Just a question..

[MissingSoul]

So I have been here for a couple of days reading and trying to give my best advice but I have realised most people who suffer from depression had some type of trigger that made it all worse and unbearable. I am not that case. Nothing happened in my life for me to feel this way....My psychologist told me that I can look at a door and that would be enough to trigger my depression... anyone out there that can relate?

[gerg]

I have been searching for 6 years to find the actual source of my depression. Genetics may contribute, but in the end the common denominator is me. I have accepted that I have a mental illness with no definable cause. My life is a stew of experiences that is mine alone. Change any one thing in my past and everything changes, I don't think I would want that. My mental health issues are part of me, part of who I am. A person that has experienced these issues and has learned from them. My character and all of its parts came out of a struggle and I like who I am.

[MissingSoul in reply to gerg]

Thank you for replying. I empathize with everything you said and I do think my biggest struggle is not being able to find a cause. I have a good self esteem, I don't have health problems, my family is always here (even though they will never understand me), no one died. I did this to myself little by little and I am aware of it. I pushed away everyone around me and I know it's going to sound harsh but I did what I had to do to feel minimally ok at the time. But I have this constant need to know why. Why am I here. Why do I feel this way. How did I become this person? And I try to ignore it and not think about it but I feel like I'm never going to be able to overcome this or learn how to live with it until I can understand where it came from... but I do thank you for your words. Knowing I have some support and that I am not alone is very comforting. 😀

[gerg in reply to MissingSoul]

Acceptance has been my key, and communication has been my opened door. This is all backed up by education and effort. I still suffer everyday, but I accept my suffering as part of my path. I had to hit bottom hard to let myself know that I wanted change, but my damnation became my salvation and I see my entire world in a new light.

[fauxartist]

triggers are often associated for me anyways with my childhood abuse issues, and my abandonment issues...CPTSD....and others with PTSD....anxiety....etc. So some may just simply not have them.

[Hidden]

ya its the same with me dear.

[Chav_a143]

Im not really sure what triggered my depression. I just know it started when I was very young, like maybe in 5th grade at the latest. I search back to see what caused it but it could have been a number of things I guess like friends, insecurities, angry mom yelling at me (which seems dumb but I was a very sensitive child lol)

[MissingSoul]

I guess I just have to stop trying to find a cause and accept it. Thank you all of the feedback

[MissingSoul]

Well she said that some people don't have an event in their life that triggers their depression. Nothing in my life changed, I didn't have any type of loss, I never had low self esteem, I always had the support of my family. And then just one day to another I started feeling irritated with everything and everyone. And that lasted months, and increased over time. Until i couldn't get up from bed and i wouldn't stop crying. So after a lot of visits she said that to me. She gave me the door as an example, to explain that anything can bring me back down.

[Chav_a143 in reply to MissingSoul]

I could be completely wrong but maybe since nothing 'triggered' per say maybe its more of a genetic thing or hormonal imbalance? Maybe she was referring to that something on the inside triggered it rather on the outside (if that makes sense, I could be wording this terribly wrong)? I know depression in general is a chemical imbalance in the brain but other hormonal imbalances can start it/make it worse. I had hormonal imbalances that I went to see a naturopath for and so I got dietary supplements from my naturopath to take which did help with my depression somewhat.

[MissingSoul in reply to Chav_a143]

Thank you so much. I will try to see a naturopath yo see if it makes a difference 😁 doesn't hurt to try...

[gerg]

It really comes down to the idea that depression is depressing. If I would sit down and think about it, there are a lot of things I don't understand in my world. Hey, maybe that's why I'm depressed....The circle comes right back to acceptance.

[MissingSoul in reply to gerg]

Thank you gerg, I do accept my depression.. I guess it's just my personality and the need to always know the why to everything that made me ask. But I do thank you for your kind words.

[gerg in reply to MissingSoul]

This post was only half serious, but I think it holds some wisdom in the end. The truth is that one event probably is never the sole cause of anxiety or depression. It takes reinforcement to create a core belief, and therefore it will probably need reinforcement to change it. There is nothing simple in life and emotion, or mood, seem to be more complex than most.

I think that acceptance has to apply to much more than accepting depression. It is a skill we need that we can find perspectives, on anything that causes negative emotions, that will serve us better.

A good example is your response above. While you handled it very well, your perspective of what I said was just one view. I am quite sure that you don't need to know "why to everything", that is just a view that serves you in some way. Do you know why your flat screen TV works, or your computer? I don't, but I accept that I don't care.

Thank you for your post, it helped me so much too...

[MissingSoul in reply to gerg]

I understand better your point of view now. 😉

[dillydally1]

hi, it must feel very strange not having a cause, people with a cause can blame their depression on what ever it was that triggered it. it could be genetic. if you can, stop looking for the cause and concentrate on moving forward. depression is depression no matter what caused it. hope you find some peace, take care x

[MissingSoul in reply to dillydally1]

Thank you dillydally1. That's what I am trying to do, not dread about it and just move on, learn how to deal with my "new self" let's say.

Acceptance is the key 😉

I appreciate the encouragement thought.