Trying to stay in the now and not in the what ifs....

I wish i was mentally and emotionally strong. I see people everyday, facing life everyday, and here's me....sleeping and crying....devastated thay my husband of 21 years wants a divorce. I wish i realized how my depression symptoms were changing our marriage snd the way he felt about me. Im do alone and hopeless. Deep despair.

[TheEraOfSarah]

Would he be willing to try couples counseling? After 21 years, I’d say you owe it to each other. I think anyone would be devastated in your current situation. What you’re dealing with isn’t “everyday life.” You’ll get through this and you’ll be stronger on the other side.

[Tutumama]

I'm so sorry you are going through this. 21 yrs is a long time for someone to essentially "give up" on you and I would be just as saddened.

Do you think he would be willing to work it out if you could do individual counseling and couples therapy?

I know how depression and dealing with chronic pain conditions can harm your relationships with many people, I go through that myself and it's a tough battle each and every day.

Please try to took for something positive in each day...or write a list of what you want to accomplish the next day, keep a journal and write how you feel everyday. Sometimes that helps us see in black and white how we are at least trying! If you don't already take something for depression or see someone about it, it would really help you to do that as well.

Best of luck to you!

[Hidden in reply to Tutumama]

Thanks for the suggestions! And mostly for the understanding.

[Tutumama in reply to Hidden]

You're very welcome Eeed! If you ever need to talk, I definitely understand.

Love and hugs!!

[Hidden]

You are grieving a loss, please don’t think you’re suppose to be out enjoying life right now. Now is the time to grieve and then heal. There are divorce care programs held at churches if you are interested. Getting into a divorce group to process feelings is a good step.

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

That is exactly what I need. Thankyou.

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

You are welcome 🙏❤️

[giaeve707]

You are in one of the most difficult situations of life. Grant yourself some grace for the trauma you are going through. You can and you will get better. The horrendous pain you feel today will not always be there. Have you connected with a counselor? To work through depression even without what you are enduring, it take a good counselor. It can be worked through, I hope you learn to know the value you have and are able to work through the heaviness of depression. I have been where you are. Husband who I loved dearly wanted a divorce. I could not figure out how to survive a day. I saw everyone around me with their perfect lives and I could not get out of bed. But you know what? I am here. I fought hard. It is a long battle but I promise you it is worth it. You will start coming out of this fog you are in. Get out of the house. Get out in community. Do not walk it alone. It is too hard. Find what is your passion and volunteer or serve in that area. Reach outside yourself. You can do this. Oh, and just so you know, no one has a perfect life. We all have issues. Others just hid theirs better. You got this.

[Hidden in reply to giaeve707]

Thanks for the reply. I had my first counseling session today and she made me understand that I am in control of myself. I cant control what others do, but i can put my big girl pants on and do what i have to do for me. It was really empowering. I just got a part time job and i am going to join a women's group at a local church. I am going to do this, and i can handle what ever comes my way, good or bad!!! Thanks for all of the support everyone!! It's really wonderful!! Looking toward better days!

[giaeve707 in reply to Hidden]

This is great news about counseling! It will be a process, so understand that, but it is worth it because you are worth it. Your marriage falling apart is a death and you are allowed to grieve. Understand that too. I am also glad to hear you are in a church group. We are wired for community and are not meant to carry our burdens alone. Reach out. I love that you are feeling empowered and see hope. DO NOT get taken down by any down days that come. Embrace those emotions too, let them work their way in and out, do not fight them. Face them and beat them. We grow when we walk through the trials of life, not by walking around the trials or turning around. You will come out of all of this an even better version of you. Be excited about that.

[Hidden in reply to giaeve707]

Thank you so much for the support!!