Medical student, family stuff...

[Mislav]

I am terribly afraid. In the following month I have to take some very important exams that, despite excellent grades and preparation, I do not feel ready for, but that is just a catalyst of the real problem I think I am dealing with. Just about half an hour ago, I wanted to talk to someone, to share how I feel, but after scrolling through 700+ contacts, I couldn't find one I could open to. I feel lonely and scared; I am surrounded by just a whole lot of fake people, fake friends, fake love...and I can see trough them so easily, and am able to smile back as if I don't know shit...it beaks my heart to realise that I have no real friends.

Other than that, my parents aren't there for me either; they always put me down by saying I am not good enough; they keep making me feel bad for what I have, and for what I want; and most importantly, they can't be talked to, and God know I tried... Soon after that my confidence plumited (#notanativespeaker?) and now I am super conscious of my body, my voice, my words...I feel it is restraining me from forming any meaningful relationships becouse I can't be physically close to anyone becouse I am perhaps scared that they will notice my imperfect skin, my wide or thin wrists...

I have a clear vision of the future, I know what I want to be, what I want to do; but it gets so incredibly difficult to carry all that garbage that my parents make me , to have to justify everything you do, to live by their rules...

If only I could be left alone...I am thinking of moving to another city, to another University simply to get away from them...am I wrong for doing that?

[Dubba61]

I can't tell you if thats wrong Mislav. You must be Super intelligent to be taking a Medical degree, they aren't easy. But you do seem to me to be trying to tackle too many things at once. Would it help you to write them down n see which are your priorities? Then sort of work out, what you need to change with each, point? I know how it feels to be self conscious. Ive never been able to overcome that one. But, what we can't overcome, we must learn to live with, I think. So I try to ignore it when people 1st hear my wheezy voice and look amused. Or when they realise that I'm an extremely short person. It's only for a minute or two, then people get used to it. And a genuine, Smile buys you a lot of forgiveness. Too. I would think finishing your degree is your 1st priority. Then you can go anywhere you like. Away from family and hopefully make New more genuine friends. Good luck.😊🌻✌️

[Mislav in reply to Dubba61]

Thank you very much! This made my day! 💪

[MARYRD27]

Dubba61 makes a lot of good points. I would add that you may be over-thinking and spending too much time in your head. Forget about the minor things and just focus on what's most important. You say all your friends are fake, but you may be judging them too harshly. Surely one of them is more genuine than the rest. Also, it sounds like you are in a very competitive situation. It is unfortunate that we are often required to be competitive when cooperation would be so much better, physically and emotionally. Try meditation or relaxation techniques. You can't control the people around you, but you can control how you react to them. And remember the saying. "Don't sweat the small stuff; it's mostly small stuff."

[Windy101]

Sometimes it's really hard to sort out the symptoms of depression and anxiety from reality. Depression tells us that no one cares about us, people mistreat us, we're not worthy, and that we can't accomplish anything. That's part of the disorder and so universal that it's like sneezing and coughing when you have a cold. School is stressful and you're at a time of making big decisions. I encourage you to see a therapist who can help you sort out what you really want to do.

Meanwhile, you're definitely not alone, and I'm so glad that you posted here. You just made a lot of new friends who understand all about depression and anxiety. Please keep posting! You'll find good advice and people who care. Best to you, friend.

[Mislav in reply to Windy101]

Thank you! You are most definitely right! I will see a therapist next week as I've come to realize that this needs medical attention just like any other disorder. You have made my life easier and more meaningful. Thank you very much! ☺️

[Windy101 in reply to Mislav]

You're so welcome! I hope things turn around very soon.