Anxiety Relationship

[CRA93]

As of lately, I've been kinda numb and zoning out a lot...almost "calm" but I know it's probably because I'm in a dissociative state of mind these days. I don't know if it's my anxiety/depression that fears my boyfriend has someone else or if he actually does. He's been with me through a lot but I always get scared that he's going to leave for someone more "sane". As of lately he's been weird, I found out he's been depressed because he can't seem to find a job that makes him happy. I see him almost every day but he never has his phone out around me and if he gets calls he'll just look at his phone and ignore it. He doesn't get fidgety or anything whenever this happens but I get suspicious. The other day I seen him he was very quiet and after we had lunch he text me once and did not text me until the next morning after I responded. He seems semi affectionate at times but again I don't know if it's his depression making him act this way or my anxiety taking over my mind. He's dealt with ugly sides of me and this has led us to break up before in the past, he took me off his social media after this and since has not put be back on. He says he doesn't want to be one of those couples, he doesn't even like my content. I feel absurd talking about this but I don't really want to discuss this with anyone else because they don't get the way it feels to constantly be fearful or sad for no reason.... Also as of now we're not really together, he says we're working toward being back in a relationship because of everything that has been going on. We've been talking for about 2 weeks now and I'm just nervous or scared that there is someone else. There was an instance where we went to Barnes and Noble recently and his best friend was working though he wanted to avoid him at all costs...I thought this was strange but he said he hasn't been talking to anyone and has been ignoring all his friends because he's been sad and didn't want to see him. I'm really confused because I want to be here for him but I don't know if I should or how to be here for him because this is the first time he's actually tried telling me how he's felt. I guess I'm scared there's someone else and he's being weird because of it. I'm rambling at this point, sorry.