Performances

[Byelka]

I've been teaching yoga on and off over the last 4 years or so. I usually stop because of anxiety. Recently I've been trying to find the cause. I speak publicly a lot for my normal 9-5 so it's not public speaking. Recently I agreed to teach one night a week starting in July. I shared the class on facebook with my facebook friends. Today I saw that a friend of mind said he was attending the class. My heart began to race and full on panic set in. I'm still trying to calm myself down as I write this. But I thought about why, specifically, that caused the panic. I think knowing that someone who knows me personally would be at the class made me feel more vulnerable. When I teach, in a way, I think I pretend I'm someone else. I mimic other teachers because it makes it easier. I do this partly, maybe, because I don't feel confident to use my own voice, or maybe that I'm not good enough as myself, that I'll be judged. Having someone who knows me in the room makes me feel like they can see through that. They can see I'm lying, that I'm a fraud. I really want to teach this class, but I feel so overwhelmed. I worry that my anxiety will lead the way again and I'll end up backing out and letting someone (the owner of the place who is a friend) down again. What do I do? Every time I think about that friend going I panic. Do I ask them not to go until I'm more confident? Is that a strange request?

[Lyn842]

I hear where your coming from. Speaking to a bunch of strangers is one thing. Speaking to people that know you can be more nerve wracking. Learning by imitating other teachers is not wrong. They taught you, you liked how they did it. You want to be like them. Not wrong. You'll find your own way of doing things as you go along. If someone doesn't like what you do and drops out, so what? You can't please everyone. Do that class. If others were confident in leading a class they would be up there doing it. People cannot see thru another person. They can judge only what they see. All your thoughts and worries and lack of self esteem stays inside your own thoughts. Most people put on a "social face" when with others. Only those intimate friends have better insight to your thoughts and feelings.

[Hidden]

Hello Byelka, why not just speak to your friend, explain openly how you feel, see what his response is and take it from there? No friend would want to cause you unnecessary stress. Best wishes,

[fauxartist]

I think of it this way....forget about the friend for one thing...they are just another student...and your work persona is just that...a persona...that's what people do....they go into 'work mode'...and it does not matter what this acquaintance thinks....your doing a job with your work hat on. And when you’re not teaching....you take it off and be yourself just hanging out. Think of it as just business...and you have a job to do....that's it.