Having a hard time 😢 - sorry this is really long

[broken4886]

I have always had trouble with anxiety and depression. I have it every day, but when things are good...I am able to manage it and there are bright spots in my days. The real problems start when something bad happens in my life. I’m not good with handling major changes...when something that is at the core of my life is taken away my depression and anxiety take over and I’m unable to stop it.

My girlfriend of 3 years just broke up with me. I thought we were going to get married. We share an apartment and 3 pets. Right now I had to move in with my dad until I can figure out a plan. But he has some mental health issues of his own and it makes it really hard for me to even attempt to try and calm myself down.

Prior to the breakup, I just started a new job at a software company and was so excited about it. Now, I’m two weeks in at the new job and I can’t stop crying or being anxious. I cry in the car on the way to work and on the way home. I’m so anxious when I’m sitting there at work. I just can’t focus. Sometimes I’m just sitting there with the tears silently streaming down my face. I just keep worrying about everything...money, where I’ll live, if I’ll be able to get my pets back, or if maybe she will change her mind. I don’t want to lose my new job. I’m trying so hard to focus but I’m having so much trouble concentrating. I can’t stop my thoughts from racing.

My heart feels like there’s a hole in it and I feel so lost. I don’t have many friends or anyone to really help me through this. I know my severe anxiety and depression can turn others away. But I just feel so alone. I have never felt so alone. I’m scared that I won’t be able to handle this much longer. I am trying so hard. I try to tell myself positive things like “it will be okay, just breathe” or “I can do this.” This is just so hard. I just want to feel normal. I’d give anything not to feel this way.

[CazO46]

Hi, the break up of a relationship is so difficult and painful and can make us feel really vulnerable. Suffering from anxiety and depression doesn't make you bad or unworthy. I think we often expect our lives to be one way and they turn out another. We can only live one day at a time anyway so show yourself some love and take each day as it comes, knowing some will be good and some won't just the same as everyone else! Take care friend X

[broken4886 in reply to CazO46]

Thank you for your kind words. Just knowing someone out there understands helps.

[reinagrace]

Hi broken4886 it is very traumatic to go thru a break-up esp when there was the hope of marriage. Friends are a good help- you mentioned you don't have many- but you don't need many- even one is good- as long as you have one true friend who listens and loves you, that can be a great comfort. In the times I've had to endure that pain, my faith was a big support. I couldn;t have gotten thru without that. Also churches often have support groups or counselors or some type of help. It's good you're not having to live alone. Though you said your dad's issues make it difficult- i just know from my experience that living alone thru that pain was unbearable- sometimes the presence of any other human being helped. I hope you and he can find something to do together that's distracting- even watching a funny movie. Laughter is truly great medicine, if you can get to the point of laughing. I pray that happens for you soon, i pray for your heart to heal. Blessings

[broken4886 in reply to reinagrace]

Thank you so much. And thank you for the advice. I really appreciate it more than you know.

[Hidden]

Breakups are the worst. I'm sorry you're going through this. You need time so your heart can heal. I'm wishing you all the best! Love, peace, joy, light & hugs!!!

[Scigy1]

I know the feeling brother, it is really hard. Do you have a professional to talk to. Talk therapy has always been the most effective with me and has improved my life enormously.

[broken4886 in reply to Scigy1]

I just started a new job and my insurance kicks in on Oct. 1st. As soon as I have it I’m going to look for a talk therapist right away.

[JDinFL]

Although I wish I had some wordly advice to give, unfortunately, all I can do is totally sympathize. I feel as though I am in a very similar place and sometimes it just feels like nothing will turn around. Seems like we start to accept the curve balls and then all of a sudden there is a line drive to throw us off. Wishing you the best!!