I feel I have nothing to live for. My faith keeps me going but the battle is uphill. I have no family or friends. Just church and my dog. My future is only more of the same. Who needs this?
Nothing to live for: I feel I have... - Anxiety and Depre...
Nothing to live for
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AngieBrooke
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66 Replies
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You are not alone.
Sometimes it really does feel that way i know.but there are always people that are around to help and talk.even if its on here x
Thank you, Minnie. I feel so alone. Being here helps some
I honestly think these forums are fantastic.there is always somebody out there feeling the exact same as you.you are never alone and that is so comforting i think.
Always here if you need to talk x
Thanks, Minnie. I may take you up on that.
I hope you trust your faith. And your dog loves u I'm sure. Going to church is a great thing. I believe we get strength from there and our faith. Get involved in a church group. Talk to the pastor. Tell him what your feeling
It sure couldn't hurt, it might help.
Thanks, Harley. Right now we are between pastors, but we get by. I joined a Bible study and am joining the choir, but time at home, which is the majority of my time, is lonely and depressing. My adult kids live in other states. I spend the vast majority of my time alone with a bleak future outlook.
I'm sorry your lonely. Is there things that u could do at home or take your dog to a dog park. Plant a garden or flowers. Something to do with your time at home. I don't work and my husband does so I'm home alone alot. I just had to find things to fill some time. You can do it.
Thanks, Harley. I have a bad back, so I spend my time playing a word game on the internet. It isn't quality, but it passes the time. If not for my phone I don't know what I would do!
The internet connects those of us who would be literally alone without it. For this I am grateful.
Yeah I've had 3 back surgeries, so I use a hair to sit in to mess with my flowers. Yes phones are great when the person on the other end is happy.
A hair? I am unfamiliar with the term. Yes, the phone is my only source of internet. I don't talk on it much. I only take it with me because my car is old, in case I break down. I get few social calls, and I make few. I talk to my daughter, but she does not want to hear any problems and is not supportive in the least.
I meant a chair or small stool
Shame on your daughter. How does she think she got here in the first place? Perhaps my older eyes missed this, but do you work, and if not could you volunteer somewhere? You WILL be appreciated.
I am sorry about your back surgery, unless it helped you. Did it?
Did you mean chair? Sorry! I hate typos and make them all the time, lol.
Is there any way you could move closer to your kids?
No, no way at all.
Well, you have your reasons- sorry about that. I hope that they can visit more often then. At any rate do you still work? Even if you do if there is room in your schedule volunteers are always more than welcome like at animal shelters, food banks, schools, vet centers. Sending sunshine your way!
Thanks! I got it!
Here's hoping that you have a better day.
The world needs you in it!! Your dog and church family need you too. You were made specifically and uniquely for a purpose. Giving up or backing out on that purpose would be tragic! I seek God’s will for my life and the power/strength to carry that out. I try very hard to embrace my difficulties since I believe they are preparing me for the road ahead. None of us know what the future holds...be hopeful! Maybe there’s some way you can help others. That’s a great way to feel like you have a purpose! Sending you hugs!!
AngieBrooke in reply to
Thank you! I am so depressed my hair hurts, lol. But you guys do cheer me up. Thanks for your words of encouragement. I am toughing it out for now.
Sometimes all of us feel tht way but the truth tht i learned is to love myself more even in my lonely times ,jst believe in urself and ur faith
I am trying
Hi Angie,. I work in hospice for people with cancer, Parkinson's, and Alzheimers. So many are lonely and without family and I bring them balloons and cards on their birthdays when they don't have anyone. They become my adopted family. I do know that in my community we have something called meals on wheels where u volunteer to bring meals to housebound people. You can volunteer for a few hours a week or more depending on your availability. Maybe u could try something like that and who knows...,new friendships may begin. ❤️ I have 2 dogs and besides my work , church, exercise etc I don't have freinds either. Sure I have acquaintances at work who I guess I could make plans with but don't always make the effort. I know must of my neighbors are the same. We all see each other walking out dogs and stop to chat here and there but no one really has visitors etc so I think a lot of people feel so much like you. Hang in there. If u ever need a shoulder I would be happy to be one.
Thank you. I appreciate this. Maybe loneliness is a state of mind. I didn't use to feel this way. But I look into my future and there is nothing there.
I think you mentioned that you have a bad back. I do not know how old you are, but is there a senior center in your area? They usually have activities and even meal times for people.
No, but I am 55. I will soon enough be visiting such a center!
I wrote a response but I think it was lost. Angie if I look to tommorrow things look bleak so I rarely think about the future...not that I don't plan. I so get it. I really literally take one second at a time. Not one minute or even one day. I also visualize when I walk .....things like my fear and doubts being driven down out of my body and I visualize stepping on the words of doubt , fear, and worry and then vacuuming it up and shooting it up away from me into the sky and it turning into peace, joy, love etc. a little out there I know but it helps me stay strong. I have had many times of darkness but I have a strong will to fight. I have really serious health issues that scare me more as I of course fear getting worse with no support. We are here for a reason. We weren't all given the gift of happiness and joy and some have to fight for it whether with meds or therapy etc but just promise you won't give up. i am so sorry you are going through this time and u have my support and prayers. ❤️
Lymeforyears, a very enlightening response. Very well said. Thank you for sharing. xx
Thank you. I am still plodding along. I hope you find happiness.
I understand what you are saying. What happened to our sense of community and deepening towards each other? This is also addressed in a book called Tribe. Acquainances are different than friends of course, and thank you for what you do for people.
❤️ Your welcome. And thanks for mentioning that book. Sounds like something worth reading 💛
You're talking about Tribe , right? Sebastian Junger is the author. He also wrote The Perfect Storm. He lives in MA.
I know how you feel Angie as I myself have been there 2 yrs ago & felt there was no way out but either an overdose or jumping in the river. You have friends here in this group who are here for you (I wish I had found here sooner) & we will support you in any way that we can
I put my husband (partner @ the time) through sheer hell, I am still surprised that he didn't leave me, faith is powerful & if you wish, I can pray for you
I know the feeling Angie. I have no friends, only those I work with. My family have their own lives, and given up on me. I never been married so I have no children. Years of anxiety and depression have taken its toll on my life, I pushed people away and isolated myself. Everyday is the same for me. I never thought my life would turn out this way.
I’m not good with giving advice, I just don’t have the answers. As you can tell I’m struggling myself. But atleast you have your church to turn to. And this forum is a wonderful place to find like minded people. There are so many lonely people out there just looking for someone who will listen.
I’m here. Hang in there Angie and have a wonderful day.
Thank you. I am glad I am not alone, but very sorry for your circumstances. I hope things improve for you. I think about suicide daily. This is no life. The thought of my death brings me peace.
I can relate to how you feel. I often think that my life will never improve. I’m all alone, I have no one to really talk to, except those I work with. And I certainly don’t talk about my anxiety or depression.
So I come here knowing that people in this forum will understand. I don’t feel so alone. But yeah I do think about how difficult my life is, the loneliness, the anxiety. But I do know there are people who care, I just need to open up to them and get reconnected. I’m just so embarrassed by my life. And I live inside a very small comfort zone.
So please hang in there. I’m always here if you feel like talking.
Thank you. I appreciate that. It helps knowing that I am not alone, that others are going through the same, though I wish none of us were.
You family gave up on you? Would you like to talk about that? Perhaps that is your depression talking.
I just think back through the years and how much I avoided being with people. Especially going to social gatherings, and this also included my family. I thought I would be judged negatively, people would notice I was uncomfortable. So through the years I stopped going, and eventually I was no longer invited to things. My family and friends got tired of my excuses and moved on. But I didn’t know I had an anxiety disorder. So many years just wasted.
My girlfriend passed away in 2010, we were together for almost nine years. And my Dad passed in 2014. And my Grandparents who raised me passed 20 years ago, I miss them so much and I just don’t think I can go on like this much longer.
But Thank you so much for replying.
Sorry about all of your losses. My parents passed away. If you still have family you care about- perhaps you could give them a call or send a card- it shows that you are thinking about them. Not everybody likes large social gatherings and prefer to have one on one time- perhaps you could state that. Even with anxiety everything takes practice.
Sending good vibes your way. Do you have any pets?
Thank you. And I do have a pet my cat Mango. She’s 15 and unfortunately has kidney disease. Shes on a special diet, but I don’t want to think of the inevitable. She’s the last pet I have. I used to have a dog and two other cats. My girlfriend who passed away loved animals. And now only Mango remains.
I’m just so incredibly sad.
Thanks for responding. Perhaps a card is a good idea, just to let my family know I’m thinking of them.
I know what losing a pet is like- it's a real low down blow. Sorry Mango has a kidney disease, but thank goodness your kitty is still there. You sound like a real animal lover. Sending good vibes your way, and good thoughts about you getting in touch with your family. Please keep posting.
Hi Angie! You've had lots of replies with folks feeling the same way. I can feel lonely even with friends at a social event so to some degrees it IS a state of mind. Going to church and having faith is wonderful. Huge step in the right direction. Even there I can feel like no one cares but its me, not reaching out, Not letting my pain show; not getting involved. I have been in the past and it helps but I don't show the real me who may be struggling. Finding something at home to do that brings you pleasure can be hard. The internet can be great and games ok but sounds like you need more. Buy one of the adult coloring books, put some music on that you like and work on your creative side. Lots of craft kits out there. You need something that gives you satisfaction. Puzzles? Then after you can shellac them and hang them up. Just a few suggestions like others have tried to do. You are never alone with God. He is always there to listen. Read your Bible, put on some worship music to draw close to him. He promises if we draw close to Him, He will draw close to us. Hugs to you.
This sounds really difficult. I hope at least that the community that you do have is supportive, and BTW welcome- and having a doggie myself- I know that dogs offer unconditional love. Going outside myself with the doggie.
Is there a NAMI branch there ( National Alliance on Mental Illness) if you are in the USA?
Hello Angie.
I had same exprience in 24 March 2018, but a bit different, even not wanted to go outside alone.
Your not alone, you maybe have to many expectation about something or I don’t know.
I have to tell you that until you write here you’re not alone.
Please, be positive. Big hugs.
Back at ya
I got three things from your comments:
1) When you talk about suicide, it's not that you don't want to live(otherwise you wouldn't even be here asking for help), it's that you don't want to live the life that you're currently living(in constant pain). I want you to be aware that it's not bad to feel what you're feeling: what we feel(our feelings and emotions) are a compass that lets us know where we are in life and where we need to go. I want you to stop looking at what you're feeling as good or bad, and start looking at your feelings in terms of USEFULNESS. What is the use of what you're feeling? What is your mind trying to tell you? What does your mind want you to do?
Example:
* Feeling fear in the middle of a fire: what is the purpose of fear? To keep you alive by letting you know of a threat that could harm you, giving you energy and generating stress so that you do something about what is causing this fear. What do we do when we feel fear? We use that energy to eliminate the threat and to keep us safe(in this case, extinguishing the fire if we can handle it or getting as far away as we can and calling the firefighters)
So, pay attention to what you are feeling. What is the purpose of this feeling? Why are you feeling like this, what is your mind trying to tell you? What does your mind want you to do?
2) You say that you have "nothing to live for". What do you mean by "nothing"? What would you want to "live for"? Better relationships? A better career? Why are you looking for this? How would having this affect your life? How would you benefit from having this change in your life?
3) Your mind is designed to make you satisfy your needs(so that you give yourself the things that you require to survive). But it doesn't care HOW or WHO satisfies your needs(as long as your needs are met). If your body is asking for food, your mind doesn't care if someone else cooks for you or you're the one cooking, as long as you give your body some food. When you're tired, your mind doesn't care if you're the one going to sleep on your own or if there's someone else there to make sure that you're going to bed(as long as you give your body what it needs). You talk about being alone as a bad thing, as if when you're alone, there's no one for you to satisfy your needs. Well, what about yourself? You can satisfy your needs too, you can cook for you, you can make you go to sleep, you can listen to yourself and pay attention to what you're feeling so that you know what is going through you at the moment and so that you know what you want, and you can make yourself act so that you accomplish those things that you want.
PS: even though being alone is not a bad thing, the quality of the people you surround yourself with influences the direction in which your life is going, the way that you think, feel and behave.
If you're constantly surrounding yourself with pessimistic people who don't go for what they want and are used to feeling bad and are constantly complaining, you'll start to feel think like them, feel like them and live the life that they're living(you'll also adopt their behaviors so if they smoke, drink or overreat, you'll start doing those things too).
If you're constantly surrounding yourself with optimistic people that go for the things that they want, that take care of themselves and when they feel "bad" they do something about it, then you'll start to think like them, you'll feel like them and you'll behave like them(you'll start taking care of yourself like them and you'll adopt their other behaviors).
So be aware of the kind of people you're surrounding yourself with.
PS2: it happens with the other things that you consume as well.
If you always consume junk food, you'll always feel bad
If you always consume healthy food, you'll always feel good
If you're always watching news channels that talk about murder, rape, tragedies and how bad the economy is and how bad the world is and how we can't do anything about it. You'll start to be more pessimistic and you'll be constantly looking at the things that are bad in your life, ignoring the things that are going well and constantly feeling bad.
If you're constantly consuming information on how to improve your life, success stories and talking to people who always appreciate the good things in life, who are kind and who never give up no matter how hard things get sometimes, you'll start paying attention at the things that are going well in your life, you'll start appreciating the good things in your life, you'll start being more resilient and you'll find yourself enjoying your life no matter how hard the thing that you're going through right now is, because you'll know that no storm last forever, the sun always comes out eventually, and if you keep fighting you'll eventually find what you're looking for.
Thank you for your insight and helpful advice. I will try to take it, but depression zaps my motivation. I know you are right!
Motivation is the energy you generate to do something. When someone thinks that they are not motivated enough to do something its because their body is not generating enough energy for them to do it.
When something is hard to do/achieve, you'll need more energy/motivation to do it.
When somehing is easy to do/achieve, you'll need little energy/motivation to do it.
When you "lose" motivation its because your mind is generating something called "psychological resistance". When does your mind generate resistance? When you're doing something that you consider won't help you achieve what you want(it's the way your mind says to you: forget this, lets try something else).
There are two types of motivation: push-pull.
Push motivation is the energy you generate to get away from something bad.
Example:
a) you feel pain and that pain pushes you to go to the doctor.
b) you are close to a twister and the fear that you experience makes you run as far as possible from the twister.
Pull motivation is the energy you generate when there's something that you want with all your heart and its within your reach. In this case your mind generates this energy so that you go towards it to achieve your goal.
Example:
a) you find your dream job/career/relationship(someone with whom you're completely complatible with) and all you need to do is to apply to this job/career/say hi. In this case you'll find yourself being pulled towards what you want.
b) you've always wanted to live a healthy life, always feeling good and having a lot of energy to do the things that you want, you find that eating healthy, exercising and managing your mind will help you achieve this. In this case you'll generate energy to eat healthy, exercise and learn about how your mind works.
To generate energy and to keep it, all you need to do is:
1) Make sure this is what you want(be it something that you want to move away from or something you want to go towards). Some deep desire or an unmet need, be clear about what you want and what you don't want. And how this thing that you're doing will help you achieve this.
2) Make it achievable: find a path that puts this goal within your reach.
Example: you want to exercise and eat healthy? hire a nutritionist and a physical trainer.
3) Easier to do: if you make something easy to do, you won't need much motivation to do it.
Example: you want to exercise in the morning but being sleepy makes it harder to get out of bed to find all the things that you need to exercise? get your clothes, shoes, energy drink, etc. ready the night before and put them next to your bed, so that when you wake up, all you need to do is change and start exercising.
4) Make sure its getting results(be it taking you closer to what you want or helping you achieve your goal): the reason why you lose motivation/generate resistance is because you're not getting results with what you're doing. If you get results(just getting one step closer to what you want can be considered a result), you'll keep generating energy/motivation until you reach your goal.
Be thankful for your church and your faith! What do people like us do without Jesus holding our hand?
I would be dead without Him.
It sounds like you need more support. Feel free to message me any time. Does your church have groups that you can go to? Do you socialize with people from your church outside of church? What are your hobbies? It might be good to take a class or join a group related to what you like to do. Are you in the USA? 211 is the national helpline and has crisis support if you ever want to end your life and need to talk to a professional. They can also refer you to local resources for support too.
Thank you for that.
Is there a way you could visit your daughter or she could come to you- I know visits with people who mean the most can do a whole lot. Best to ya
I am sorry you are feeling alone. Sometimes we all feel alone. But know you are not alone. There are people here who understand and care about you. Sharing on this forum is very helpful. So please continue sharing. You may feel a connection to others on this forum and want to chat with them.
You mentioned you go to church. Are you part of a small group? I find a bible study or fellowship group is very important to finding friends and those you can connect with. I just moved and really haven't made many friends yet, but I know God is always with me and He is always with you. I have joined a small group, but friendship takes time to develop and find people we are meant to connect with. Trust God and stay focused on Him.
When I feel lonely, I listen to Christian songs and read the bible and a daily devotional to remind me I am not alone. Here is a great song - bit.ly/2KrxDGQ. God loves you and wants us to remember how much he loves us. We need to remember to pray and talk with Him about how we feel. I will be praying for you and happy anytime to chat with you. Love and Blessings!
I too live with my children and they are not home most of the time. I find that going to the library and finding good happy books and just sit in the quiet and read helps me . There are always people there so I don’t feel so alone!
Linds
Obviously I don’t know you , but everyone on this site is hear for a reason. And I would say most feel very alone even if we have a house full of people. Negative thinking keeps us in this prison in our head. That being said everything is temporary in life , the way we feel one day from the next or feeling worse for a long time but we all have good times. I’m sure when you walk in that house your dog looks at you with all the love in the world and I know that brings a smile to your face. We all need help , psychiatrist medication and sites like this. I’m sure you’ve been on meds or are on them. People will always have it worse , cancer , heart Disease and many other conditions that can really depress you out of your mind. I hope you will get or find the proper Dr and meds to help you cope. Stay strong you will be fine and I’m sure there’s someone out there for you as a partner.
How are you today? What kind of doggie to you have. I have a cross breed.
Tell me about your dog
Sorry to get back to you so late. Depression takes up my time, as you probably know. My dog is part rat terrier and Chihuahua. He is darling and full of spunk. I kiss him right on the mouth, lol. He really is my baby.
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