I wish I were okay

[magnoliaLA]

It’s Friday and I’m home alone getting drunk because this is what I do. I want to feel alive, the blood rushing optimistic happiness that I can never seem to hold onto. I guess I just want to feel connected, less alone. Because i feel alone, even though I know I’m not. I just want things to feel okay. I want to feel okay. I guess that’s what I’m here for. A little hope and maybe a little love. I want to give everyone a hug, so you can feel the love I desperately want you to feel, and the love that I wish I could feel.

[cassiedenise]

You’re not alone ❤️

[Hidden]

Exactly how I feel. But we’re not alone. Sometimes you gotta get that shit out so you can bounce back. Things will get better. Keep working hard for YOU. YOU MATTER❤️

[RcKitty]

I know how you feel, I feel alone all the time I just want to feel ok...normal...loved I just want to feel that so bad it hurts

[fauxartist]

I remember being alone and getting fu*ked up....just like it was yesterday....bottle of cognac and gram of coke, a few buds of some primo sh*t....and all to myself....me....alone...

......all alone....

Yeah my friend....I've been right where you are, trying to completely obliterate every thought, every pain, every hand that touched me, every screaming face of my mothers, every as*hole that ever slighted me, fired me, or fu*ked me over....but you know what?.....if you paint a target on your as* ....somebody is going to take a shot...my attitude sucked big time....

I got tired of the feeling like i drank a toilet bowl and licked the carpet, then the headaches of not only coming down from being drunk and high, but all the money I just spent instead of paying bills. I am an old hippie....and getting high was a way of life for everyone back in my day.....until the years kept going by, then decades...and I looked around me and saw my friends were all gone .....

some are names on gravestones.....some still using, some homeless and on the streets,...or the lucky one are in recovery

So....I decided to live.....and that meant getting clean and sober. then dealing with all the ghost's and demons that haunted me when I was sober....thats when I went into recovery for addiction and therapy. We have a choice....Live....or die, and I don't think the second was an option or should be for anyone. Even in recovery I have been near that abyss a few times looking into that bottomless pit of blackness too, but was at least sober and clean enough to not jump down the rabbit hole.

It's no easy to ask for help...I'm glad your here, and there are many people here who can relate to your pain and suffering....baby steps...grab you ass with both hands and just do it. It's going to take work, it won't be easy...it is a bumpy ride...but better than the alternative.

[hypercat54]

Folks please! You know foul language isn't allowed on here. I hate it and it puts me (and others) right off using this site. Please amend it! x

[fauxartist]

I do apologize magnoliaLA...you should be able to express yourself how you wanted to, Correcting your grammear should not be the main concern here, it should be about giving you the support and help you need. Please don't be put off the site by this, I too was chastised for my cursing....we are adults, ...but it is what it is....so be it, rules are rules...whats more important to me is moving on to what this place should be about for you, nothing else but support. We are good people here, they are kind and caring...