I thought I would write somethings in my head into a verse, it isn't perfect but it it goes.
Why I am I doing this to myself, why Am I my worste enemy, why do I hate myself, why am I afraid of what is not real.
Why do I believe the lies my brain is feeding me, why can't I be normal, why has this happened to me, why is god so cruel, why do I sleep all day, why do I have no energy or motivation to help my self.
Why am I letting this beat me, why do I feel I need to say sorry for things that aren't my fault, why am I scared of being alone, why am I afraid to eat.
Why was I put on this earth to suffer this everyday, why do I wake in the morning feeling the exact same way, why do inprision myself in my own head.
Why can't I control the way I feel, why do I feel not worthy of being loved, why am I destroying the people's lives around me who love me.
Why can I not enjoy the simple things in life, why do I cry for no reason, why do I feel sympathy is wrong, why do I feel so pathetic and weak, why do I make a big deal out of nothing.
Why do I feel I am so incapable, why do I think this will be the like this the rest of my life, why do I feel like I am going to lose my job, my girlfriend, my family and my friends.
Why am I scared of my son, why can't be a better father, why can't I help more, why can't I be the best I can be, why do I feel life is not worth living....
These are just some of the questions I ask my self everyday, Depression & anxiety is a liar so why can't I change.
Written by
Jason28
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Don't take this in a wrong way, but you have articulated it nicely.
That was an outpour of a lot of emotions. Now let's break down your points into simpler ones.
Please note the following points:
"Why was I put on this earth to suffer this everyday
why do I feel not worthy of being loved
why am I destroying the people's lives around me who love me."
Personally, I don't want you to ever think this way.
I agree that suffering is impossible to evade.
You have family and friends, right? What makes you think that they don't love you. Physically or verbally expressing love is not love. They are your well-wishers, aren't they? They love you more than you think.
You are not destroying anyone's lives. Have you made anyone incapable of something? Certainly not. They have their own issues, why would they allow you to destroy them.
I don't blame you man, but when people are sad they do feel the same way as you are. They ask the same questions to themselves as you do.
It all boils down to anxiety and depression, even you know it very well. You said that both of these are liars. Well, even I feel the same way. Yes, there are areas where anxiety has crumbled me a bit too much. You need to pull yourself together. If you are weak, accept it but work towards being strong. If you are strong, work towards building your strengths.
From your words, I could sense that you are a good man, and you would never wish anything wrong for anyone. However, apply it to yourself too. Don't wish anything wrong for yourself.
Every breath that you take is a gift from Nature. It's not a suffering. Meditation can work wonders for you. Try it and do let me know.
Hi there, Thanks very much for taking the time to read my post, I really appreciate what you have said to me, I am just trying to understand myself so that is why I put into words.
The fact that you are asking yourself these questions is amazing. It means that you care and you are trying to figure a way out. I probably ask myself 90% of the questions you have on here every night before I go to bed. But I am trying this thing... where instead of asking myself “why,” but telling myself “I am” and try to love myself in the process.
Hi there, thanks for reading my post, am glad you can relate, I am trying to figure myself out so I can help myself. I understand that loving yourself is hard to do but it's a process which takes time just like recovery.
I like your perspective. I think part of the struggle for all of us is that we don't want to accept that we feel the way we feel. That, like it or not, it's part of who we are, even if it hurts so deeply sometimes. Something that sometimes helps me is to think, "I am not perfect." I think we want to be perfect, some type of ideal human being, which really doesn't exist. And we have difficulty accepting that we are imperfect.
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