Alone

[Sky2016]

I am tired of feeling alone. I feel like am floating all the time. I try pot and that did not help. I try liquor and that only took my pain away for a few minutes. I can’t change the past. And the past keeps chasing me. I am a prisoner in my home. I am not allow to go outside. I am a bird in a cage. Why is someone like me still alive. I have no friends no family I am all alone. I am tired of this feeling. I know suicide is not an option because if I won’t see sky ever again. And in reality that’s all I want is sky. It’s been a year since you been gone and it feels just like yesterday. My ex husband used to beat me and rape me locked me up. He once broke my knee and I had the courage to leave. My children were small and maybe they gave me the courage. But know I am all alone. My husband of 16 years is very verbally abusive. I wish he would beat me because those wounds would heal. But his wording “ cheater, liar, lowest scum, hole,slut those words hurt more than the rapes the ass whopping I would get. I am older my selfesteem is in the ground. I don’t have money or a job. If I get a job I am cheating with my boss. Last job my boss was 77 years old. I loved him like a daughter loves her father. He was kind generous I could cry in his shoulder with out ever being judge. I am 42 years old and I still need my daddy. I haven’t spoken to my dad in almost 8 months. Why “? Well my grown children smoke pot and my mothers blames me for not stoping it. Children are 26 and 22. Tell me how can I make them stop. Take your time I am waiting. My only friend is Melanie. I love her to death. She’s there when ever I need her no questions ask. If only I could reach out with out any repercussion I can’t. My whole life all I have done is help people. I love helping. But since I am home I can’t help anybody. I am monitor everything I do. Gees I am in the bathroom writing as we speak. I am all alone. The only reason why I won’t commit suicide is because of sky. She’s in heaven looking down at her nana saying”I love you. But it’s not your time yet. “

People use to be jealous of me. They though I had it all. But I don’t. All I need is friend someone I can count on. So please help understand why life is so unfair.

[tesanderson]

First off, I want to say how sorry I am that you went through all of these experiences, that must have been terrible.

I want you to know that you are not alone, and you never will be. There are people who love you and need you, like your children. Your life has more value than abuse and pain, I know that.

[Sky2016 in reply to tesanderson]

Thank you.

[MomLeslieM]

Oh Sky....I am so sorry that you feel alone and like a prisoner. Who is it that you feel is controlling you and monitoring you and won't allow you to leave your home? You are right that liquor and pot will not help make the pain go away and we can't change the past. Unfortunately, you have to allow the pain in to allow healing to happen. Sky is right - it's not your time yet - I think you have a lot you can teach other women who are in similar situations to you. There are definitely some places you can reach out to with out any repercussions -- please chat with me more about this if you'd like to. I am praying that you can find some peace....

[Sky2016 in reply to MomLeslieM]

Help me. Please help me.

[kenster1 in reply to Sky2016]

have you sought out womans refuge to get away from him that ounds worrying to you.you cat go on living like this its wrong.

[MomLeslieM in reply to Sky2016]

Sky where do you live? Kenster1 asked a good question - are you able to go to a woman's shelter or reach out to one???

[Sky2016 in reply to MomLeslieM]

I live in Texas. It’s hard when you have no job n no transportation. I am a prisoner. It’s hard to even get on here with out causing problems.

[Agora1 in reply to Sky2016]

Thinking of you Sky and sending my love xx

[MomLeslieM in reply to Sky2016]

Skye I am definitely praying for you -- PLEASE reach out by calling the 24-Hour National Domestic Violence Hotline at1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or TDD 1-800-787-3224 or just call 911. There IS help available for you -- even without transportation! Here is a page that can give you locations of what is available in Texas as well - tcfv.staging.wpengine.com/s...

Keep in touch with us as you can.