Anxiety and Depression Support
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Never sober for long

I really need to write this.

I know my Mum is sick, I know my Mum struggles. I know my Mum has a addiction, I know she is a Alcoholic, I know she doesn't want to drink, that she wants to run. For years and years i have been doing this continuous loop of watching my Mother falling off the wagon . Being sober for months and then going on binges for weeks and weeks on end. Its a complete nightmare.

I found that i was being dragged into this circle. Can i look after my younger siblings for a few hours while she went to a "AA meeting" or "shopping" a few hours turned into a day, then two and a week. She doesn't pick up the phone and completely cuts out all communication, while she running into her own self destructive state. I always said "yes" i always took on the responsibility because she was my Mother, and my siblings are my family.

All the covering up lies and keeping secrets were a habit i had indeed learnt from my Mother. Always defending her because i couldn't see that she had problem. I had just grown used to my mother being this way, But it came at a price. I love my Mum, i always will and always have.

But when i reached to the age of 19 i had to start saying no to all the "favors" and swallow down the guilt trips and emotional stuff that was thrown my way because i wasnt enabling her to do what she wanted. she'd be sober for a few months but it would never last long. i moved out of my family home and starting getting on with my life, with all the emotional scars of the past, i had to try to get on with it. Where i was, My sister now is, and its hard to take a step back, but i dont have the strength to deal with it.

its complete madness. and for the amount of times i have gone through this, it always hits me hard when she pick up that drink. it tears me down, I love my Mother but i refused to be around her while she is drinking, it feels me with such negative emotions. its just toxic.

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It sounds awful for you and now you say your sister is going through what you have to go through. Can you be a shoulder for your sister, give her help and advice, even a place she can go to if he needs a break from it?

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Hi Shanm2, I'm so sorry you have had to cope with this. My father was an alcoholic so I know how different it is to cope with in the family. I'm sure you already know that sadly it's only your mother who can help herself. I have no doubt you love her but my personal view is that potentially more harm than good can be done when you facilitate the drinking. Like my father she is not dealing with her responsibility which not only includes looking after her children but getting help for herself. You can still love her and acknowledge her illness without giving her the ability to continue with destructive behaviour which damages everyone including herself. Take care of yourself, it takes hard work and a great deal of self compassion to recover from living with an alcoholic parent. My thoughts are with you X

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Have you ever looked into Alanon? It is a support group for people that are affected by alcoholics.

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