Addiction + Drawing ("Party Never Ends") - Anxiety and Depre...

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Addiction + Drawing ("Party Never Ends")

Tony042 profile image

I havn't been able to find any community for addiction specifically but I'm hoping someone here can help.

I've used various substances over the last few years to relieve anxiety, depression, and many other problems that can be temporarily erased. Most often I smoke weed in the form of a dab pen. Weed itself isn't supposed to be addictive, but carts are easier to keep so I use those more and I know I've used cheap stuff or laced products in the past which I think may have contributed to me getting addicted. I feel like I'm not necessarily addicted to the THC, but just the numbing feeling, temporary happiness, and relief from life.

I have this constant craving when I'm sober for something, anything to take the thoughts out of my head and let me relax. Whether it be alcohol nicotine or whatever, I just can't shake the craving.

I justify smoking because its better than many alternatives in my opinion. I stopped nicotine for a while but now I only use it if a friend has a vape or something. After stopping cold turkey I knew it was only a matter of time before the craving got the best of me. I also have family history of addiction, most of which I didn't know when I started, but I think this is why I'm more addicted than most of my friends who started around the same time.

Anyone know any ways of getting through or ignoring the constant mind tearing urge to medicate?

(I might just add a drawing so every post cause why not.)

20 Replies

My dad was alcoholic and he only recovered with the help of religious person - you could search youtube to help you just google

Tony042 profile image
Tony042 in reply to

Thanks but in my case religion isn’t going to be much help. But I’m really glad it was able to help your dad recover

Your not alone being doing the same thing. Which im not proud to say but some of the stuff i done has landed me in the hospital two times. Yeah u feel great and stuff but like they always say it always temporary ill make u feel great but you will go back to feeling depress and from what I talked to my therapist about (and recently started talking to the drug and alcohol addiction at my school) doing this only makes the process worse either your medicine wont work and you will feel more depress and anxiety gets worse too. I would say if you have a therapist to reach out to him or her . Talking to parents not the best option it just impulses you to do it more. but here to help if you need to talk definitely will love to helpxx

❤️ Joss

Tony042 profile image
Tony042 in reply to

I wish I had a therapist but unfortunately can’t for now. I agree that it only makes things worse which is why it really sucks I can’t stop. And thank you, I could use the help

At the heart of addiction or use of a coping method is the inability to interactive with our thoughts , feelings and emotions in a healthy way. Most people use some form of coping methods. Some are more socially acceptable . Some are less damaging physically or mentally . The goal to avoid difficult or unpleasant thoughts feelings and emotions are the same in all methods. Question should not be how to eliminate negative thoughts, feelings and emotions, the question is how do you interact with them in a healthy way.

A good starting point to this is to set aside time each day where you only engage in lower distraction activities. This could be a hobby, reading , writing , cleaning , exercise etc. while avoiding use of substances , technology . food or any other more simulating activities. Start with an hour and add some time each week. First thing in the morning is the best time since we are already in a fasting state. Overtime you will get more comfortable with your thinking and feelings which will result is less need for the substances you are currently using.

Tony042 profile image
Tony042 in reply to BlueSky125

With the negative thoughts, I feel like I want to forget because many are things I have no control over or stuff from the last I can’t change. For some reason my brain likes throwing these at me all the time just to make life “interesting”. And I have been trying other activities to distract myself like working out a lot, drawing, and writing but even those are better when high and no matter how much time I spend on them, as soon as it’s over the cravings come right back. You say overtime but I’ve been smoking for a few years now and as more life sh** happens I feel the need for relief more.

Some days the only reason I keep pushing and moving forward is for the promise of that relief at the end of the day.

Sooo... that’s where I’m stuck

BlueSky125 profile image
BlueSky125 in reply to Tony042

Wim Hof holds the Guinness World Record for sitting in an ice bath for one hour, 52 minutes and 42 seconds. Most people could only tolerance a few seconds. He has trained his mind and body not to overreact to cold. Its not the cold or the thoughts that are the issue , its the body/mind reaction to them. Most people avoid any negative feelings and as a result become less able to cope. To be more comfortable you have to expose yourself to your thinking slowly overtime.

Tony042 profile image
Tony042 in reply to BlueSky125

What if I feel almost too self aware. With so much time quarantined and stuck in my room over the last year It sounds dumb but I think I learned a lot about myself or at least realized stuff I hadn’t before and it hasn’t gone as well as you might think. I miss the bliss of ignorance. Plus I don’t have any other way to get rid of the anxiety (all rational thoughts and feelings aside)

Hey! Addiction is awful. When we stop one addiction, we usually pick up another. It’s about our thought process. Think about this.. we are sober when we want to use, we start to get excited as it’s in our hands,.. we didn’t even put in our mouth yet. We have to change our thought process. I’ve been in recovery for 27 yrs. drugs and alcohol are a bandaid. I was never free until worked the program. Put depression and anxiety with booze or drugs, it’s a slow suicide. I was hospitalized 2x back in the day. I’m so glad I quit. You gotta make a choice and stick with it. It’s life or death for me. Reach out if you’d like

Tony042 profile image
Tony042 in reply to Spooky99

Thank you and I couldn't agree more. I just keep justifying it to myself because weed alone is pretty harmless,only I abuse it and take any opportunity to try something stronger.

I don't have much more to say than "Me too"... I am at the beginning of the process. I am overusing a sedative prescription. Of course that means it is becoming less and less effective, and that is a road to hell. I am just beginning to use alcohol to numb the suffering.

See, I only know me, not you, but:

"For some reason my brain likes throwing these at me all the time just to make life “interesting”"

Sounds a lot like trauma flashbacks. Been there. Do that. Can't stop.

If you find ANY way off the merry-go-round from hell, please message me. Meanwhile, I want you to know your drawing has really touched me. I wish I still had my art. Hold on to it.

I'll definitely let you know if I do. And I'm so glad it did. What kind of art did you do?

Drawing. Fabric art. Various other things. Stolen by life, time, and the big D. (Depression.)

Thanks Tony. (Yikes... Wasn't "Tony" the name of Danny's special friend in The Shining? Why did that pop up? Sorry.)

Have you watched Eckhart Tolle on YouTube or read his books? I would think that NA and AA would be online now.

Tony042 profile image
Tony042 in reply to Marysblue

No I haven't but I'll have to look into them. Thanks

Hi Tony, I was addicted to Dihydracodeine for a number of years. I thought they were helping me and because I was prescribed them I thought I was ok, I had to go on to a tablet called bupronorphine (subutex) I have been drug free nearly 2 years now, my gp referred me to a clinic who helped me. For me I had to find something better and more healthier than the painkillers, I kept a diary and took up new hobbies. I know the pull is strong but I was honestly heading for disaster, I hope you can get the help and support to get through this difficult time.

Tony042 profile image
Tony042 in reply to Lizziedee

I'm really proud, 2 years is amazing. And thank you, I hope to find it too.

I'm a retired art teacher...keep drawing , there's something there...a rawness and a strength. What we are always comes through in our art. Have you had any art education ? That might be a direction for you to go in. It takes work and discipline and focus .The society we live in teaches us pain is bad, we are all in pain , we find different ways of dealing with it . food, sex , shopping , drugs etc. the list is endless . Too much of anything is bad for you . You have to learn to live with your pain/ anxiety . At the very least pick the least harmful method of masking your pain until you learn to accept that you can live with it . Pain is useful, it tells us when something is wrong ..

Random thoughts, I hope it makes some kind of sense to you.

Tony042 profile image
Tony042 in reply to sweetiepye

That means a lot coming from an art teacher. Thank you so much! No I haven't had any art education I just draw to relax but thats a nice idea. Unfortunately the more effective ways of masking pain tend to be more harmful. After enough "mental pain" it's hard to see it as useful but I'll try to accept it.

sweetiepye profile image
sweetiepye in reply to Tony042

Just some ideas for you to consider . As you're deciding what you want to be ,keep what is useful in life and reject what isn't . Make good choices / you only have to please yourself .

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