Early 40s, Regret I Didn't Become a Musician....

[blueturtle]

Hello everyone,

I am a female in my early 40s and if I had done what was truly in my heart, I would have become a musician long ago. Growing up, I was taught so many dysfunctional and wrong beliefs - I was taught that life is a struggle, you're not allowed happiness, you have to do everything for other people and make them happy, you're not allowed to do things for yourself and make yourself happy! Your needs aren't important! So I always pushed down my heart's desires and wants and needs. And now I'm in my early 40s just regretting being in careers I've hated and being miserable. There are so many motivational speakers that say "follow your bliss" and "do what makes you happy," but what if it's too late to do what makes you happy? I know I can't ever go back in time and re-do, So is there any recourse at this stage in my life? Is there anything one can DO after they've gone so far off course for so long? Is there any hope of me ever being happy?

[Orangeblossom85]

What kind of musician you want to be?

[blueturtle in reply to Orangeblossom85]

Singer, piano player, guitar player, fiddle - everything!

[hypercat54]

Hi you are not exactly old so what is stopping you from living your dream now? If music is in your heart submerge yourself in it and be happy. There is no telling if you would have been able to make a living at it all those years ago so there is no point in looking back. Look forward to your future instead and make it a life you want to be living in. x

[blueturtle in reply to hypercat54]

I really needed to hear this, thank you!

[hypercat54 in reply to blueturtle]

Good. I wish I was in my 40's again x

[Hidden in reply to hypercat54]

Oh would you really want to go back there?? Not me, too much heartache for me back then, I'll take the old age, hahaha!!! Have a beautiful day friend!!! Love & Hugs!!! XXX

[hypercat54 in reply to Hidden]

Ha ha I would like to the have the energy and stamina of my 40's back and less wrinkles but nothing else. I like the old age bit coz I don't have to go out to work anymore which is amazing but I have got fat and very lazy!

Hope you have a great day too my friend. Remember if the day doesn't suit you then beat it into submission xx

[Sillysausage234 in reply to hypercat54]

I’ve heard you bev at our Blf new year karaoke 🎤 party and you can still knock out a good tune🎶😊xx

[hypercat54 in reply to Sillysausage234]

Ha ha Alan you are one smooth talker x

[Sillysausage234 in reply to hypercat54]

😂have a good weekend xx

[hypercat54 in reply to Sillysausage234]

You too. x

[fauxartist in reply to Hidden]

yeah.....it seems at this age nobody really cares what I do...they just see some old lady wobbling around the garden...I'm happy....

[Hidden in reply to fauxartist]

Well HELLO FAUX!!! No we're like fine wine...we get better as we age, hahaha!!! XXX

[fauxartist in reply to Hidden]

and not just any wine girlfriend...we are a bottle of : Chateau Lafite 1787.

Well...I'm back from our trip...and wait till you see the pics...I have to get out there when it stops raining....my Zuchinni is over 1 foot long....my yellow Italian squash is the size of a salad plate...so....going to be stuffing and backing zuchinni tonight!....

[Hidden in reply to fauxartist]

Oh boy I can't wait to see the pic's!!! So nice to have you back!!!! How I would love to join you for dinner!!!! Love & Hugs!!! XXX

[fauxartist in reply to Hidden]

Nobody here eats veggies.....typical meat and potato crowd....my partner eats a sort of salad....but I'm the only one, works for me!

Well we had a great time...did nothing really, saw nothing really, just loved the drive and being able to turn off the phone and not cater to everyone else...just us.

We loved it and are going on a day trip this Friday on our day off. Everyone did just fine without us.....Betty the Bold of course was very glad to see her persons home to pet her....she's a funny cat..she rolls onto her back like a dog for you to rub her belly....she doesn't know she's a cat really.

[Hidden in reply to fauxartist]

Well that makes me happy you had a wonderful time, who cares that you didn't do much ...just to be alone had to of been FANTASTIC!!!! We used to have a cat that wanted her belly rubbed, Bandi, she would be wherever in the house & if you called her she'd coming running like a dog! Love & Hugs!!!

[fauxartist in reply to Hidden]

Yep ....that's Miss Betty.....she was a rescue baby and Spike our big black lab reluctantly raised her somewhat.....and the two eventually were thick as thieves. They often slept together in the kitchen curled up together by the cooker. He had passed last year so she has become quite attached to being where ever we are. She missed him and we had to console her for quite a while. But she's okay now and a happy little girl, now she's taken the job of 'minding the house' like her big brother did.

[Hidden in reply to fauxartist]

Betty sounds like a wonderful cat!!! Sad that she lost her buddy, they do become can so close!!! XXX

[Hidden]

Boy I can feel your pain! Ya know it's not too late for you to pursue what you want, you are still young enough! Put yourself first, don't listen to negative that people give to you! You are special because there is only one you! I wish you all the best!! I'm here for you also!!! Love & Hugs!!! XXX

[blueturtle in reply to Hidden]

This is just what I needed to hear - it soothes my heart to hear it. Thank you!

[Hidden in reply to blueturtle]

Hey I'm here for you!!Don't ever give up on you!!! I believe better days are on the way for us, maybe not as soon as we would like though, hahaha!! I love to laugh so where I can I do it, I'll even walk around my house just laughing at me & the dumb things I do sometimes!!! If you ever want to pm me I'm fine with that! I'll help you any way I can! Love & Hugs!!! XXX

[AZ1970]

You can still play your music. Perhaps do open mic nights. Incorporate small bits of what you love into your life. It is never too late.

[Jvicks2]

I know many musicians that have started later in life. I had a teacher that was late 50s at university. She had a successful studio.

I studied music in college and I can relate to your struggle! I am a stay at home mom and think about my music career all the time!

If you want to play or sing, study music with a private teacher. Adults do this all the time. All types of people have the desire to learn.

Also, you matter! Your needs are important! Please put yourself first! I wish I could teach you violin!

[blueturtle in reply to Jvicks2]

This is an awesome response, thank you. I think the only thing I need to focus on is to TAKE ACTION and take lessons like you said and pursue this as much as I possibly can, even if I wanted SO MUCH time and even if I can't be professional level at it. Although it hurts a LOT to know what I could have done if I had only had a healthy sense of self esteem, self worth etc. I'm learning to have self love by taking all kinds of self help courses, therapy, books, etc. Well at least I'm finally now learning this

[Marshall64]

There is no reason why you can't learn now. If your ambition is to play on stage, I see people of all different ages in bands and open mic nights. I would suggest taking a few lessons first to get the right technique and from there you can use all sorts of software tutorials and videos on the web.

[blueturtle in reply to Marshall64]

Thank you i've done quite a bit of dabbling and even sang lead in 2 bands. But I always let other people or stressful, thankless jobs suck the life out of me and take me away from making myself a priority and actually doing what I love to do and trying so hard to get approval from everyone leaving me with nothing and jeopardizing my health too! I now learned from doing therapy, courses, books, etc that we all need to approve of ourselves, not rely on others' approval. I always thought that I knew that, but really I didn't!

[fauxartist]

follow your heart...I did in my late 50's....and if I could I'd finish my MFA in ceramic art. You never know...I still might....I don't believe that your ever too old to do what your life long dreams are. I never had stuff as a kid...so I got stuff as an adult..art stuff...and love having the time and space to do what I want to now. Eventually we will finish our outside shed into a studio...and I'll set up a wheel again.

[blueturtle in reply to fauxartist]

Thank you It is SO crucially important that we love ourselves and allow ourselves to do the things that bring us joy!! Life is not meant to be constantly striving to get approval from other people. THANK GOD I'm finally REALLY learning this concept.

[fauxartist in reply to blueturtle]

I don't care what anyone thinks....I refuse to grow up....We have a 5 an 6 year old with us every week....and believe me....they have a light in their eyes and the wonder of innocence of learning something new everyday, and it is what brings me hope. We can give them what I never had;, love , freedom, information, exploring the garden, learning about everything....this week we are doing...'Bath Bombs'.... I think when we stop letting ourself laugh, and learn, and explore....we stop living.... We also teach them boundaries, and respect, and manors, and to love each other....children need that as much as they do anything else. It gives them guidelines and direction, self esteem, and a feeling of security.

I never had any of that growing up....and it left me scared....insecure...and fearful of living life. I am a good ceramic artist, and always wanted to teach. I did teach briefly, but not to the extent of having a studio to do it in. So we all have our dreams.....and we can live them we just have to let ourselves do it....

[Sillysausage234]

You can have music 🎧 with you all the time 🎶🧘🏻‍♂️🙋🏻‍♂️

[Hidden]

I live in a town with a lot of local music, the average age of the musicians I would say is 50. Start networking with other musicians, they are everywhere. There is a website called bandmix where bands post if they are looking for another band member.

[blueturtle in reply to Hidden]

That's very encouraging to hear, thank you