What anxiety is like for me

[efulk12345]

I'm 14, and it's hard to be going through anxiety with classmates watching my every move. But they have no idea of my anxiety.

Anxiety feels like when you accidently skip a step while walking down the stairs. The rush, the heart stopping moment trying not to fall. But it last longer. It feels like you are about to take a test that will determine if you will thrive or fail but nothing is causing it. It feels like you don't want to even try anymore because you are too scared that when you do try, you fail. People you care feel like you are being to clingy, but it is really because you feel like you are going to loose them. Anxiety is a constant battle that you seem to be one step behind it. You feel like you are about to collapse in tears for no reason. As a girl people will blame it on "you ladies days" and you are the only person who knows it's not that. I pull out my hair and dig my finger nails into my hands just so that awful feeling will go away of stress and agony. I search for a cause of my anxiety and find nothing. I have the perfect life. And to many people I may seem happy and perfect but I'm the opposite. I cry when I get home from school because I have to hold my emotions together for seven hours, sometimes more. I had to quit track, something that I loved to do, because I couldn't handle it. I am building a barrier around myself from my friends because I can't handle the constant questions they throw at me. My life is like I'm in a dark dark room and there is a door that is open ever so slightly with light beaming out of it. But, I can't reach that light. I am trapped on the other side no way out. The only thing that holds me together is my family, and my best friend/ crush that I hardly talk to in person(We text) because i don't have the nerves to do that. But, I get up every day and try to make my day as good as possible. Because I must be perfect.

I have reached out to my parents and I’m going to get help starting Monday. Hopefully it goes well🤞

[Agora1]

efulk12345, you seem beyond your years in your writing skills. Explaining anxiety to a "T". Using Analogies that would make others believe what it is like, a hard thing to do.

Why do you think you have to be "perfect" at 14 years old. You haven't even started to experience life yet. You sound like you are able to hold it together for 7 hours of the day in school but lose it all when you get back home. (to your perfect life) The reason for anxiety always stems from something that has gone on or is going in your life causing you worry and stress.

Building a wall around yourself may keep your friends out but not the issues causing your anxiety. I feel there is something more to this. What are your friends questioning you about that you need to hide? Is it your mind keeping you in a dark, dark room unable to escape? The fact that your family holds you together, why is it you don't go to your parents and get the therapy you need?

Your mind seems troubled and a professional therapist would be able to help guide you in the right direction at such a young age. A school counselor, nurse or trusted adult you know could advise you. We are always here to listen and support you but I want to keep you safe. Tell us more about your life at home so we can better understand what you are going through. xx

[claire0410]

Oh my girl, you don't ever have to be perfect. You just need to be you and do the best you can. You are wise beyond your years. I don't know if you can reach out to your mom or dad or even a teacher/counselor at school, but it may help. Dealing with this on your own is so hard. Reach out and I guarantee you will find your way. It was hard for me to do it, but the difference it has made in my life is amazing. It can be for you too. All my best wishes and good thoughts to you. Always know that you are not alone. Everyone who reads your words feels your pain and sends you love.

[efulk12345 in reply to claire0410]

Thank you. Yes I have reached out to my parents. And I have an appointment Monday for a counselor.