Feels like I’m running out of time

[Starrlight]

I feel eyes on me now as if the world is waiting and is not in my favor, letting me slide through, letting me be of the living when I’d rather not be. Guilt is unbearable. A beautiful family who I adore. So I should be happy eh? Eh. I shouldn’t have to try to program my brain to believe I am happy or that I am worthy. I have my dark secrets. I day dream. I feel the eyes on me in my dreams as if the world is waiting for me to fail. If I were happy I’d see the world wanting me to win or at least I would say I can win. I don’t. Maybe I should. Feels like I’m running out of time to live my life.

[faulhallen]

I’ll be honest and admit that your post worries me a bit. Are you doing ok?

I’m truly not saying this to be mean but if you were happy the world would be the same. You would be different and maybe something in your situation might be different but if there’s one thing I’ve learned in life it’s that if we focus on what the world wants or says then we will never be happy.

You have a beautiful family, be proud of that. If you have dark secrets, what is so dark about them? Would it help to share them with someone?

The world is not waiting for you to fail but it won’t help you succeed either. You have to stay strong and fight for what you want.

I hope you find a way to be honestly and truly happy. Focus on what is good and draw strength from it. I’m rooting for you 🙂

[Starrlight in reply to faulhallen]

Hi Faulhallen,

Things look different depending on how i feel. Right now I’m in a place where I am really down. So I feel like things in life are against me but I admit they are not, well not for the most part. I believe in karma.

Thank you very much for rooting for me. I dont think I’ll get what I want. I try so hard. I want to like myself for one. Maybe my time will come.

[faulhallen in reply to Starrlight]

I understand how you can change with the ups and downs. That is exactly how my life is now.

As far as the not liking yourself it’s something I’m working on. Some days are better than others but I truly hope you can find a way to feel more positive about yourself. I believe it begins with small manageable changes.

When you’re down, if nothing else works, remember that we’re all here rooting for each other. Not everyone can catch every post but the feelings of love and support are still there 🙂

[Starrlight in reply to faulhallen]

😊

[Hidden]

Starr if you're not seeing a therapist now is the time, im worried about you hun

[Starrlight in reply to Hidden]

Why are you worried? Is it a certain thing I said? Sometimes I feel like people hare me but maybe it’s a reflection of the dislike I have for myself when I’m down... when I’m not down I really like myself. I don’t do well in therapy these days.

[melbrown in reply to Starrlight]

Starr I love you... like Danielle I am worried about you.... you have so much time & deserve to be happy. I understand, I am struggling so hard right now. And as much as I hate going to therapy & the fears that go with.... I know I need all the help I can get to beat this. I want to be healthy & happy.... I wish that for you too. Big hugs

[Starrlight in reply to melbrown]

I love you too Melbrown. I don’t know if I will go to therapy or not. I feel like I just can’t open up right now. Maybe I’ll start with writing down everything that I feel guilt for, that bothers me and try to get a hold of the things work on one at a time.

[Hidden in reply to Starrlight]

Starrlight, I agree, may be not as often as you were going, but maybe you should think about reconnecting but with try a different therapist maybe until you find the right fit. As often as you think you need it. Once a month, once a week. But keep that line of communication open. Hugs Starrlight.

[Starrlight in reply to Hidden]

Thanks Needhelp it seems so many want me to go to therapy! I think I should keep it open, true. I just don’t feel ready right now. Thanks again for being here for me and talking about God with me. It’s the very best thing I can hear. Blessings 💕

[Hidden in reply to Starrlight]

Amen Starrlight, God knows and He is watching over you, He loves you with everlasting love, be still and know He is God.

[Hidden]

Your secret is no great secret God already knows. The Bible says we have all sinned and fallen short of the glory of God. Stop worrying about the world. The Bible says the world is lost. If the world does not start loving people like God commands us to love, without judgement, you will not have to worry because you will not see them by and by, because they will not make it to heaven. Do not worry about the haters, just keep your eyes on God and you will succeed. Do not be scared of their faces, let them hate. So what! Stay around the people who love you and put your energy in them. Peace, love and joy Starrlight. Continue to be blessed!

[pink83737 in reply to Hidden]

Amen 🙏🏼

[Rpan in reply to Hidden]

Great message

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Amen..

[Starrlight in reply to Hidden]

Thank you Needhelp! You have given insight and I will try my best to keep my eyes on God. Peace love and joy to you too.

[_amabelizzario]

I'm looking for inspiring words to tell you but I'm not in a good moment myself. So I'm going to try. I relate a lot with what you said, I know how hard it is to forgive yourself I struggle with that everyday. I'm not sure if this is what you are feeling right now but I hope you find your peace and I know you can do it, to be in a better place again. There will be downs, after each of them you'll come back stronger.

Lots of love

[Starrlight in reply to _amabelizzario]

I don’t wish it on you nor anyone but it helps that I’m not alone in how I feel. I hope to come back stronger and I hope that for you as well. Thank you Amabelizzario 💕

[_amabelizzario in reply to Starrlight]

Thank you Starrlight 💕

[newbie1956]

Starr,

Does it help to know we care? And to know you're definitely not alone?

I believe it's helpful to understand that anxiety and fear are major keys to identifying where we are in the stream of time.

Consider that people everywhere are basically afraid. Many see how the world has changed. Just us we were warned. Can't deny there have been signs & on the earth, anguish of nations not knowing the way out. Luke 21

Yes, the Bible has 'Good news' about the future, yet we're struggling to get to that point. The struggle is especially difficult for those who deny the facts and refuse GOD's Hand. He begs us to accept Him, appealing to mankind,

He offers practical help. He's the One willing to teach us how to benefit ourselves and guide us in the way we should walk. He declares, "If only you would pay attention to My commandments! Your PEACE would become just like a river and your righteousness like the waves of the sea." (Isaiah 48)

Starr, we need to allow the Supreme Potter, Jehovah to mold & shape us. He's proved His Love. He gave His Son to heal us and continues to give us what we really need. JW.ORG is very helpful. It's one way to ease our fears and anxieties. Agape.

[Starrlight in reply to newbie1956]

Thank you Agape. I’ve had this anxiety ever since I can recall as a young child before I knew of right and wrong. Why then does God allow it? I don’t know.

[newbie1956 in reply to Starrlight]

Dear Starr, (Mary?)

You can be sure that God loves us and He is never to blame for our problems. In fact, He is the only One who can solve them.​ Isaiah 33:2.

Fact is, many people believe that God is cruel. When something terrible happens, they say that it’s God’s will. When they say this they are really blaming God. But the Bible teaches that God is never the source of evil.

James 1:13 shows that God is NOT the source of anxiety & suffering.

It says: “When undergoing trial, let no one say: ‘I am being tempted or, tested by God.’ For with evil things God cannot be tried, nor does he himself try anyone.” This means that even though God hasn’t stopped bad things from happening, he never causes them to happen. The suffering we often experience is caused by our Enemy, which Jesus identified as the wicked one. Unfortunately most people don't accept that and doubt that Satan is real. Fact is we must shun the wicked one. and his demons. ( They chose to join Satan’s rebellion, and he became their ruler.​ Matthew 9:34.)

As you learn more about Jehovah, you will love Him more & more and you will feel closer to him. Indeed you will want to help others to know that God is not the Source of suffering. Just as you would want to clear your earthly father of any false accusations.

~ My name is Carol

"Agape" is selfless, sacrificial, unconditional love. It is the highest of the four types of love in the Bible. This Greek word, agápē, and variations of it are frequently found throughout the New Testament. Agape perfectly describes the kind of love Jesus Christ has for his Father and for all his followers.

[Starrlight in reply to newbie1956]

Interesting. ((((Carol))))) I learned something new today-what agape means. Thanks for that.

The source of suffering could be evil demons but I don’t think the people ask or deserve it nesseccarily...I wonder what the purpose is; to win over evil but what about all those poor souls being destroyed? There is so much that we can’t know for certain. We just need to trust God and come to Him. Talk with Him. Sometimes I question everything and feel so alone.other times I feel so right and so close to Him. My name is Susie.

[newbie1956 in reply to Starrlight]

Oops , sorry, Susie...is your sister's name Mary?

Good questions, sweetie. GOD does have a lofty purpose and it's unchangeable. We definitely have a right to accurate and satisfying answers. When we don’t find satisfying answers to these questions, we may stop looking for answers.

Either we dig for answers or remain in darkness. Jesus said: “Keep on asking, and it will be given you; keep on seeking, and you will find; keep on knocking, and it will be opened to you.” (Matthew 7:7) Don’t give up until you find answers that you can trust. Yes, if you “keep on seeking,” you will find the answers in the Bible. ( Please read Proverbs 2:1-5) These answers are not too hard to understand. What you learn will give you a happier life right now and a wonderful hope for the future.

Hope you have a happy weekend.

[Starrlight in reply to newbie1956]

Thank you best to you 😊

[Hidden in reply to Starrlight]

He is not allowing it Starrlight. We have to be sensitive to God’s voice, in order to do that you must accept him as your Lord and Savior and let him be Lord over your life. One day when God is able to get your attention, be put above your anxiety, a light bulb will go on as it did for me. It was an all out battle because I had been suffering with anxiety from a child and I could not hear God because of the fear. I did not think I would make it but I did, hallelujah, but How I mourn the years I lost fighting anxiety, years I can never get back. But I am free now and plan to stay that way. Where God is there is liberty.

[Starrlight in reply to Hidden]

I’m so glad you are free. And I am aware of my missing out on life in ways but I take pictures to prove that there was beauty in and around me at the same time that I was suffering. There were good times of mini freedoms. I’m getting better but then I slip, it will happen. Well I swear I am going to listen my hardest and keep an open mind and heart and ask for freedom. Thanks I appriciate you!

[Hidden in reply to Starrlight]

You are doing it now as we speak don't you realise..keep going..set yourself free..

[Florida1959]

Ok sister, time for a rethink, the world is the world, it’s how you see the world, it’s your perception, the world is a mixture of good and not so good, focus on the beautiful family you have, the walks, the dog, your talents, you are worrying me a bit too, you have so many people on here who are fighting for you, I will always have your back, I think you need someone to help you explore these dark issues, we all have secrets, they are only secret if you choose them to stay secret, explore them, love you lady xxxx

[Starrlight in reply to Florida1959]

Maybe I do need help in exploring the dark issues. Maybe I will start to write them down and try to understand them with a therapist but I’d rather try figuring them out on my own first. Thanks for being here for me. I don’t mean to worry anyone. Love you too 💕

[Florida1959 in reply to Starrlight]

Wish I lived nearer, xxx

[Starrlight in reply to Florida1959]

Aww me too beautiful Florida!

[Hidden in reply to Starrlight]

These dark issues come from no where good. If you were to ask my opinion I would not go down that path. I would put them to God in prayer. Be open, upfront with the Lord God, hold nothing, let him know that you need him to handle that situation for you, God does not need to understand it he already knows what it is. Ask him to do it for you for His name sake, because He promises to save you with His righteous right hand, because he is God and there is no other, He is the only one able to do this for you, so you are coming to him with this need. To explore those issues on your own Starrlight will keep you thinking on dark things. No I would not do it. The suggestion was given out of love, but I firmly believe it is the wrong way to go. A mistake. But you and God will work that out.

[Hidden]

Yes..explore the past dark issues, learn from them and accept it's happened and let go..you are in comfort redigging the past that you cannot enjoy the now...sit quietly on your own, close your eyes, sink deep in your heart ,connect with yourself and start forgiving yourself..let go of the fear from the past which is keeping you from being comfortable and seeing the beauty of life by being in the present..the now..you will see you will devote your time to the beauty life has in store for you when it starts coming to you, daily, every hour, every second...and wow, with our background, you will see how amazing you are and have become.. start living the way you want ..NOW.. love you..

[Starrlight in reply to Hidden]

I am in a beautiful space now sitting in the dark morning with the crickets and breathing deeply and letting go of past with the breath and I promise myself to come back here during the day when I notice I need to. I will recall the dark morning with crickets and friends’ good wishes here to be in the present. It is so easy here right now. Blessings love 💕 and light.

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Listen to ellinaki Starrlight...very wise! I love you ellinaki, you are very special to me in my heart. XXX

[Starrlight in reply to Hidden]

After reading from Ellinaki s post again it was extremely helpful. I am starting to give up the past hurts. It’s doable.

[Hidden in reply to Starrlight]

Oh thank you for ellanki from the bottom of my heart..they are such a beautiful soul! You CAN DO THIS....I believe in you! Love, peace, light, joy & hugs!

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

You are very special to me too..

[Hidden]

I missed this post last week, I wasn't on much. Please forgive me? I knew in my gut something was going on with you & I think still is. You know my dear sweet friend you can share with me, we're friends! I'm so saddened by this, please let me try to help you? I love you to the moon & back! Peace, light, joy & hugs!

[Starrlight in reply to Hidden]

Yes we’re friends always and I don’t want you saddened but I know it’s hard when we care a lot...I am having a peaceful beautiful day so far. I am remembering that I need more quiet in my life away from the cities so I am planning a nature trip for this weekend.

[Hidden in reply to Starrlight]

Well that's me, I can't help it, when I care, I care! Wonderful you're in a good place now. Oh a nature trip will be a blast, sure wish I could join you! Love, peace, light, joy & hugs!

[Hidden]

We all have expectations we set in our lives and as time passes and they don't happen we feel we are running out of time. We have to tell ourselves to adjust our expectations. Things don't always happen in our timeline. Find someone you can trust and share your expectations so you can gain a fresh perspective. We aren't always our own best judge since we are so partial and emotionally involved.

[Starrlight in reply to Hidden]

Very smart ideas! Thank you so!

[Rlich]

Don’t give up. Never , ever put yourself down . Forgive yourself ; whatever it is. You are worthy. Wishing you peace , healing & happiness

[Starrlight]

Thanks yeah you know I shouldn’t ever put myself down... when I get down feeling is when I do it but it can be stopped... thanks for that nudge there I’ll try my best 😊