Exhausted and alone

[Dabela]

I’m new here and I have suffered from depression and anxiety since I was a teenager. It always has been a struggle for me but these past few months have been really bad. I lost my father and I don’t have anybody to talk to. I am struggling everyday and it just seems to keep getting worse. The anxiety, overwhelming sadness and loneliness are becoming more then I can bear. I keep searching for a reason to keep going and it’s getting harder and harder to ignore the silence. I feel weak and ashamed that I feel this way even though I know logically I shouldn’t. I feel so overwhelmed by the chaos in my head. Everyday is a battle. A battle to get up, a battle to do anything, and a battle against my own thoughts. I’m so tired of fighting.

[hgraham7627]

I’m kinda in a similar spot. You’re not alone!

[Dabela in reply to hgraham7627]

Thank you, it helps to know that. You too, and if you’d ever like to talk I’m here.

[Hidden]

Hello Dabela. I lost my father recently as well to cancer.....he was my best friend. (I had an absent and abusive mother and if it were not for my dad, I would probably not be here today as she beat and starved me.) He basically raised me alone even though they were married until I was 18. I am still in the shock phase of grieving, I am so very sorry for your loss. I do feel your pain! I cry all the time. I just cannot believe that he is gone. I do believe in the afterlife and so I talk to my dad and light candles around a picture of him. I am angry at him for leaving me even though I know I shouldn't be. Please do not be ashamed of your thoughts and feelings; they are perfectly normal; we all experience grief differently. I am here if you want to message me anytime. Keep your head up. Would your father want you to wallow in sadness? No! He wants you to be happy now. And you can be again. The pain DOES NOT go away, but it DOES change and it CAN get better. You CAN live and engage in life again. Be compassionate towards yourself! Practice a lot of self-care and nurturing. You deserve it! Hope this helps! ; )

[Dabela in reply to Hidden]

Thank you for sharing that with me. My mom left when I was a baby and for a long time my dad was all I had. He had a heart attack and it was so sudden I couldn’t and sometimes still feel like it can’t be real. I am so sorry you know what this pain feels like. And if you ever want to talk message me anytime too. Thank you for your kindness.

[Marshall64 in reply to Dabela]

If you don't mind me asking, what effect did not having your mom in your life affect your life? I ask because I have been raising my daughter most of her life (She is 12). I have had full custody when she was 6 and we haven't heard from the mom in two years. Any time that the mom was around was a negative because she left her with strangers and would make promises but would never come through. My daughter seems happy now but I'm hoping it doesn't come out later.

[Hidden]

I recently lost a big part of my support system, and though it was a breakup and not a death, I am also fighting myself a lot. Logic is the worst and sometimes a liar, I’m trying to not listen to it too much.

[Dabela in reply to Hidden]

I’m sorry you’re going through that. A breakup may not be a death but it is a loss and I know it hurts. I’m also going through that as well. And on top of the grief I’m already going through because of the death of my father it can just get so dark inside. I’d be happy to talk if you ever want to.

[Shewolf511]

I understand when you say you're exhausted. every day it can be a struggle for me to perform tasks, like get ready, take a shower or even just get out of bed. Depression takes control of stuff like that and I'm just here to say your not alone.

[Dabela in reply to Shewolf511]

Thank you, as you said it helps to know that. Depression definitely does that. I know for me it exhausts me which means I have to try harder and then that makes me more exhausted until I feel like I have nothing left.

[Shewolf511 in reply to Dabela]

that's how I feel as well, it's comforting to know that we are not alone.