So many brick walls..

[Chelle1310]

Hi, I write this out of sheer frustration of being ignored by g.p.'s who nowadays do not have the time, (some lack empathy or compassion of any kind), or the willingness to actually listen to what is being said to them.

They are only too happy to dole out antidepressants as though they were smarties, and quite happy to blame every symptom you go in with on being depressed, or feeling low and anxious.

I am trying my hardest to help myself, to get some type of quality of life back, but I just seem constantly to be hitting brick wall after brick wall.

This is frustrating the absolute hell out of me, to the point where I start thinking "what is the point"? Who cares anyway?

Is it too much to ask to get an appointment with a Psychiatrist? Apparently so!! The only help I have been offered is group therapy, once a week for 6 months, which would be fine if it were not 2 bus journeys away, and I never do well with group therapy anyway.

I struggle every single day, just to get through the day sometimes, I have no-one to support me, no-one to help me, i'm single, live alone and have no children.

I will be 50 soon, and when I think back, all I see is how much time I have wasted, how much I have struggled, and all the crap that I have been through. It's too much to cope with on my own. So what do you do?

I know there is no magic wand, and just to reassure people reading this, I am not suicidal, i'm just desperately trying to get somewhere, to move forward, to be comfortable with myself, get some quality back into what is left of my life.

I don't even know if any of this makes any sense whatsoever, but given the chance that anyone might be able to relate to some of it, any feedback would be most welcome.

Thank you for your time and take care..

[Hidden]

I'm so sorry you are going through this. Yes our health system stinks. Can you look on your computer for a Head Dr. in your area? That's what I did & it was the best thing for me. I'm here for you, wishing you peace of mind. Love & Hugs!!!

[Chelle1310 in reply to Hidden]

I asked my g.p., if she would refer me to a psychiatrist, to be met with, well all they will do is increase your antidepressants.. so that was when she referred me for counselling, hence the group therapy being the only option offered.. Thank you for your kindness, Love and hugs back to you..

[Hidden in reply to Chelle1310]

You can get one on your own without the help of your gp, I say go for it! What they told you is not true, mine has helped me so much & I'm very grateful for that. Don't give up, you have to fight for yourself. Love & Hugs!!!

[fauxartist]

It does seem the system has let you down....and maybe in part there is a bit of regret getting you down on top of your depression about the past. That's a killer for me, I can't live in regret...I lost everything at one the time in my life, and everyone....I was in my mid fifties...mid life crisis,...and trying to start my life over while in the throws of a serious depression, I have always had depression, but other stuff just seems so much harder for those of us with this disease to sort out. I did find a clinic that you could pay on a sliding scale according to your income....they are around, you have to just really start looking for them. I'm glad your sharing here....at least you can feel somewhat connected to other people who understand this disease, your not alone.

[Chelle1310 in reply to fauxartist]

I try so, so, hard not to let my past define me, it has had a massive impact on my way of thinking, and dealing with situations. My one regret, is that I tried to bury a lot of it, tried to carry on as if nothing had happened, which ultimately led to me having a breakdown in 2003. I too have had depression for as long as I can remember, but that doesn't give g.p.'s free reign to blame everything going on it, which I find they try to do quite a lot, hence the frustration. I seem to have lost direction, I wouldn't necessarily say I don't have any motivation. I have no clue what to try, where to go, or what to do to be honest.

Thank you for your reply, it means a lot to know other people understand, and don't mind talking about it..

[Chelle1310]

The group therapy that I was offered, was at a place I had previously been to, where I ended up suffering abuse from one of the staff, so why would I want to go back? I do get suicidal, quite a lot, but am not at the moment.

You are important, it may not seem like it to you at the present time, but while you continue to fight, there is always a chance of a somewhat brighter future.

[Hidden]

I want you to know hypercat how much I love you & care for you. I will always be here for you & that my friend is a promise!!! My love & hugs for you!!! You know you can pm me if you'd like, I'm not trying to put any pressure on you, just wanted you to know. XXX

[fauxartist]

you know what I did when I was completely bottomed out emotionally, and had no clue what to do....I joined this group....an art therapy group....if cost a 10.00 per session and it's not about having artist abilities...it's not an art class per say...just a therapy class to express your emotions without words. Another thing I ended up doing was taking a ceramics class, then ...because I'm a nerd....took some computer classes online....all very cheap... and now you can do a lot from your home....and you can take courses for an actual degree online now, not the cheesy fake ones.... most colleges offer online courses. They also offer grants for taking course so it would cost your very little. If not interested in school stuff, Find something you really have always liked and may have wanted to try, dance, photography, gardening, playing cards...anything that has a positive reinforcement to it....

[Hidden]

Hi dondo..you make sense..and I do understand like so many of us here do..your not alone..thinking of the past most definitely can make us depressed and thinking of the future causes anxiety..maybe it's time to think about the now..it really is what you do today that matters the most..sounds like you are stuck..I'm in a similar situation and yes I can relate..its hard especially when you don't have your own family, alone, no children etc ..we put all the focus and on ourselves..we have nothing to distract us from ourselves and we become our own worst enemy eventually..yes and time goes by we look back and we think what the fuck?..because we have so much we want to do and so much to give but to who and with who?..we need to be with people, to talk, to exchange ideas, communicate, share, love, give and take and this site is wonderful especially when we can all relate somehow..but apart from that, like anxiety 59 said, you have to fight for yourself..so hold on to hope and keep going..we are all in this together..just let things happen for now and be kind to yourself..

[nightingale1977]

Hi Dondo, sorry to hear you are going through so much... and a lot of members said it so well and right. You are not alone in this journey of fighting with depression. Besides group therapy, you can consider joining art therapy class or any social group that you have interest in. One of the ways to get out of the depressive mood is to talk to people or be social. In my case, it helps. Don’t have to share about your life or anything. Just talking sometimes will help elevate your mood. I’m a stay at home mum. I talked to shop assistant or barista all the time! Haha! Hope I don’t sound like a creep to you! Keeping you in my prayer. God bless!