Down

[vanessi]

Hope everybody is ok.

I've been kind of "ok" trying to keep me busy so I can stop thinking of John. Unfortunately days like today and yesterday I've been pretty down.

Yesterday morning the only thing I wanted was to be in his arms. Yesterday was those days he is the only person I want to talk to and see in the mornings.

Now it's almost 5:00 am and I had a nightmare and he was on it!!! The worst thing it was that there was a woman. Anyway, I must say there is no day I don't think about him, there is no day I don't love him. My feelings and affections haven't changed.

No more to add, I've made new friends and they have helped me a lot but I feel so lonely and empty most of the time. My love belongs to someone who probably don't even remember me.

Have a good day!

[gogogirl]

You made new friends and you've got us here- even if we live in different time zones! How is your new job search going? Good to hear from you.

[vanessi in reply to gogogirl]

I actually started working more hours today. Hopefully people has seen I'm hard-working, and it seems I'll get a better schedule and have a better salary soon. 🤞🏻🤞🏻🤞🏻 Finally I think I've made a decision of what I want and what would make me feel happy in the future and in my life so I'm focusing on it at the moment. I've been trying to keep busy during the week and meeting my friends during the weekend. I'm trying to enjoy why I have now and stop blaming myself for what I don't have or for what is in the past.

I've learnt patience brings good things to those ones who wait so I'm trying not to rush really. Still don't see my life here forever but I'm making new plans and I'm ok with them.

To be honest with you I've met so many people that have made me see life from different point of view and I accept all opinions. I think thanks to that people and you guys I feel a little bit better.

Still feel sad and down at times and still there is no day i don't think of my ex and I haven't stopped loving him not even a little. I'll always love him and he'll be the love of my life but sometimes the stories don't have happy endings and this is one of them. Anyway I don't want any man and I'm not looking for one either. Finally I'm just focusing on what I want and no what others want.

How are you btw?

[gogogirl in reply to vanessi]

Wow! Sounds like you're doing well- getting more work- which I presume is in ed? Plus having a whole new attitude and meeting new people. You sound like a different person so that is great! As for myself- well this old shoe is bumping along but finding some sparks of light. The weather has finally changed so that helps with getting outdoors more. Great to hear from you.

[vanessi in reply to gogogirl]

I'm the same girl, the only reason is I have no other option. Literally I'm by my own now.

Still get depressed, still cry, still feel bad. I'm only forcing myself to cos I have no option and I can't keep wasting my time or I will regret

[gogogirl]

That is a real sign of strength Vanessi. Glad you're back here.

[Lostandbroken]

I wish I had your strength and determination. You go girl!