Lost in Wonderland

[gypsydreams1379]

I am struggling with an issue I am unsure how to resolve.I spent 18 years with a narc sociopath partly because of childhood abuse and a lack of any self esteem.I left him years ago found my brave and flew 2000 miles away.I've spent the intervening time finding myself and my truths by working through therapy mindfulness and gratitude and am finally as happy in my own skin as I've ever been.This last year my therapist has been encouraging me to get out and meet someone as I have a much firmer grip on my boundaries and what I will and will not accept in a relationship(I have anxiety/panic disorder agorophobia) I set out to do just that and even challenged myself to get on stage in front of 1400 people to hood my daughter when she graduated from medical school in May.My last therapy appt spiralled horribly my blood pressure and pulse were too high I'm having to have test starting new meds and the Tachycardia high blood pressure has tagged my anxiety hard.I had been talking to someone I was fond of as it takes me time to develop an emotional connection before I can move forward.The problem now is the meds make me exhausted sometimes depressed and I haven't even done all the tests yet.Now I feel like it's just pointless.It was hard enough finding someone to handle my emotional issues but I can't expect anyone to want someone who is broken in every sense.I can't do all the things I love hiking in nature etc and I feel like I should just stop trying to avoid constant rejection.I feel like I have very little worth and a whole lotta baggage sadly at the moment I understood what I was looking for .

[bridder01]

Howdy Gypsy! I'm Brian and welcome to our little community! There are a lot of wonderful and supportive people who won't reject you. We're all here for you and you're not alone in this fight! You've got all of us in your corner!

[gypsydreams1379 in reply to bridder01]

Thank you that made me smile and it really helps to not feel so alone sending you positive energy and gratitude

[bridder01 in reply to gypsydreams1379]

Thanks Gypsy! Right back at ya

[Hidden]

Do you think the person feels the same about you as you feel for them?don't ask don't get in life sometimes ,we have to be willing to take those baby steps towards what we want so we're in reaching distance at least.