Can someone help? Just joined

[Jack051297]

Hey,

I just joined the site a little earlier today and was looking to see if I could talk to anyone or just have some support. I have very bad anxiety problems which seem to be treatment resistant, this includes medication and some therapy. I know this isn’t the case, but I feel like no one around me understands the way I think and how I feel the majority of the time. I have social anxiety, ocd, and most likely more than that but not officially diagnosed. I have a lot of problems forming relationships with others due to how bad my social anxiety is; obviously I would like nothing more than to have a few friends or some other types of relationships but I struggle to an almost embarrassing degree due to my anxiety problems. I don’t mean to sound like I’m complaining as I write this, but I have looked everywhere for help and nothing seems to have worked. Is really appreciate some help, and obviously I would do what I could to support you as well.

Thanks

[Hidden]

Social anxiety is normal. Are you an introvert?

[Jack051297 in reply to Hidden]

The type I have isn’t normal. I can go into more detail if you want but it isn’t just occasional social anxiety, it’s the disorder form (to a severe degree). It is debilitating. I’m not sure if I’m an introvert or not, mainly because of how my social anxiety makes me act, which isn’t how I would like to; but if I had to answer in my current state it would be introvert.

[Hidden in reply to Jack051297]

What were you like as a kid?

[Jack051297 in reply to Hidden]

I had friends and everyone liked me. I still thought the way I do now, I was still quite paranoid about their actual intentions and had the same basic mindset when it came to social situations then (meaning I was very reluctant to say anything about myself due to fear of criticism or rejection about my personality). However it progressively got worse even without any negative experiences in real life. I am almost positive I was predisposed to anxiety when I was born but no one else in my family is anywhere as bad as I am.

[Hidden]

Yeah I’m a bit awkward in social situations too. Big time. What do you do when you are alone?

[Jack051297 in reply to Hidden]

Study for classes and go online. Stuff like that. However I’ve been trying to change this for the last 11 or so years, which is when I finally realized I had an actual problem that needed to be dealt with.

[Hidden in reply to Jack051297]

Have you tried embracing it and surround yourself with others who can relate? I’m sure many of us here are the same 😋

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Also exercise and health helps me

[Jack051297 in reply to Hidden]

I’ll try to get a little more active. I haven’t really had a chance to because of how much work I typically have, but I know I need to find a way to put more exercise into my schedule.

[Agora1]

Hi Jack051297. Welcome to the Support Group. We understand, we care and

we want to be your new best friends. With it comes a safe place to talk, someone always

as close as a message away and it's FREE

I'm glad you found us. A great group of men and women who know what it's like to have Anxiety. Wishing you well. x

[Hidden]

Hi I suffer from social anxiety as well.I feel alone because I havent been able to find other people that suffer from my condition.I couldnt even find a support group.Have you discussed how you felt with your therapist?

[Jack051297 in reply to Hidden]

Actually, I currently started therapy again after basically giving up due to how my first two therapists pretty obviously didn’t care about my issues, one of them actually asked me the same questions every time while offering no help (this is still shocking to me). I started with my third therapist a little over a week ago and she is by far the best I’ve had, she actually wants to help as opposed to my first two attempts at therapy. About support groups, I haven’t found any either, the majority seem to be only in big cities, but that’s only what I’ve noticed so far. I tried group therapy once and it was led by my second therapist, so I’m sure you can guess how that went. Thanks for responding by the way.

[Hidden in reply to Jack051297]

thats good you started therapy again.I hope this therapist really helps you.I had shitty experiences with therapists as well as good.Three months ago the therapist i was seeing left the company she was working for.I had a good rapport with her.The therapist that I have be seeing since my other therapist left is nice but I havent been able to get comfortable with her.I am going to give it another month before I decide whether to move on.

[Jack051297 in reply to Hidden]

Well hopefully it ends up working for you. If not then I’m sure you’ll eventually find someone else you’ll feel comfortable with also.

[gerg]

Hi Jack,

I have experienced anxiety that is very much like you described. It worked to lower my self esteem and I hit bottom before I knew what was going on. I have worked on my anxiety disorder for over 6 years and it has been an incredible trip.

Determining the origin of anxiety is difficult, we are complex beings. I don’t think that it is important anyways. The most important thing is to learn to live only in the now. The past is just data and the future is unknown. I had to learn about rational thinking, and how it affects my mental state. I am a changed person and I now have a good life. The only person that can change you is you. The therapists are very helpful, but they cannot make you change. Perspective and perception are major issues. Learning that we choose how we view things is an important step. Acceptance is key.

Right now, everything in my world is exactly as it is meant to be.

[Jack051297 in reply to gerg]

Thanks for the response. How did you learn to think the way you do now? I know you mentioned that you had to learn about rational thinking and learn that you choose how you view things, but how did you manage to do so? Hopefully my question makes sense, but let me know if it doesn’t. But basically my question sums up to asking how you made yourself think the way you do today. I think irrationally all the time, it is automatic and out of my control even when using medication (I just began therapy for the third time so I can’t comment on how helpful it is in this regard yet). I really appreciate your response, but could you briefly describe how you were able to change your thought patterns?

Thanks

[gerg in reply to Jack051297]

I used Rational Emotive Therapy for my foundation. I did a lot of study on subjects like perception and story editing. I had to learn about my emotions and how to be honest with myself.

Rational Emotive Therapy (RET) is an early form of CBT. It was founded by Dr. Ellis about 50 years ago, look it up. It uses the concept that “things are not good or bad, it is the view that I wish to take of them that makes them so”. It points out the alarm bells of irrational thought. The “shoulds and oughts of expectation” the “always and nevers” that we are so used to telling ourselves. There is so much more.

I took my own path of education about anxiety. Many of the professionals have learned methods that left me more confused, I had to think outside of the box. I used basic troubleshooting skills to fix my mental health issues. I can fix just about anything mechanical, but I didn’t know how to fix myself.

I hope that this answered some parts of your question, I am a little scatter brained tonight. I worked pretty hard today and it was 90 some degrees with high humidity.

We’ll chat more, if you like.

[Jack051297 in reply to gerg]

I’ll definitely check that out. The therapist I started with about a week ago (my first two therapists seemed like they didn’t care about helping) seems to be my biggest chance of a non-medication route of recovery. I know medication doesn’t fix everything, but it helps sometimes. I’ve come to truly believe that therapy or some type of exposure to whatever fear you may have (on a somewhat consistent basis of exposure) is the most effective treatment, as it would throw me into situations where I’m typically always uncomfortable but would allow me to get used to the situation through repeated exposure, allowing me to learn how I should respond in those type of situations — let me know if this doesn’t make sense, I don’t think I worded it correctly. I had never heard Rational Emotive Therapy, so I will be sure to check that out sometime today. Thanks for your response, and I’d definitely like to talk more if you’re okay with it.

[gerg in reply to Jack051297]

A really good source of exposure therapy, if it actually works, would be a few year bit in prison. It doesn’t work, stick with the rational thought process.

[Jack051297 in reply to gerg]

Thanks. I try it out

[Rachel2535]

@jack051297- Thank you for your honesty and openness. I read through some of the responses and I would have to agree on some of what people mentioned. We are all so different some of us are social butterfly’s and some of us are introverts and need to limit our social interactions. This isn’t a bad thing, this is how we were made so we could do the things we were made to do. God made me to be quite social with a healthy dose of alone time needed. When we try to go out of our inborn temperament it causes a lot of anxiety. I truly hope you can find some helpful therapy...there is hope out there it might take some retraining your brain. There is hope though. -Rachel

[Jack051297 in reply to Rachel2535]

Thanks for your reply. I’m currently involved with a therapist that actually knows what she’s doing, and understands the type of treatment I need, so I really hope she is able to help me change my typical manner of thinking so that I can be myself without obsessively worrying about what others think of me. And yes, I agree it will take time to retrain my brain so I can think rationally or at least feel comfortable being myself, even if I’m still a little off (which by no means is a bad thing, I would rather be like this than a “normal”’person, but I really need to learn to be myself.) what really gets me down is seeing how almost everyone my age is currently in a relationship with someone else, some even have kids or are married (im 21 by the way)!!!! I know I have time to help myself, so that is what I will continuously work on until I find a solution.

Thanks again for your response, you and everyone else have been really helpful 😊

[Hidden]

Jack I'm here Buddy. EVERYTHING is going to be ok. I just joined n I'm answering other people. Please 🥺 I know better than you!! 37 years I been no it's been ruling my life. Just know till I know this site now!! That I'm thinking about you and I will be there for you. Stay strong. Ifff I can ride this ride for 37 years so can you. Let's see what people say to us. In the meantime I will be thinking about you.. STAY safe please for me!!!