A therapy session...

[NoirLioness]

So, I went to my therapist. I would like to preface by stating that her techniques are a bit different. I explained to her why I was having panic attacks (my fear of death/dying/the universe/etc). I honestly expected her to ask me more questions about what it was I was afraid of but instead she asked me about my anxiety and my coping skills. I explained that I had my mom as a major support. While she encouraged that having my mom was a beautiful thing but tried to encourage me to try and come out of my panic attacks alone first. She assured me that she has seen success with panic attacks. So we sat with the thought of my anxiety and how it manifests. I explained that I could feel it bubbling up in my chest and then it was like this overwhelming warm shooting from my heart outward when I was panicking.

I also had explained that I had not had a panic attack full blown since I was about 16 (being 32 now). She explained that sometimes the traits we have as a child resurface as most things do and I now had some healing to do. I was more capable now then I was back when I was 16. I was an entirely different person in a way. I have to try to reassure myself, inside, that I'm capable and able of being okay. To acknowledge my anxiety, allow it to happen, practice breathing and being in the moment using mindful practices. Taping into our "true-self" which we don't develop until we are 27.

So last night I did all of the things that I expressed in my last post. Cut the caffeine, didn't lounge in my bed before sleep, took a couple hydroxezine and drank a cup of tea. So as I lay in bed around 9:15 I feel the panic. I feel that sensation of warmth shooting from my heart across my chest and I sit there and I let it happen. I keep saying to myself: "I want to be happy, I will be happy, my life is not over, I refuse to let the anxiety win, my life is only about to begin." I'll be honest, I wanted to go out to my mom but I didn't. I wanted to do it myself. It took a good 10-15 minutes but I made it through myself and sleep eventually found me. I hope this gives some helpful insight to anyone who might need it. It's a day to day struggle. All we can do is keep fighting the battle.

~Noir

[deborah27]

All i can say is well done, brilliant. That is a real breakthrough for you and if you can do it once, you can do it again. Think this is a life-changing for you. Onwards and upwards!

[NoirLioness in reply to deborah27]

Thanks so much!

[Lilly5]

Thank you Lioness. That was great advice! I also live with my mom and also go to her when I feel the anxiety bubbling up.

[NoirLioness in reply to Lilly5]

Aren't moms just the best? I'm glad you enjoyed my post, thanks so much for your kind words!

[mirai]

Reading this made me emotional, I've had those exact moments before and said basically the same things to myself. Such intense experiences. You're getting stronger!

[NoirLioness in reply to mirai]

I'm so glad you found some solace in my writing. Thank you so much for your kind words. It means a lot to me. Xoxoxo