Hi! I just joined.

[helen595]

I honestly don't know where to start. This is the first time I actually tried to do something about my "problem".

Hi, my name is Helen.

It feels like I have a lot holding inside. It feels very heavy. There's probably a lot of situations you guys had to go through.

Here it goes,

I don't remember much besides two situations:

my mom and dad yelling at me, brian, and rich while they're on the grey futon piece of shit because i jumped over them. And two, my mother leaving with like 5 pieces of grocery bags before she left us completely. She thought that giving us all this will compensate her leaving us.

She wasn't mean to us though. I know she didn't because she came almost everyday for an hour or two to see if we finish our homework and if we ate. I got a number five with sprite. My brothers got a number one with coke at mcdonalds.

Forward ahead,

my dad beat me and made me feel useless. Maybe it was a culture thing.

I got into drugs.

and alcohol.

I thought I was ready for relationships.

Now I'm not.

--

My mother didn't care for me when her "boyfriend" watched me sleep and said i was going to grow up beautiful naked.

she only left because he was jacking off to the little girl next door in front of her and the neighborhood knew.

richard (my older brother) always had other girls around. i'm sure he had his reasons. i liked his girlfriends. but i always had to protect him.

i can't go to either homes. i'm living with my boyfriend. i know it's toxic. it's really bad. really bad. to the point where if i was left on the street, he doesn't care. why am i always living with him? why can't i go to something or someone or somewhere? why??

[Marshall64]

Welcome to the forum. Sorry to hear about the negative experiences that you have had in your life. Do you have anybody in your life that is supportive and not toxic?