I used to have panic attacks when I was a teenager - they were so bad that it got me exploring my own mental health only to find that I have Bi Polar disorder with anxiety and panic disorder. I have been on a medication regiment from the age of 16. Now, I'm 32 and my panic attacks have come back full force and with a vengeance. It always happens at night as I'm trying to go to sleep. It's like I'm suddenly smacked in the face and enveloped by the concept of my own mortality. It's like my mind is sticking it's finger in my face and saying "You're going to die. There is nothing you can do about it." I then feel a shock of adrenaline in my chest that spreads outward and I suddenly am in immediate hysterics. It has gotten so bad that I have begun shaking uncontrollably and vomiting. I have begun taking a prescribed sleep aid to help quiet my over active brain and here's the real strange aspect - I can be having a panic attack and feel like I'm going to pass out from fatigue. I'm reaching out to see if anyone else has felt these symptoms or perhaps is struggling with the thought of mortality. If you've read this far, thank you. I appreciate it.
~Lioness
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NoirLioness
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I wouldn't say "Self-diagnosed". I've been being treated for mental illness since I was 16 so that would be 16 years. I have been a participant of my own recovery and seen many specialists.
Lol, Dr. Google not a good idea. When the panic and anxiety kick in we try so hard to try to find anything to explain it, stop it and escape it happening again. I know all too well. Fear is overwhelming. Then when it subsides and we regain some rational thought, we need to name our experience.
Yes exactly, we want to know "why me?" and "How can I keep this from ever happening to me again!"
I’ve had this type of anxiety, it’s the worst however once you deal with it, you do get calm. So this anxiety is called existential anxiety. It’s about life, death, meaning. It is not irrational to fear death so don’t think you are going crazy. I started talking to a therapist and journaling about my fear. I read philosophers and I relied on my faith a lot. It has been a process, I had to go through many uncomfortable months including some really bad nights. Don’t run from the fear, stay in it and talk yourself through it.
Thank you so much for your advice. I should start journaling more. I did recently here that term existential anxiety. It makes a lot of sense. I am seeing a therapist and just haven't really felt the need to bring it up since i haven't had an attack in a few years. I have had pretty bad nights since I first posted. I have only been able to sleep in my own room last night. The nights before I would sleep in the living room with my mom with the television on. Usually I can have my own television going and it's enough to distract my mind. I am feeling calmer than I have been but I don't think the storm is over.
I had my first panic attack in my 30s and thought I was going to die. The MD I went to was not versed in Anxiety Disorder. What an unhelpful person he was. I have since grown out of them and when I feel one coming on I hold my breath and bear down lightly, doing this for a few minutes, and the attack passes. My daughter has them more severely, like you do. They wake her up from sleep. She calls me and I talk her down with the breathing exercise. She takes Klonopin when needed but it takes awhile to kick in. What was most helpful for me was when a friend (whose dad also had panic attacks) told me "you won't die during this attack even though you think you will". Hoping that the attacks reduce in frequency and severity for you as you get older.
Thanks so much for sharing with me. I have tried breathing exercises and they do help me if I feel one coming on. If I do feel that rush of adrenaline into a panic I have seen a demonstration where you tap your cheekbone with your index and forefinger, quite hard, for 30 seconds talking yourself through it and then gauge yourself 1-10 before 'doing it again as needed. This also only works for me if I'm not in a full blown attack. I don't have a med to help me unfortunately because the aid that I do have only makes me super tired but in an overwhelming attack I feel like I'm going to pass out but still be panicking. I have seen my nurse practitioner recently and he doesn't want to change my meds at this time. I am going to see my therapist on wed and hopefully get some more advice. Thanks again for your advice!
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