relationship

[cassgrace]

I met a guy that I completely fell about 9 months ago... no one ever seemed to care as much as he did. A month later I found out he used heroin for the last 5 years... a month later he went to rehab in Florida. He got out and convinced me to go for my marijuana usage. I went mostly because I didn't want to lose the love and connection that I thought I had with him... I was thinking it was going to be a fairy tale and that we would spend lots of time together and it was all finally going to be okay. I had so much hope. I don't know where it went wrong but I got very anxious about the relationship.. he didn't send me the nice cute and loving texts anymore.. we barely got to see each other even though I wanted to SO bad. I began to overthink and convince myself that he didn't love me, so i asked him if he wanted to break up and he said it was stressing him out too much and that we should go on a break... I chased him bc i was upset about it.. like what even is a break? I'm new with relationships and have never been very good at them. Without hearing back from him for 3-4 weeks I slept with another guy to try to get over him, it was really stupid and i didn't think about it before i did it, he was also very manipulative and kinda pushed me to do it, (it's not like me to just go around banging dudes), i didn't talk to that guy often after that just every now and then when he felt like talking to me. Shortly after that incident he popped back up asking me how I was doing, after i didn't hear from him and already banged another dude. I still thought about him almost everyday I just wasn't as upset anymore.. but I constantly still missed him.. we met up and HE decided we were back together again.. I didn't say anything about us not talking and him deleting me from his facebook and how i felt... because I knew I wanted to be with him and I just thought it was all gonna be good again. he started being distant again and not wanting to see me or make plans or anything.. i thought he was talking to someone else or something so i continued to hangout with other guys, nothing sexual or dating but just hanging out and spending time with them.. we are now back to our home town together.. I think we are soulmates and I can't see myself relating to or loving another person more than I do him.. but i feel guilty for talking to other dudes while we were out of town and sleeping with someone else.. even though we were on a break... I just feel like a whore... Does that count as cheating? How do I stop thinking about it and making myself feel like I ruined the bond that we had? Our communication is something that I noticed should def be fixed. But now he just feels distant and really moody and I just assume that it's bc of me. when he doesnt text me back I just assume its because of me and that i'm the reason he feels upset and depressed, idkk i just dont wanna feel like i did anything wrong but i do for some reason. Advice please? I love this guy a lot but i just don't know what to do sometimes because i don't feel like i'm as real and good as thought i was or should be if that makes sense? Did I ruin it?I didn't tell him about the other dude bc i can't lose him or make him think low of me. I really don't wanna lose him... I love everything about him.

[Hidden]

You have to ask you if this is a relationship you really want to be in. I know you love him but Dissappearing like that is a disregard to you and your feelings and it sounds like he is playing with you and your emotions when he does this. And that uncertainty and fear of losing him means you don't feel secure in this relationship and that's not fare to you. About his moodiness, have you tried asking him what is wrong and why he is acting the way he is? In a relationship communication is key and you can't be afraid to ask questions out of fear of losing him. I Have been there and it dragged me down into a constant anxious state, and trust me you will eventually get tired of it. You also cant make every emotion he feels about you and think that you are always doing something wrong. About the guy you slept with, I think you might of thought you wouldn't see your bf again aside from trying to forget him, but he dissappeared on you for weeks so please don't feel guilty, but for the future if this happens again you have to give yourself time before you try to connect with someone else to avoid any confusion or guilt.

[hypercat54]

You love everything about him? What even his heroin use, him not being honest with you, taking control of your relationship, being distant, leaving you in the first place?

Life isn't a fairy tale and a love like this doesn't exist. It's a myth implanted into little girls heads. It's also a myth that anything that goes wrong in a relationship is down to the woman. If her man treats her badly women are conditioned to think it is all their fault, if they were pretty enough, thin enough, more loving and caring then he wouldn't be like this - he would. You are not the cause of this mans behaviour - he is. You don't have the power to make him behave like this, he is choosing to for his own reasons which are nothing to do with you.

I think you are still chasing that fairy tale relationship and have put this man in that position rather than looking at the facts. Sorry if I come across as a bit harsh but you need to try and live in the real world more. I hope I have helped a bit though as that is always my aim. x

[MARYRD27]

Have you tried seeing a therapist? There is a lot going on in your head and you seem to be self-sabotaging. And, as you pointed out, the two of you have communication issues. Soulmates are usually solemates because they can can communicate with each other and share their feelings. They have empathy for each other.

You won't feel good with another person until you feel good about yourself. And there is no point beating yourself up over past mistakes, but you need to ask yourself why you made them and learn from them. That may require seeing a therapist. Life is not a fairytale and you will always be disappointed if you have unrealistic expectations.