I’m feeling really lonely and struggling today. I’m a lone person generally so there isn’t anyone around. So can we talk please? I’d love to talk
Can we talk?: I’m feeling really... - Anxiety and Depre...
Can we talk?
71 Replies
•
Hi. I'm here. Am very new to this but you're not alone. 
• in reply toPriya6
Hi! Welcome to the site. Thank you for being here, it means a lot
Priya6• in reply to
I know exactly how you feel. So no thank yous
Priya6• in reply to
Where are you based, if I am not being too intrusive. I just moved to Cyprus for work when my anxiety hit. Been here two months and have had some pretty bad days.
• in reply toPriya6
I’m based in New York City. Quite lonely in the Big Apple. I generally work a lot to try to keep busy and distract myself from it.
Priya6• in reply to
Oh I was in NYC in December. I have friends there. It can be lonely. Though I prefer the States to Europe.
Priya6• in reply to
I am extremely lonely here in Cyprus too. I moved two months ago from Africa. I loved my job there. But though am in the same organisation, have never been so anxious at the workplace. Most days I get home, or rather back to my apartment which doesn't yet feel like home, and just sob loudly.
• in reply toPriya6
Awww I’m sorry to hear that. That’s quite a difficult situation there. I know all about feeling anxious in the workplace, I feel the same way at my job too. Is there anything in particular at your workplace that is causing to maybe feel unsafe or triggering anxiety for you?
Priya6• in reply to
I can't pinpoint it exactly. Everyday tasks cause me huge anxiety and I can't seem to relate to anyone though I try to be friendly and mask the daily up-and-down I feel emotionally. You're right--I actually don't feel safe. I am frankly exhausted by the end of the day. It seems such a small thing when I write this to you. But there is this tightness in my stomach that is so, so uncomfortable.
• in reply toPriya6
Awww I’m so sorry you’re going through all this Priya. Maybe you feel unsafe because you’re in several new and unfamiliar places for you. Perhaps there is something about the workplace culture that is causing ton to feel unsafe :/ I hope that it will resolve soon so you won’t suffer so much
Priya6• in reply to
Hey, am sure it will eventually. But I know you aren't feeling that good today and just want you to know that talking to you made me feel so much better. Am glad I reached out. So anytime you want to touch base, am here. The time difference might make instant messages a bit tough but just holler. You're not alone. And its so good to know that I'm not either.
• in reply toPriya6
Thank you so much for reaching out I’m happy that I was able to help and happy to talk to you too. I’m always here if you need anything. I’m happy to help and thanks to you I feel better now too, knowing I’m not alone and someone understands
Priya6• in reply to
Absolutely. Such a pity that a lot of people don’t get how debilitating anxiety and loneliness can be.
Hey there. Hope you have a good night and great day
hi how are you.
• in reply tokenster1
Hi! I’m okay and you? How is your day?
Priya6• in reply to
Well. I feel better when the sun goes down. I just moved to a new country. The evenings are better. How about you?
• in reply toPriya6
I don’t find much that helps me to feel better these days although I keep trying. Been cutting back on work obligations and sleeping More. It helps a bit.
hi ive been better to be honest.some how I pulled muscle in my leg sleeping.sweated that much out at work think its gave me the cold.
• in reply tokenster1
Aww I’m sorry to hear that and I hope that you will feel better soon. I haven’t been feeling too good myself. Having a lot of migraines these days and I feel tired all the time.
kenster1• in reply to
thanks hope you feel better soon aswell.have you been to the doctors.
• in reply tokenster1
Yeah I’ve gone to the doctor and received some medication to help with the Migraines
kenster1• in reply to
that's good.anytime time you want to chat feel free to get in touch.talking/chatting is always the best way to make us feel better.
• in reply tokenster1
Thank you so much Ken! And it truly does, I feel better being able to talk to you and so many other wonderful people here today
Welcome to this forum. You’ll find much support here..as I have. Very lonely myself..trying very hard to just take one step at a time. So sorry you are lonely as well💕
• in reply toSA192461
Thank you for the warm welcome and for reaching out to me That’s also what I’m trying to do although it’s very very hard for me.
Email, text me, facetime even... im for it all. 💙sending you VIRTUAL HUGS and positive vibes
• in reply toantieverything
Thank you so much! I appreciate that very much. In the age of smartphones I spend my time busy poking my phone and poking through apps but strangely enough I haven’t got a single person I can reach out using that device.
Priya6• in reply to
You can always email or whatsapp call me. Having a bit of a low Sunday hope yours is going well
• in reply toPriya6
Hi, i'm new here. sorry to get in the conversation. i'm also so lonely and being depressed with severe PTSD. i am staying home, no job am like this for almost 2 years and i'm stuck. buying the online therapies left me feeling very empty as she hung up the phone when exactly the 50 min i paired for her was over. and i can't afford more therapies. can somebody please talk to me also? i mean, how can someone just rise up above without getting supports and embraces when you're feeling like drowning in the hell? but people say stuff like "just change your mind, change the words you speak" "at least you have food, there are people out there who are more suffering than you are so appreciate for what you are"
well...i understand that mind has power but i feel like mine is unrestorable.
i just wanna feel love. i want to feel a family like love.
Priya6• in reply to
Hi am so sorry you are feeling like this. I know how awful it must be to feel so alone. I feel alone and isolated too, but you re going through so much more. All I can say is we are all here for you and that this will get better. For me, small steps go a long way-- I try to keep my apartment as clean as possible. Its a struggle but I still force myself to do it. I try to go to the grocery store at least once a week to buy a few things I can put together without too much effort. I try to ensure I dont stay hungry though I have almost zero appetite. I dont know if these small steps will help you, but they are worth trying...bit by bit. Anytime you want to talk, am here. Giving you loads of positive energy.
Hi there! I'm so sorry to hear about your experience with loneliness. My best suggestion is (like I did) is to try to get to know people and to set aside the negative thoughts about people. If you are also sad, set a time every day to tell yourself:"I'll try to be happy" and repeat it. Trust me. After that, your brain will automatically stop you from plunging negativity into your life. Good luck
• in reply to
Hi! Thank you so much for reaching out to me and for sharing your experience dealing with loneliness. I struggle a lot to reach out to others and I feel so vastly different compared to the average New Yorker that it makes me feel even more isolated and alone. But I will certainly give your suggestion a try and hope for the best just knowing that there are so many wonderful people here willing to talk to me gives me strength and hope <3
• in reply to
So happy I could help
Good morning. I find myself being the same way. Due to financial hardship I have relocated to another state with my daughter and her family. The are very busy and I am left home alone much of the time. I would m be to talk anytime you need.
• in reply toKatlynn
Thank you for reaching out to me Katlynn. It’s quite isolating when the family is not around. Most of my family is living in other states now and we’ve even had some that have passed away recently too.
Hi Katlynn. I know exactly how you feel. I recently relocated to Cyprus and am here without any family, friends or support structures. It can be so so lonely and isolating. I feel that way all the time and its led to quite a bit of anxiety for me, which makes it even harder to cope. Am here so pls do get in touch whenever you feel like. Big hug
BlaqkRainbow,
I know how the lonliness feels. You have my empathy. I have social anxiety... too terrified to get out and socialize. Yet it’s lonely at home. I have a part time temporary job where I feel useful and comfortably around people. Yet after work it’s lonely. So I know what you’re experiencing. You’re not alone.
Best,
MZ
• in reply toMrZee
MZ,
Thank you for reaching out to me with your kind words. It’s wonderful to know I’m really not alone even though it feels that way. Even at work I feel lonely since it’s just me at the office most of the time. You’re not alone either MZ and I get you too. I feel useful at work but at home I struggle with feeling lonely at the end of the day. It’s always the hardest at the end of the day.
MrZee• in reply to
Thanks for your reply, BR. It’s actually fulfilling in a way knowing that you and others experience the same. Social anxiety and depression are not to be taken lightly especially that we live in a “c’mon get happy” society.
Frankly people that are “great achievers” such as taking umpteen trips a year, belonging to social clubs, have won uncountable awards, and are quite popular bore the hell out of me.
I’m more for socializing with people that have similar struggles to my own social anxiety and when together in person we share the good simple things in life instead of whining about feeling defective.
And sometimes I have to just take a break and tune out of feeling down. For instance I’ll put in my earbuds (classical music) and talk a walk.
Still I struggle with all this... but like you we’re not alone.
-MZ
• in reply toMrZee
That’s quite true MZ. I find it helpful and fulfilling to know that I am not alone because in my head it always feels that way. It helps me to fight against that narrative while also working with others to encourage, uplift and appreciate one another.
The sad thing about overachievers is that they may be struggling the same way we all do and be unable to acknowledge it, much less work through it, and that often times leads to tragedies. We live in a society that seeks to sweep all struggles under thr carpet and that cannot be. A lot of people would feel I’m an overachiever what with all my degrees and my dedication to my work. What they never see is that I have all those meaningless things because I’m just trying to keep busy and outrun the loneliness, the emptiness and the sadness I’ve been feeling for so long. Material things can never replace all the love, care and meaning that comes from human relationships.
I also love to listen to music and go for walks Love to read as well and sometimes I’ll just sit at a coffee shop with a warm mug and just surround myself with life if I’m feeling particularly bad so as to not be on my own.
MrZee• in reply to
BR,
How honorable of you to mention all your achievements as well as your struggles. You’re quite right, we live in a society that prefers to sweep mental health struggles under the rug.
Well, if we lived in the same vicinity, you’d be someone nice to have a safe friendly chat with. No worries, this isn’t making a pass... I’m already in a good committed relationship. But it would just be nice to have human interaction with those that have similar struggles to mine. Plus you’re the first “achiever” I know of that has honestly shared you have social struggles. Thank you for that.
Best,
MZ
• in reply toMrZee
MZ,
I am simply being honest and forthcoming about these things, no need to thank me. It's so important to have these conversations in order to slash the stigma surrounding mental health and mental illness. Everyone struggles regardless of race, socioeconomic status, gender, sexual orientation etc etc.. We all have our demons. Therefore, we should all have easily accessible care when needed and we should all be kind and mindful toward one another. Knowing that there are others struggling, that we can support each other, goes a long way in fighting the feeling that maybe I'm defective or that maybe I'm not entitled to feel the way I feel because someone, somewhere is worse off than I am.
No worries, MZ. I fully understand that it's important to be able to have a safe space to have these conversations and to know that we are being understood, that our struggles aren't being summarily dismissed as whining or being a weirdo. I feel honored that you feel comfortable enough to share your experience with me beyond the realm of the internet Thank you very much for that.
Best,
BR
MrZee• in reply to
Thank you BR for your kind words. You phrased them quite eloquently. For me it’s “easy” to connect with people on the Internet. I can do that within the safety of my Smartphone or computer without feeling threatened of being in an intimidating social situation.
The thing about making connections/friends on the Internet is that it’s so close yet so far at the same time.
Yet, as I slowly work on creating a small circle of friends (that is in person) I do hope to meet people like you where I can engage in good conversation while feeling safe and socially fulfilled.
I appreciate you included sexual orientation in your previous response. Being Gay myself, what’s challenging for me is the Gay community is very socially active. Yet when I’ve gone to Gay pride or a bar it’s just too overwhelming for me. I mentally suffocate in crowds. So to be Gay and isolate is a sad challenge for me. I’m grateful for my orientation. But then regardless of orientation we’re just all human beings with everyday life to take on.
Even if we’re on separate coasts, thank you for the friendly words and chat.
Best,
MZ
• in reply toMrZee
I could say the same thing to you, MZ. Thank you for your kind words, honesty and willingness to chat with me. It's always easier to connect with people on the internet because a lot of the walls we put up in person to protect ourselves come down. Also, a lot of our insecurities remain untouched when we're online because there really isn't a mandate to be forthcoming or honest about what we're saying. That's why your honesty matters and I deeply appreciate it.
However, technology can never really fulfill the gap that comes from a lack of meaningful human relationships or from experiencing the dignity and worth of the person. I trust that you will meet others that you will feel just as safe and socially fulfilled as you feel with me. Because wonderful people like yourself exist
People come in all shapes, sizes, colors and that's what makes life fascinating. Variety is the spice of life after all. Therefore, now more than ever, It's important to acknowledge, uplift, and celebrate diversity in every way possible. I wouldn't say that being Gay and struggling with social anxiety is a challenge, MZ. Think of it as you being uniquely you. It can be frustrating when we think of the stereotypes that exist about Gay men being bubbly and ever sociable. It's okay to not be as sociable. After all, those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. It is far better to have a close-knit, albeit small circle of friends that truly cherish and support us than to be surrounded with tons of people that a re hypocrites.
We're all human beings, unique and unrepeatable, and the most important thing to remember is that you are worthy of good things and a good life, MZ. I appreciate you very much and it has been such a profound pleasure for me to chat with you. Even if we're on separate coasts, I already consider you a good friend MZ.
Sincerely,
BR
MrZee• in reply to
Wow BR, I’m beside myself after reading your supportive words. It is people like you that I would like to have in my small circle of supportive friends.
I’m curious if you’re a writer or have the desire to do so. Your words flow quite well. I would say that’s a reflection of your vast education. As I always say, “one who is truly rich is educated.”
A couple years back I took a Humanities class at the local community college and greatest thing I learned in that class is being ‘educated’ is actually one who has an open mind to the human condition. It appears you and I have that component of education in common.
As for the Gay community, I’m fine with avoiding the big get togethers. Besides they’re mostly alcohol based. I do like to take an occasional sip of wine or a beer, but not to become someone else is vast social situations like going to Gay pride. So I’m fine with who I am regarding my sexuality. I do have a partner of 23 years. He’s a good guy. But that’s not enough for me socially.
And, you hit the nail right on the head: technology can not fulfill the whole human exchange especially when it comes to not really knowing the full extent of each other on both ends of the communication.
Still, I am relishing our chats. Someday if I make a friend in person with your qualities, I’ll be a very lucky person.
I hope your day today in New York treats you well. I’m about to start my day as well.
Best for now,
M
• in reply toMrZee
Thank you very much for the compliment, MZ. I used to write several years ago prior to the onset of my depression. I haven’t been able to write ever since. Although I do write scholarly pieces for the purposes of academia and working on my Masters, but my passion has always been creative writing.
The one thing that I’ve learned through my education is to be humble. I may know many things but at the same time, the more I come to know, the more I realize that I have a grain of sand from the infinite beach of knowledge. I ultimately don’t really know anything. But I’ve learned to seek answers for myself, to question things and to be open to experiences.
Thank you for sharing all of this with me, MZ. It’s quite admirable to know that you have such a long lasting relationship with a good person. It’s quite normal that our partner cannot fulfill all of our social and emotional needs, hence the need for close-knit friendships and relationships with our family
Still, I hope to meet someone like you someday. I’d be quite fortunate to have such a caring, attentive and honest friend like you
Sincerely,
BR
MrZee• in reply to
Good Morning BR,
Whether you wrote several years ago and feel you can not now because of your depression...well, in my humble opinion, you’re doing an impressive job in your written messages.
Years ago when I was in college I befriended one of my professors. She was a wonderful empathetic person. Her name was “Suka.” After we got to know each other I told her about my depression and fears. Then she told me an interesting story... Alexander the Great suffered from depression. His medication was he would write. And that he did quite a bit. Now isn’t that interesting that a person of remarkable history suffered from depression yet was quite a success?
I would say those of us who are depressed and/or live with social anxiety are truly the gifted ones.
Even if you’re writing for your Masters, try to take the time for some creative writing. Even if you feel that you can not actually creatively write (for now) then do so in your head.
I would love to be able to be a fiction writer. I have about 9 or so novels in my head that are unique and plots I’ve never seen before. I’ve told some people about some of my plots and they’re blown away with the stories. Everyone I tell says, “Michael, you should write and publish those. They’re incredible.” Well BR, I wish I could. The only thing is with my ADHD I have challenges sitting still. So when I sit down to write I can only do two or three sentences and walk away already burned out. So instead of beating myself up for that, I play the novels in my head and actually find that quite comforting. I know I have the talent for the unique stories. I just wish I had the discipline to sit and write them.
So even if you feel you’re not able to creatively write, listen to the creative stories in your head. Then let me know either way if that brings you comfort.
Wouldn’t it be great if we could sit and share the creative stories in our heads? That would make for some interesting conversation.
I hope your day in the Big Apple is treating you well.
I look forward to our written chats.
In so glad you've got lots of replies. With this online group you are among friends and folks who understand. We are here and keep in mind that a Great and Loving God is with you also. He counts your tears. Seek a relationship with Him. You just might find some hope and comfort there.
• in reply toLyn842
Thank you for your kind words <3 I have certainly been working on that especially after the death of two of my uncles in the last two months. My biggest comfort is knowing that even when I’m not thinking straight and I can’t come up with any ideas to help myself, he will shine a light and guide me towards whatever it is I need. God always provides.
Lyn842• in reply to
Yes He does! Sometimes we don't realize it at the moment but in hindsight it becomes clear.
Hi blaqkrainbow I hope things are doing great for you . . . How are you feeling today
• in reply toApolz
Hi Apolz, thank you for reaching out to me Things are definitely looking up these days thanks to all of you here I’m not feeling so alone today and I even feel with more energy to do things today how about you?
I'll have a chat with you. Just pm me x
• in reply to
Thank you for reaching out to me <3 I will certainly do so
Hi Hi...How are you? Just thought I'd check in.
• in reply toPriya6
Hi Priya! I’m doing better today. Thank you for checking in. How are you? I pray that things ease up for you at work soon
Priya6• in reply to
Oh I'm okay. It was a bit rough in the morning...but I survived. Hope you are doing great.
• in reply toPriya6
I’m happy to hear that you’re feeling okay I’m doing alright, had a peaceful day and haven’t been feeling as lonely thanks to the wonderful people here
Priya6• in reply to
Thats good to hear. I am slowly trying to be a little more relaxed and centre myself as well. Its hard though...I have moments where I feel so very isolated.
if you want to talk to me. Im from Nottingham in the UK, would be good to hear whats happening in the big Apple
• in reply toScottieStyles
Thank you for reaching out to me Scottie I’d also love to hear more about what’s happening in the UK.
Well its red hot here blighty at the mo/ plus world cup fever has taken over the country.
In regards to being down. just take each day as it comes. I always leave a radio on in my house ( normally BBC radio 6 on DAB ) Its always good to have music on even if its in ther background/ you wont feel as lonely then
Same here. We had a dumb heat wave. Aside from that, the country has been swept up by madness and intolerance. I also try to take each day as it comes but sometimes it's just too hard for me. I generally have music playing but even then I don't find it as helpful when it comes to being lonely. Sometimes I try to step out and go to the theater just to surround myself with people, and sometimes that's helpful.
Hello BlaqkRainbow,
Being alone a good deal of the time, myself, and feeling very lonely, I've been quietly ruminating about loneliness, while I read through threads like this one, thinking about the profound impact being alone can have on mental health.
I know from personal experience that my health anxiety is many times magnified when I'm alone, but something as simple as even chatting with a stranger can ease it a bit (if only for a brief time).
To always be unwillingly isolated is a pain no one should have to bear, but seems doubly cruel to those with mental illness because they are already suffering.
Though there are times when I require a measure of solitude and I treasure it, I long to have a deeper connection with people, though I know that's easier said than done. It reminds me of a passage from my favorite novel, Of Mice and Men, where the character, Crooks, says, "I tell ya a guy gets too lonely an' he gets sick." I feel that way a lot.
You sound like a very thoughtful and kind person; feel free to add me as a friend and/or message me if the loneliness takes hold again.
Take care and be well.
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