Dream Job?

[Olinick]

Several years ago I got my dream job, a job I had been hoping to get for years. Now I am in my third year there and am questioning if it is my dream job after all. This is turning out to be an incredibly difficult year. I am a special education teacher in a small private special education school. Overall I still love being at this school, it is way better than public school but this year is already so frustrating. I teach multiple subjects at multiple levels in multiple places around the building. I am the only teacher who has to teach in three different spaces throughout the day. My main room is so small that I can't have more than three students in there at a time and even then it is very cramped. Then two of the rooms are used for other purposes so I get kicked out of those rooms when there is a meeting or testing to be done and have to find another location, depending on the size of that particular class. If that wasn't difficult enough, we have multiple students this year with significant behavior issues. Having anxiety, depression, and ADD is hard enough but then to add all of these other stressors makes each day very hard. I keep telling myself next year will be better, I just have to get through this year. For 15 years I worked in a public school system and thought the same thing, "Next year will get better." Only each year it got worse. This leaves me wondering if I am in the same situation as before. I feel like I am always the one who ends up dealing with the difficult situations while others at work go through their days easier. At least I am aware that there are several other staff members who are also very stressed so that is a help. Yesterday, my mentor teacher made comments again about how a situation we have to deal with isn't really that bad. The thing is she is only dealing with one difficult student, one period a day, she teaches one subject in one classroom. Am I just being too negative or pessimistic? Should I be more appreciative of what I do have? Right now I am feeling very overwhelmed thinking I have months yet to get through and my thoughts keep going back to self harming again.

[Agora1]

Olinick, unfortunately, dream jobs also come with stress and difficult days. It doesn't mean you are being too negative or pessimistic. Your job is very demanding and worthwhile. Not having a room to call your own, I can only imagine how stressful that is in being uprooted day in and day out. I admire you in the work that you do. Having your own issues to deal with can become all consuming. Your thoughts of self harming concern me. Whether you act on them or not, they are there because you are overwhelmed right now. Will things change down the road? Who knows. You need to take care of you right now. I'm sure you have made a difference in many children's lives but what about your life Olinick? I support you because I care. xx

[Olinick in reply to Agora1]

Thank you.

[hypercat54]

Hi I agree with Agora but I also think you need to have a chat with the head of the school about the lack of space. It does sound like your job is given the lowest priority when it shouldn't be. I would tell them that you love the job even though it is stressful but being kicked out of rooms is adding unnecessary extra stress to your day. You could put it in terms of how it is affecting your pupils as well and they deserve better than this.

If all else fails can you get a similar job elsewhere? x

[AZ1970]

I commend you for teaching for 15 years. And special ed to boot! I used to be in education and there were years I hated my job. I had to psych myself up every day. Other years were easier. I eventually had to switch careers. All I wanted growing up was to be a teacher. But that changed. You have a rough job. Being a traveling teacher is no fun. I did that for a year and keeping everything organized on one cart was pretty rough. Please don’t self harm over this. Your feelings are valid. Don’t let anyone invalidate them. On the other hand, see if you can find one or too miracles every day. It may be noticing a flower. Or a student may finally understand and new concept. Hang in there. This year will pass.

[Olinick in reply to AZ1970]

It's funny you wrote about finding something to make you happy each day. A year ago I started keeping a bullet journal as a way to try to keep myself organized. Each month I start a new section. Since this year has already been so difficult I decided to add to each month some pages where I have to write three good things that happen each day. I just started it on Friday. You are right it does help to look at those things instead of the negative all the time. Thank you for you reply.

[Needpeace]

I read your post and thought how fortunate we are to have people like you in the world. For starters, being a special ed teachers is difficult but to be doing it in the situation you described must be so challenging. I don’t know if this would help but I also have a very stressful job and I have had to figure out how to separate myself from work when I’m not there. There are far too many circumstances that I can’t change or control so I let them go. It has been hard to push thoughts about work away but I need to keep trying to be happier.

[Olinick in reply to Needpeace]

Thank you.

[shoppaholicsue]

Hi,

Isn't there a timetabling officer that deals with the booking of the rooms? I work in a college and we have to schedule our room booking in to avoid this. If not, try keeping your own timetable - note when you have got uprooted from a room and where has been free and keep a note of that for next week - then you can try going straight to that free room next week. Its ridiculous - that must not only stress you out, but your poor SEN students too.

Sue xx

[Olinick in reply to shoppaholicsue]

I do try to keep track of when there are meetings or testing going on. Unfortunately sometimes there are changes and I am not notified of the changes. Technically I am first priority for these other rooms but that doesn't mean things don't change at the last minute.