I don't know what to do anymore

If I try some new coping mechanism and it doesn't work almost immediately I just lose all motivation for it and never try it again.

I'm trying the rubber band thing to try and stop picking at my skin, but I have to make it hurt more than the act and aftermath of my picking, so I have to snap it hard enough to leave light welt lines. it leaves a mark for atleast a few hours sometimes longer. Honestly, they look like cutting scars. I have never cut before.

After a heavy depressive episode lasting 2 or more days I just feel empty and extra tired. I haven't been sleeping well.

If I think back to maybe try and figure out why I was depressed, I just get depressed again.

sometimes I think my mind is purposely trying to be/stay depressed. I don't know, but it makes me angry and more sad.