First post

[321me]

I'm new to posting. I have been reading a few posts and the replies. It does help to know that others understand or have been through situations that people share in their posts. I have major depressive disorder and GAD. I was diagnosed snd treated for over a year as bipolar type 2, but regular doc and therapist said i wasn't bipolar and to find a new meds doc. I'm 53 and dont care what label i have i just wat to feel better. I have hit a very low point. I am what's been called high functioning because I have a job and compliant with meds. When I tell my meds doc or therapist about this slow spiral downward, they say it's just a set back. I'm on 12.5 mg of paxil and 25 mg seroquel. I had the DNA testing and the SSRI class of drugs and other antidepressants are considered ineffective. I've tried CBT and other behavioral based therapies, but i go through the motions, but i feel like an imposter, like I'm just doing it so the therapist has a good day. I am honest about the feelings I have and I'll write down a positive counterpart to anything negative. I just see it as a word game and my heart's not in it. I'm at a point where I've given up, I'm tired of trying.

[Hidden]

Don't ever give up.

Hello and welcome.

[321me in reply to Hidden]

Thank you. Your words were helpful.

[AZ1970]

I am proud of you for hanging in there despite the fact that you don't feel like your treatment is helping. Is there a block in your mind that is trying to hold something back? The reason I ask that is I often get distracted by things that are not really the issue to avoid the real thing. I get worse and worse when I do that.

[321me in reply to AZ1970]

I never thought about something blocking my way. I thought about this for a while and think being afraid of embarrassment or being ridiculed. I know I can only control my reactions to events and not control people (as if I could) but the stigma of depression could end my career as a teacher. No one wants a mentally ill person to teach their child so I cover up my symptoms the best I can. But I know the real me is lurking around waiting to be seen by others. I'm not paranoid, I would be one of those who no one would think was depressed or anxious.

[AZ1970 in reply to 321me]

I was a teacher for 16 years. You need to protect your career. However, you need at least a few people beyond professionals with whom you can be open and honest. That will help break down the stigma and shame in your mind. In a way, you are trying to live a life that isn’t authentic. That is painful. When we have that kind of pain we have to block it out. I hope I’m not giving too much advice. These are lessons I am learning myself.

[321me in reply to AZ1970]

I appreciate your perspectives and you make a lot of sense.

[Rpan]

I’ve been dealing with this for many years also. 23 years in fact, it’s scary to say. People new on this forum may find this terrifying as most are looking for a way for this to go away. We search for the “cure”The fact for me is that there is no such thing. It’s about, for me managing the symptoms, with Gods help. I’m no preacher about Christianity so please don’t think I’m saying that prayer is the only answer, because it’s not but it does help. I just started on the app headspace. I absolutely think this issue becomes somewhat of an obsession for some of us, at times it’s all I can think about. I’ve been in therapy for many years and just had to stop for a while. I felt like I was just going through the motions. It’s ok to take a break with it. Feeling like giving up may just be exactly what you need, meaning just stop trying so hard. Happiness is a tough one, but joy can be had.

[321me in reply to Rpan]

Yes, I would have to say I want a cure, but deep down it will mean coping and managing. I have been focused on a "cure" maybe if I focus on what I can do I'll have better success. Thank you.

[Rpan in reply to 321me]

Yes I think that managing this is what it takes. Taking the time to eat healthy food, cardio, meditation all are forms of caring for ourselves, that is part of managing for me. This problem robs me of my self esteem, I think this is at the core of depression and anxiety. So reminding myself as to why I spend so much time eating healthy exercising and meditating all helps to build my self image. Replacing the negative with the positive is also about changing our self image. My grandfather told me to kiss myself everyday in the mirror and say I love you to yourself,I’ve yet to do this but maybe we both should start this practice too.

[softwaremom00]

Don't give up. There are some studies that say healthy eating might help.. eat more plants and less processed food.. is the best way to summarize it. I am not sure if it helps mood but it does help everything else.(Cholesterol etc..) Also cardio exercise is supposed to help. I know good cardio helps me feel good..but as I age my knees cannot handle running anymore. A friend of mine said tapping helped her.. it is kind of goofy.. but definitely worth a try. I am not sure where you live but Neuro-acupuncture might help some.. and a lot of insurance companies will cover it these days. In New Mexico we have some excellent neuro-acupuncture doctors.

I will mention meditation.. I think mindfulness meditation can be a really good tool for everyone dealing with illness. There are online classes I loved the 8 week local class that I took last year.

Lots of hugs and prayers.

Softwaremom

[321me in reply to softwaremom00]

My doctor recommended the DASH diet which was created for high blood pressure patients. It's a low sodium diet that focuses on low fat, good grains, etc. Its a version of a Mediterranean diet. My doc says it's a sensible plan no matter if you have high blood pressure. My blood work comes back normal for glucose, cholesterol, etc. It's an easy plan to follow, but my moods haven't changed since I've been on it.

[321me in reply to softwaremom00]

I forgot to mention, I've done guided meditation to help me get to sleep. So, I understand why you mentioned it. Maybe I need to incorporate it into other parts of my day. Thanks.