Can’t escape. What is this

[comb]

Work has been insanely busy lately. I have therapy Monday and Tuesdays and group therapy on Wednesday’s. When I’m not doing those two things, I’m exhausted or trying to relax. But the trauma has just been searing through any kind of down time I have. I can’t escape it. I feel like right now I’m just now seeing the illusion that I’ve made for myself. It’s terrifying and all encompassing. Idk does anyone relate?

I’ve also been trying to tell the difference between depression and anxiety and ptsd. What is me being depressed, what is me working through trauma? What is me just being anxious around people?

By taking responsibility for my emotions....am I invalidating mental illness?

Help I’m so confused

[AZ1970]

I have the same diagnoses so I can relate! I don't know that we can distinguish the symptoms at times. They all overlap. Working through trauma can be very intense. I commend you for working while doing so much therapy. I have a few observations: one is that perhaps you are doing too much therapy at once and your brain is having trouble managing it all? Your therapist should be helping you learn how to ground yourself when you get triggered. If you cannot do that it is very hard to cope when the trauma is surfacing. I would say, more than anything, be kind and gentle to yourself. You are doing a lot. I have learned to lather on the self care. That is the only way for me to handle the PTSD and anxiety. I tend to push through when things get tough and I always crash. I am hoping to learn my lesson soon.

[b1b1b1 in reply to AZ1970]

I am not too good at self care. Can you tell me what you do for self care. It seems like more of it would help.

[AZ1970 in reply to b1b1b1]

When I am tired, I lay down and rest. That sounds basic, but for me it is hard. I try to make sure I eat some kind of produce each day. I have been walking in the pool as I have a lot of joint pain and cannot do much else exercise-wise. I love guided meditations on You Tube. I started with 10 minute one and have worked up to 45 minutes. I learned to do deep breathing and use it when I get overwhelmed and anxious. I make sure I get enough sleep. I do crossword puzzles and color. I try to drink a lot of water. I love essential oils and use my diffuser. And finally I have three people in my life who I can be completely honest with when things are hard. Reaching out has been the most difficult thing for me, but it gets me out of my head. Does that help at all?

[b1b1b1 in reply to AZ1970]

Yes it helps. Thanks so much. I will try some of these. Reaching out is very hard for me too.

[comb in reply to AZ1970]

It’s a relief to meet someone else who has this diagnosis! Working has been really intense. When you said “I tend to push through when things are tough then crash” is so very true. I’ve been doing DBT which has helped quite a bit with triggers. But I find it SO difficult to have compassion for myself. I am trying to be kinder to myself, but the critical self is so overwhelming sometimes. Did you have trouble really committing to self care? I’m trying to find what that means for me.

[AZ1970 in reply to comb]

I have had a tough time even understanding what it means, and an even harder time implementing it. I have an autistic child and I sacrificed myself for too long. I can no longer work and have been in the hospital three times. I was released 3 weeks ago. I feel like self care is a matter of life and death for me. If I don’t take care of myself, I can’t take care of my daughter. She is 17 and needs me. Her care alone is overwhelming, not to mention hubby being out of work for 6 months. I am learning to pay attention to my mind and body. When I’m having a hard time thinking, I have to rest. I make myself go to bed at about the same time every night because sleep is important for me. In a way I feel like I am reparenting myself. Taking care of myself like I should have received as a child. I didn’t mean to get so deep, but that is where my thoughts took me. I have taken DBT as well and use it every day. Remember that you can be mindful in this moment without judgement. That means no judgment towards yourself. Do the next effective thing. Celebrate your tiny accomplishments. Maybe it’s trying a different eye shadow. Any small step toward loving and caring for yourself is a step in the right direction.