Hi ya people! I’d been feeling amazing ever since I went on Paxil. Now I am elated in the mornings and by afternoon I am so depressed that I have suicidal ideation. I am two different people.
I feel the Paxil may be masking my real life problems and then I come back to reality. Well it all seems to change in perspective, my life and the “good” and “bad” of it. I like myself and my life when I feel up but then I have a whole new version of myself and my life when I come down. Then it starts all over again.
It’s hard not to analyze and critic. It’s difficult to get out of my head and concentrate on what someone is saying to me. Even if I am interested and I do try, I forget what was said seconds later so I get lost and have to catch up as the speaker continues. I can’t process it properly these days. I think it is probably not Alzheimer’s as I’m 41 maybe anxiety or from brain damage maybe because I used to drink. Or ADD. ???
I have had a scared feeling inside but it is of nothing that I know of; a general feeling not attached to anything in particular. Good. At least it’s not like I am petrified of an actual thing I can’t escape so I’ll just dismiss it and it will leave in time I think. Or it will show me what it is and I will take care of it.
The more I seek and find the less it seems I know, lost in the huge world and the unknown.
Make the best out of a situation, right?, say if you really can’t seem to change it...well i am tired of trying to make the best out of it. I have secrets. Some know and that embarrasses me. Makes me feel inferior. How will I get past this? I will just try to figure it out; it will come to me when I need it to. I hope.
💕 Keep hoping. 💕