The end?

[Cat26538]

I’ve definitely hit rock bottom again.

I lay in bed full of lust and hatred for myself. All I can think is plunging a dagger into my heart.

[CazO46]

Hi Cat, I'm sorry you are feeling in such a sad place. Has anything happened that you want to talk about? X

[Cat26538 in reply to CazO46]

I just woke up feeling like this.

[CazO46 in reply to Cat26538]

I've been reading about the impact of changing hormones as we go through our cycle and wonder if this might also be having an impact on you? I can wake up feeling really down with little energy but often it is a change in my progesterone and eastrogen levels. You are not a bad person but know that it can be difficult to feel that in yourself xx

[Hidden]

I’m so sorry that you’re struggling so...🙂

[hypercat54]

Why do you hate yourself Cat? Have you sat down and thought of reasons why or are you just emoting? It might help you to calm down a bit and try and figure out what is going on. x

[Cat26538 in reply to hypercat54]

I feel like I’m a burden to everyone. I think too much. I have bad thoughts going through my head all the time

[hypercat54 in reply to Cat26538]

Are you a burden to everyone? Have you asked them or just assumed? Everyone thinks a lot and the more intelligent you are the more you think. Human beings aren't computers to be programmed you know. We also all have bad thoughts sometimes. What kind of bad thoughts do you have? Towards yourself? Towards others? x

[Cat26538 in reply to hypercat54]

My bad thoughts are towards myself.

[hypercat54 in reply to Cat26538]

Well we all do that sometimes too. So you hate yourself because you think you are a burden to everyone? And because you think? It looks like your bad thoughts towards yourself are a consequence of the first 2. Try and see it logically Cat and you will realise you have no reason to hate yourself.

Once you realise that then you can put your energies into healing yourself rather than bringing yourself down. x

[RaisingArrowsMama]

Cat, your words are so painful to read. I cannot imagine what you are going through, and it truly breaks my heart that you would feel the way you do.

Is there something that maybe set you off or caused you to feel this way? Is this something you've struggled with for a while, or is it pretty recent? Would you consider speaking to a doctor?

Please know you are loved, and you matter!! You have a purpose and you are not a burden! Hang on and you will see, things can and will get better. There is a God that loves you unconditionally, and wants to help you heal and feel whole again.

Please find someone you can speak to, a friend, a family member, anyone...

Whatever you do, please hang on you can make it!!

Here are a couple of resources to check out in case you'd like to try one out to find some help.

National Suicide Hotline [phone]-TALK (they have an online chat option too) depressionoutreach.com

I am praying for you and I'd love to hear back from you!!

Hang in there, you've got this!!

[Cat26538 in reply to RaisingArrowsMama]

I’m currently in a situation where I’m stuck living with my ungrateful family. So everything sets me off. I have major anger issues and when things get really bad I explode.

[RaisingArrowsMama in reply to Cat26538]

Im sorry to hear this Cat26538... It can be so difficult to navigate family relationships, especially when things are not going well. Are there specific triggers for you? Could it be that you are bottling things up too much and than causes you to eventually explode when you just can't hold anymore? It is not healthy and I pray that you are able to find a place (maybe even just here) where you can vent and talk about your frustrations, in a way that may help you blow some steam and help lessen the explosions. How have you been doing these last few days?

[Cat26538 in reply to RaisingArrowsMama]

I bottle things up till I explode.

The last 25 hours has been hell. I was molested last night in my own vehicle by my friends moms friend.

[Agora1 in reply to Cat26538]

Cat, I'm very concerned about your physical and mental state right now. Did you tell anyone? Did you report it to the police? x

[Cat26538 in reply to Agora1]

I told my friend and his mom. They were pissed. I didn’t go to the police because I don’t want to get into any more trouble with the law

[Agora1 in reply to Cat26538]

Did you see a doctor? Just to be sure you didn't get anything?

I'm so sorry Cat. x

[Cat26538 in reply to Agora1]

Nope

[RaisingArrowsMama in reply to Cat26538]

Cat26538 I am very concerned for you!! How are you today?? Have you found anyone you can talk to? I really feel you need to talk to someone, please reach out for help. I'm still praying for you and here if you need to talk.

[Cat26538 in reply to RaisingArrowsMama]

I’m having a terrible week. I’ve been crying off and on all day. I can’t talk to anyone. Nobody listens to me. I feel all alone in this