New and not sure where to start

[BrittanyH]

I have been having worse days recently and felt like trying an online support group setting may be worthwhile. My depression and anxiety-like to take turns throughout the month and right now I feel extremely isolated, insecure and unloved. I have been married for 5 years and in a relationship with my husband for 8 years. These past two years have been very difficult for us. Every time I bring up strengthening our relationship and working on physical intimacy issues he always says I need to get better (which he describes as having fewer arguments and being able to be more social and present) and then things will change. This makes me very angry as I feel like no matter how many good days I have nothing changes between us and then I start the cycle of being critical of myself because I did technically get us in the position in the first place. I know things will not change overnight but with all the guilt it is hard to stay motivated at times. Does anyone have any advice or examples from your relationship that has helped you feel better? Also, any advice on how spouses can help support one another through depression would be helpful! I look forward to getting to know everyone and helping one another out through our difficult and (also delightful) days!

[mhunnell19]

I’m glad that you decided to share your story. I’ve never been married, but I have been in relationships were my significant other has had to help me with my Generalized Anxiety.

It’s really important that he understands what it is and why (if he can). Sometimes it can get frustrating, and that can be okay, but if he tries to make you feel guilty then speak to him. Also (and I’ve been guilty of this in the past) don’t use your depression and anxiety as an excuse. That can make any type of relationship with someone very difficult.

Anyway, I hope that helps! Feel free to PM me if you want to talk more, and hang in there!

[Strongheartforever]

Hey Britt, just thought I’d throw in my 2 cents and hope it helps. What you described sounds familiar, how he sloughs you off and says “you fix you”. Not cool. He may be disengaging and backing away and telling himself that’s ok and it’s not ok. It’s not what a supportive husband should do. On the other hand, people kinda shun and avoid what they’re not good at, what they don’t understand, and us ladies are complex and complicated and men are not. I get it why he’s intimidated by your understandable, normal, human, woman grapplings with your mind and this life we have to face. I’m torn between being disappointed in him and yet having empathy for him wanting to “fix” you or get you to “fix” you. What would help your marriage would be for you to help him understand in very simple terms what your problem is and he will respect you more if you do take concrete action to find a solution. Here comes my BHRT speech. Hormones go nuts starting in your 30’s. Find a compounding pharmacy in your area and get yourself an appointment with a doc they recommend to have your hormones tested. Research BHRT. ForeverHealth.com. Functional medicine. This is the answer to hormonal depression for us ladies. BHRT has saved my life. It’s the “fix” your husband is looking for. Best of luck!!!

[jeaster]

What does your gut tell you. Sometimes the answers we allready know.