I dont deserve anything

[rain_55]

ive realized im not a good person. i dont know why the people in my life think i am. i have a tendency to hurt the people i love just because im hurting. i say horrible things with the intent to make someone feel like crap. why do i do this? why am i such a horrible person? i cant stand myself and i can no longer look myself in the mirror. i dont deserve the people in my life.

[AZ1970]

Rain 55, I have a daughter who does this. As we have talked after she lashes out at us or someone close to her. She has told me she does this in an effort to help us understand how bad she feels. She cannot tell us in the moment, so she attacks us verbally. I don't know if that is what is going on with you, but it helped me understand her behavior and I don't take it personally now. I use it as an indication of what is going on with her. Don't be so hard on yourself. You recognize that you don't like what you are doing. That is the first step in changing it.

[rain_55 in reply to AZ1970]

Thats exactly what i do and my mom has learned that i dont mean what i say at that time. I just dont want to be that way anymore

[AZ1970 in reply to rain_55]

Good for you. You are on the right path. Don’t give up.

[rach1402 in reply to AZ1970]

That sounds like my daughter, she's on the autism spectrum

[AZ1970 in reply to rach1402]

So is mine. How interesting.

[Hidden]

You are not alone. I have said things to hurt people. I have never met anyone who hadn’t but maybe a handful. When you look in mirror you can see a good person if looks hard enough deep deep inside or you or you wouldn’t even be regretting it so that counts for something. You must forgive yourself Step 1.. you have a conscious 🙏

[Sillysausage234]

The people in your life see you from a different perspective and see the real you I’m sure they are right.we always vent on those close to us on a bad day ,but as long as you know how to say sorry that’s what matters,I’m sure it will pass 🖖🌞

[rach1402]

You can't be all bad if you know it's wrong to hurt people and feel guilty about it but it sounds like you need help for your own sake and the sake of the people in your life. You've made an important first step in the right direction by admitting to yourself that you've got a problem, but now you need to put your good intentions into actions and get professional help from a therapist, psychiatrist or whatever type of expert is most appropriate. Be strong and face your demons, I believe you can overcome this.

[momonthego2019]

You are a good person. It takes a really "good" person to admit their faults and want to change. This has probably been your pattern of behavior for some time so it may take some time to change. It is very common to hurt those closest to us but this doesn't have to be your norm. I am guilty of this as well. I used to just say whatever comes to my mind no matter how much it may hurt the other person. I have learned to zip my lips and to not be so reactive. Instead I try to think before I speak so that I have a chance to process what I am thinking of saying. If whatever I am saying is going to cause more harm than good, than i won't say it.