Huge anxiety

[Sparklygirl901]

Hi I am feeling massive anxiety, invasive thoughts, panic attacks, loss of appetite, I just don't have time for a meltdown right now, my kids need me. My husband is really trying to understand but he doesn't he thinks because I an self aware I can just buck up or pull myself together which as u all know I just wish it was that easy!!! I am very tearful and in a lot of pain, I have even been thinking I'd rather be dead than feel like this but I wouldn't hurt myself... I feel so awful, I had major anxiety in my twenties which led to a few years of OCD, but came throughout and although OCD and germaphoboa is never far away I have kept it under wraps, but right now I think my water tank is poisoned I have mould spores in my house etc etc... i have no idea what set this off all of a sudden but I feel.horrendous. 😣

[Sparklygirl901]

I don't know what there is to come to terms with... I had an abusive childhood, history of sexual abuse etc ive dealt with it, i don't feel residual anger or bitterness anymore I am at peace with my past there is no point going over it it isndine and I refuse to allow people who have wronged me as a child to control how i feel now as a grown up. I have no idea what set this off but seeing a therapist isn't going to help me short term maybe long term ur right... I've been down that road though and can do cbt on myself in general i feel ok with who I am, happy with myself as a rule... just feel huge panic and anxiety for no reason feels.scary as hell

[Sparklygirl901]

Thank you so much I wish I could find some peace in god, but I just can't get there, my faith is gone in that way, I thought yesterday I wish I could pray but I also thought I don't want to turn to god just because I'm low when I dont really have faith in that way, and am troubled by many aspects of Christianity, more I question it really...

[Sparklygirl901]

I do give love every day to my children they r the only thing that give me true joy and the only thing that keeps me from the walking into darkness forever. I am trying to distract myself with housework, reading etc I am watching a tv series I love i am trying to distract myself. I do over think you are perfectly right there always have over analysed and overthought... I am my own worst enemy

[Sparklygirl901]

Why shut up?

[Maggie1127]

Hi Sparkly. I agree with Goldie that it might be good to see a counsellor. Even if you've dealt with a lot of the issues from your past, it can be very therapeutic to have someone you can speak to on a regular basis. Their office can be a place to cry, to vent, to be honest in ways that you maybe can't be with other people in your life. Also, the counsellor may be able to help you find some techniques and practices that will help reduce your anxiety.

[dayatatime2]

Oh Sparklygirl I'm so sorry to hear things have started to spiral here. Have you reached out to your doctor to see if they can help you with any medication for anxiety? I was very hesitant to try something myself but after years of battling anxiety on my own without much relief I finally tried Sertraline and found it to be very helpful so far. It might help take the edge off so you can focus your mind on what is in front of you rather than the merry go round of what-ifs that anxiety can cause. I really hope you are feeling better today. It is so difficult to take care of children while you are also having thoughts like what you described. I will be praying for you and your family and for you to have relief soon!!