I am just trying out this online community to see if it helps me feel better. I have a history of depression and sometimes I have anxiety attacks. I pretty much feel overwhelmed every day because of the lack of connection to people in general. I love talking to people but have found that many people like to stay in their own group of friends and not reach out to others. I love to have fun and live life, but when it comes to finding someone to come along with me, no volunteers. I usually on a daily basis hope for genuine people to just care and want to hang around because they really want to. That has not been the case for me. I feel that I am a bit too much excitement for the average adult. I believe this hurts really bad because I go to church and I am married. Two groups that is what most people would seem to get support from. It's been hard to try to fit in so I stop trying to fit in and be myself (at church and in my marriage). As far as my husband goes, I feel that he doesn't want to be with me anymore because as they say, actions speak louder than words. We are not old so why live like we are by staying home and watching TV all day, right? We are more like roommates more than anything. I feel like I am too much for him to handle. I pray EVERYDAY about how I want to be the wife that he would try to hang out with everyday. Sometimes I ask God if it may be best to just go our separate ways so that he can be happy. My past relationships ended that way because I refuse to be the reason for anyone's unhappiness. It's not that easy when you are a married Christian. So that is my story. Just trying to keep my head above water and not wake up with the desperate prayer to God to no longer let me wake up anymore. I just feel everyone has their stuff together with support of friends and family. Oh, by the way, my family is hard to reach out to as well. It's as if no one wants to be around happy people and prefer to hang out with those who are more serious in nature. What gives? Just tired of being alone in this. Crying out for help to others has yet to work. I will try to be myself again today and pray that there would not be any tears by bedtime.