Hi. I'm here because I struggl...

[WWR3]

Hi. I'm here because I struggle with Chronic Depression and Anxiety. There's also a possibility of bipolar I. I am currently medicated and I've tried CBT but I can no longer afford it. Recently, one of my friends told me that I criticize everything and that I need to just be happy and I've found myself just wanting to die for it. Mostly because I feel like I'll never have anyone to understand me..the honest truth is, I've been working hard to be more positive and I've felt "happier" since. So, to hear someone so close to me say something during a "happier" time, it just makes me feel hopeless.

It's like even when I try, I can't be happy. Happiness shouldn't be dependent on what's happening around you. I have a lot going on outside of myself...I should be able to handle it. I should have a place inside of myself that can't be swayed...My happiness should come from within. But how to do you gain that when what's around you is fucked up and you are biologically out of whack? Like, literally my internal environment is destined to always be a shit hole.

I'm tired of looking for hope only to have it snatched away; being reminded that there is none, not for people like me. I just need someone to understand me. So that's why I am here. Maybe this is a waste of time, but I'm here anyway bc, idk what else is left.

[Rpan]

I think anxiety and depression is a matter of prospective, it’s how we view the world! This can all change, but it all comes from within. Everything your noticing outside of you is in direct relation to how you see what is happening inside. Things outside of us can enhance happiness, that’s ok, but things outside of us will never make us happy. I’ve adjusted my expectations, now I’m happy when I feel content, anything more than that is just icing on the cake. That’s how I deal with it. My internal Environment is what needs to be nurtured, sounds like yours does also. That takes action. Diagnoses are helpful for medication management, just because there is a diagnosis doesn’t mean we are destined to feel horrible. Most of this can be overcome with the right attitude. So I certainly understand where your at and im willing to share with you what I have found that works.

[WWR3 in reply to Rpan]

I am interested in hearing more

[Dabela]

When I was reading this I felt like I had written it and just forgot. I relate so much to how you are feeling. Sometimes I feel like I am so fucked up on the inside that I don’t stand a chance. I feel like I’m climbing and I’m exhausted and I can see the top and then I get pushed down back to the bottom. How many times can you get back up feeling like you know your going to fall anyway. It’s isolating and makes me feel like no one understands me then someone says something to me out of ignorance and it just makes it more real. I may have rambled on a bit (sorry lol) but I just want you to know that you’re not alone and if you ever need a friend who gets it I’m here.