because it's triggering .
Yeah, it's addicting too. I probably need more contact then that. But, I aim to cut down my responses. There are occasional critical cases that reach out to me and I feel I should respond to those. I am very good at it. But, moderation will definitely be the key. And if the overwhelming response says that, it will drive it home like a hammer on a nail.
What an insightful post. I am new and I think the reply below about limiting the amount of time here is a good one. On one hand I am so thankful I found a new resource. On the other hand I think I am overdoing it too. Thank you for asking this/bringing it up. It is honestly helping me.
butterfly2121, I'm glad it helped. It's the 3rd and last in a series of posts I did seeking help for my depression and anxiety as it relates to both bad things in my life and overworking myself on this site. The response from my friends here was awe inspiring. I was afraid the people here might find it too self-serving or that my friends who have given me the same advice already might be upset, thinking I wasn't listening to them. I truly just wanted to reach out and see what the general community consensus was. I'm hoping it will help a lot of people. I feel that's my calling. If you wanna talk you can contact me directly. Have a blessed day. Okay?
Thank you and you too! 
JEG, this advice from hypercat is exactly how I feel about your post. I always tell you, take care of yourself first. You live to help others. You seem to believe it’s your duty to help everyone. You also love to please everyone. You’re so sensitive to how you think people feel about you. That can do serious harm to your therapy. It makes you more concerned about what people think of you rather than thinking about yourself and how YOU feel. I’m a Pisces and sensitivety is my biggest character trait. I think it’s a good trait, but I have to rationalize the situation before reacting. I’ve been practicing that for many years because I used to obsess over people’s thoughts about me. I think you are now aware of yourself being that way and that is so great. X
M123, you know I love you and value everytthing you say. But, people's advice falls squarely into 2 camps The first is u first, then everyone else. The second camp says just be yourself but, practice moderation in what you're doing. I took some me time today. I called my GCB counselor and went in for session. It was short but, very revealing. I'll talk to you on the pm about it. When I came back, I ate a good solid meal, then took a walk, soaked in some sun, the chilled on the front porch for awhile. I do feel much better. I was off my computer from 1:15 to 4:30. That felt good too. Plus, as a bonus I accomplished some important paperwork while talking. I have figured out how I'm going to handle things based on everyone's opinions, my own opinions + who I am. I have often told other people that helping is a form of distracting me from my own problems. The problem is, what happens when those I'm helping become part of my problem? When I feel good, I practice a 'neutrality of emotions'. I don't allow myself to go too high and I don't allow myself to go too low I'm not as emotional and I fare much better. I have a thoery about that I'd like to discuss on my pm. Sure, I don't laugh as much that way but, I also do not get depressed and it reduces my anxiety about 70%. But, when I get sick or have a fairly rare wave of depression/anxiety hit, look out! You get all 8 cylinders of my emotions then. It's all a balancing act. I have much to say to you one on one about it. Okay?
I was going to PM you to see how the counselor went. I wrote you earlier while you were out. Talk soon!!
Don't over analyse....that's what I was told, and that I was too thin skinned and empathetic. I was also told I couldn't save everyone, so stop trying, and to try and not spread myself out too thin or I'll have nothing left for myself. Always remember to recharge your batteries, and to give yourself down time to relax. So....I will pass that on to others who want to always be helpful, we can only do so much....and like both hypercat and maria were saying....sometimes it's easier to forget and neglect our own stuff if we are always involved with other peoples stuff, and we need to be healthy to be able to help. That's not being selfish as was also said, that's making sure your taking care of your own issues first.
It's a good thing that you are trying so hard, and it's a rare quality in someone's nature these days to want to be so helpful. But I also was told once that not everyone is going to want my kind of help....some will just be spiteful and resentful even though I didn't think my comment was meant to be antagonistic. So sometimes we just roll with the punches....but they still sting a little.
I guess I live in fear of really hurting someone with something I say or suggest. It won't stop me from trying though. I have only been stung a few times. I am super strong under normal circumstances and I refuse to give up on anyone! Sometimes that in itself is enough to reach someone. It's like a crusade with me, help as many as I can. I just have to cut the number back some to protect me. More 'me' time will help too. Thank you for your insightful response.
Remember to not neglect dealing with our own issues I think was a very good point many were trying to say. It's easy to become a Chameleon and blend into others problems and issues, and live in denial or avoid dealing with tackling some of your own inner issues. Cutting back is fine to recharge your batteries, but also remember that talking about your own depression, or anxiety or other issues related is most important.
fauxartist, yesterday, I went and talked to 2 counselors about my problems. They helped me alot with their analysis of what they thought was going on. Between that, getting out in the sun and walking around for more than an hour, I recharged quite well. I already have a slightly better handle on things and a slightly different attitude. All for the better, I promise. I enjoy hearing from you. Thanks for your concern. I mean it!
Your taking care of yourself and you sound happy doing it...that's a win win. People always appreciate a kind word, and they are few and far between these days it seems for a lot of people who suffer from this disease and life's struggles frankly. So it's nice that you care.....wish more did.
10 kazillion loving hugs for the kind words. Yes, I did enjoy myself yesterday. Today, eventhough I woke up at 8:30am, I didn't answer any calls until 10. I only worked for 30 minutes and then went to get some breakfast and take my morning vitamins. I didn't come back until 11:15, stopping to talk to my house counselor for 15 minutes and gettimg some more good advice. I'm only responding to a few people today and will pursue a much more relaxed attitude from now on. I have things going on in my life that need taking care of and I lost sight of that. Besides, as I said yesterday, when I let other people's problems become my personal problem too, I'm diving in too deep. Circumspectness is necessary in all endeavors. If I help less people but, give out more effective advice, I call that a win. Right? You have really made me give this some quality thought! Thanks for that. I needed it. An extra kazillion hugs for helping me.....
your a good person JEG.....
im sure the world around jeg knows that you are a caring considerate thoughtful loving person constantly trying to help others.the world of healthunlocked knows that as well.no matter what your response is its still a response and at least you take the time to come on daily and try and help.never forget yourself though you are number1.
kenster1, you and Starrlight welcomed me into this wonderful sight & along with MariaLove123, are my favorite and most trusted friends. You're right about showing myself more love and remembering if I'm not at the top of my game my advice might not be either. I love to hear from you and I treasure your wise words.Thank you.
Your fairly new to the site and it is good to settle in and take your time to get to know people. I know that with certain types of issues we can get overly involved and quickly dig into relationships, but it takes time to get to know people really. Relax a bit and let things take their course as well....it's all good.
Relax, hell! I wanna go blow something up!! (ha ha). I'll relax at the end. The time for action is now. But, action mixed with 'me' time, talking to friends & just chilling occasionally. While I've only been here 2 1/2 weeks, it feels like I live here and I belong here. I have backed off some and am currently focusing more on talking to my friends and respondees in a light, get to know you, manner. I am only taking on a few new cases per day ad may keep it that way for awhile. I may post some more information concerning natural treatments and drug alternatives too. I still feel that info needs to be out there. Your concern and timely advice is important to me and I'm sending you a kazillion hugs for being such a good person!
Good for you that your minding yourself too, and if you read some of the posts, you will find lots and lots of stuff that has been discussed and posted regarding depression, anxiety, and meds and alternatives.
Thank you. Again, I am sorry that I implied that it was your advice I was questioning. I wasn't actually questioning anything. I was just curious about what a young person might think about such advice.In other words, would a younger person naturally shy away from older people, ect.? But, I recieve advice from so many people that it's really hard to keep up with who's advising me. But, easily a dozen people had advised me of the same thing. Some quite adamantly. Several talked about staying in my 'comfort zone'. The one thing I apparently need to learn in a hurry is to preface my statements so that the last person telling me something doesn't feel like I'm personally calling them out. I would never do that in a hundred kazillion years! I value your advice and want you to keep talking to me. You are helping to keep me grounded and helping me to grow as a responder. 400 kazillion apologies for still being a novice responder in some ways. Thank you for your patience and concern in the matter. Keep on, keeping on.....
Hypercat, I help people in the name of God & my beloved former counselor, Moriah. I am where I'm supposed to be right now....helping people. But, God's lesson in all of this might have been that I need to know how to deal with my own problems too. I'll tell you what one of my friends rather unkindly told, me. He said, 'John, given your own problems, how did you think you were goonna help other people with similar problems and some even with worse problems than you!! Why would you even attempt that?!' His words angered me greatly but, also made me think....I can do it because, I've been through the whole shebang in the last 15 years or so. I can do it because I am very empathic to everyone's emotions. I can do because I want to and maybe need to. But, I will do it from now on under a much larger umbrella of moderation. I thank you for replying. Your words made me think too. I'm glad you weighed in. Have a blessed day....
I am 57, my counselor was only 25. She and had a great relationship, although I know where you're coming from. I don't give out professional advice although I know a tremendous amount about nutritional supplements. My advice is more along the motivational, uplifting line. I have helped dozens, some who have recently asked that I not walk away. Your advice is good as far as general circumpectness is concerned. I will pay closer attention to what I say and I generally do stay away from those who sound like they are younger.....We're not arguing, are we? Nah, I thought not...We're way too classy and smart for that. I am listening to your advice and I promise to be more careful. Okay?
Got me right in the heart! Hypercat54. Now I'll be sure to be 10 times more careful just for you! A kazillion vibes of peace, light and love on their way to you!!!
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