Today has been a tough day since morning, I am having a breakdown right now and I'm writing with tears. Why I need to stand such a pain, I feel so alone, I wish someone could help me.
Sometimes I think I would like to die, every day I feel worse. What did I do wrong to get to this point! My soul has no peace, my head is killing me, I'm crying uncontrollably because my body is filled of depression
Why if I was so happy, February is gone and my dreams too. Everything i wanted is gone, everything I had is gone and everything I loved is gone.
I only have sorrow in my heart
Written by
vanessi
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I wish i could help you too.because you look around my Daughters age and i am sorry that your so Sad. Do you take any meds? Sometimes they help. Just to get you through the worst. Don't feel alone. Lots of people are thinking of you and sending you good wishes.
I’m sorry you are still struggling Vanessa. Relationship breakups are one of the hardest things to endure in this lifetime next to loved ones passing. But it can get better, it takes time. I know it’s easier said than done though.
Are you getting out at all? If you have friends who live close maybe you can try and get together with them to help get your mind in a different place for awhile.
It’s good that you are coming here and talking about your situation.
I have no many friends, and it takes me time to trust people. This week has been very tough. February is gone. I remember I was gonna be in Cork with my man but now makes me sadder to know that will never happen again. I just can't with this. I'm out of control
I don't know if this will help or not, but here goes:
I have read many of your posts, and it is clear how deeply in love you are with this man. Humans are emotional creatures, and our feelings can be very, very strong, but the truth is that we still live in the real world, in reality. From what you have written, it seems obvious to me that this relationship has ended. If it wasn't over, he would still be contacting you much more than he is currently doing.
From where I sit, you seem like a beautiful young woman with your entire life ahead of you. I am sure there are plenty of young men who would love to meet you. I know it's easy for me to say, but the logical thing to do now is to start a new chapter in your life with someone else, preferably someone closer in age to you.
You have a long life ahead of you. Please try to let this emotional scar heal, and start looking forward again instead of backward.
I can't have something with someone else because I love him, because not even how much I try I can't stop thinking of him, I have no eyes for anyone. I'm so affected.
Who is gonna want someone like me? Nobody never wanted me. My heart is destroyed. I just can't
All I can add to my earlier post is that I hope you are seeing a therapist to get help in processing all this pain. I'm not saying that you can just forget a love affair in 5 or 10 minutes, and move on with your life. It's going to take time, and a therapist can help you work through all this, and get past it. You have everything to live for, and you have a lot going for you. It hurts to read how you're going around in circles with the same sad thoughts, so I can imagine how much worse it is for you to actually live them. Please get some help in working through this. It must be a terrible burden to carry by yourself. You deserve much a much better life than this. Please get the help you need.
You need to regain your strength, if this is about a man, you need to love yourself, as much or more than you loved him, you should never give away the power that life gave you. It’s tough, I choose to be single now, after so many bad things happened to me, and if Simone comes along, then all well and good, but I am not searching for it, I am loving myself, and enjoying what I can. Just read the other bit, long distant relationships are hard work, and culturally quite different too. You sound young, you need to see someone and talk this through . You sound like a lovely girl who has a lot to give, some people don’t deserve that love, take care xxx
Hi Vanessa, I'm so sorry your feeling like this, if u can talk about what's happened it may help,as people on hear will give you their opinion. In the meantime try to stay strong xx
Hello everyone, i'd like to start with an introduction. I met the love of my life more than a year ago. We met on an online dating site, I'm Mexican and he is Irish, we started talking on October 10th, 2016 and we had an online relationship for the following 5 months. He came to Mexico on March 5th, 2017 and we got so in love with each other that we made plans together. Then, i flew to Ireland five months after. On August 5th, 2017 and we decided i was gonna stay there, but for some immigration reasons i had to come back to my country but we planned i was gonna apply for a 8 months student visa in February 2018. We lived together for 3 months in Ireland and we had so many plans and dreams. He said to all his family we were gonna get married next year and everything was going so well. When i left Ireland he said he loved me, even we both cried so much for being apart. Novermber passed and everything was ok, i was feeling so lonely and depressed and started demanding so much attention from him and we started having some problems cos he was working so much to save money and take me there. I was so ungrateful, and after a huge fight he decided to break up (through skype), but i was the first one who suggested it! Then i regreted and i begged him to still have our relationship but he didnt want. I apologised and i have changed my way of thinking and the only thing i want is us back. So we have barely talked for the last 2 weeks and a half, he says he loves me but he can't be with me cos he feels so negative about us, that we are on different pages in our life and he would be stopping me to do stuff and have a good future cos i deserve better. He didn't tell me this before and he said everything is cos the age difference. i'm 23 and he is 36. There is a 13 years' gap. So even if he says we had an amazing time and we had plans and misses me so much, he keeps saying the same. I'm really heartbroken and i feel really depressed, i barely sleep and eat, i don't want to do anything and still have no job cos i left everything in my country for him. i sometimes text him cos i wanna know about him, but if i don't do it he doesn't do it either, even if he is online using whatsapp and facebook, he ignores me completly. I can't live like this i feel hopeless and without a future, i don't know where is my life going, i don't know what to think. All the memories are brought back and makes me feel worse thinking of what we had, even using facebook and see posts of his friends that are my friends too affect me. i cry everyday and i'm having lots of anxiety. I don't wanna give up on him and move on cos i really, really love him and want to have a family with him and he still says he loves me so much and misses me but i don't know.
p.s. I have asked him if there is another girl and he says no, i have asked him if it is cos there is a huge responsability for him for me to be there, he says no, it is not about money or other stuff, it is cos the AGE!!! but i really feel that he doesn't love me anymore. At the moment i'm in Mexico and he is in Ireland, really hard to fix things when we are so far away.
I would like to get an advice or something. i really need it, i feel miserable
t's been a long process and I finally talked to my ex. He sent me a song through instagram and I asked him about my stuff that are still at his place. How everything changed so quickly well now I know he thinks i cheated on him with my best friend.
Which I didn't because he saw a pic of me with him(just a pic) and he remembers, (he never remembers anything) but almost a year ago when he was in Ireland and me in Mexico i was acting weird.
He told me once if I cheated on him I would never see him again. THE WORST IS I DID NOT DO IT. Now I know why he changed so much from one day to another. I know how is he when he gets jealous, it is very bad thing cos he doesn't talk to me. It is the first time he brought this out, he maybe thought he was doing everything to take me there and we were gonna married and then he found out the pic from my cellphone how he found it?, well before I came back from Ireland he downloaded all my pictures from my iPhone cos he didn't want to selected one by one. I remember having pics there with this friend but I didn't think was gonna be a such a big deal. He doesn't believe a lot and he is not very confident cos he is thinking I did it. I talked to him and I explained, obvs he wanted an explanation as he has pictures with his friends, Which i don't like, but they are his friends.
So I guess then he thought about me being so young and being a cheater, about the negativity he felt about our future. Now i understand other things
I don't wanna rush if he wants to come back again one day.
I feel sad he has thought that.
Ps. He didn't say exactly I cheated on him but I can read between lines, he said all this was after the breakup but I truly believe that might be the reason why he broke up with me and how he was being so cruel.
Please don't give up! I'm so sorry you're stuck in this loop and that this new detail from your ex has destroyed the stability you'd built up.
Please recall how you felt a few weeks ago -- judging from your posts, I guessed that you were certainly not fully healed, but working towards it, distancing yourself a little from the trauma. This might not be an accurate assessment, but if indeed you were able to pick yourself up once, you can do it again, I promise.
If I am wrong and the past several months have been pretty evenly awful, please remember that things will change -- whatever it feels like now, however hopeless and unfixable you feel right now, things will eventually change for the better. Please don't deny yourself that chance!
jkl5500 is right, I think; if therapy is an option for you (and it's okay if it isn't), please do consider trying it! It doesn't help everyone or every problem, but it is a great refuge for many people facing a range of challenges, including ones like your own. It might be able to help you work through the feelings you're struggling with right now and develop an image of the future that you can work toward. Again, if it isn't an option or not the best choice for you, that's okay! Just do please give it some thought.
Stay strong and remember that people do love you, here and in your life and through the effects you've had on the world!
I didn't have a stability weeks ago. I simply can't get over this. As I said I miss him so much and I can't stop thinking.
I also mentioned my body is taking all this pain, last night I had many cramps in my tummy, they were very painful and strong. I was talking on the phone with my friend Brenda about him.
Every day I wake up I realise the bad life I had and I would like to get up from bed
I'm really sorry! Sometimes mental and emotional tangles can have physical effects, too, like stomach aches -- not necessarily saying that's what plagued you, but just to offer some possible insight. It's good that you can talk to your friend! Please continue to find refuge in others where you can!
Dear Vanessi you have a lot to look for spring is coming are you taking any medication? I just started with a new medication and everyday I have anxiety and it not easy I start my morning being very nervous and my mind won't calm down but we can't give up go outside and start walking even if its just around the block to start with remember we are here for you I just go day by day I know the feeling but it will get better will pray for you, remember GOD LOVES YOU 💜
I'm not taking medication but I should really, I feel my life has turn into smth I can't control, every day I feel hopeless and useless. Spring makes me feel even worse. It's march and my dreams are gone
I already did it! But I haven't stop crying all day, I'm so destroyed, I ask God why, why did I do to deserve this? Why he stopped loving me? Why I can't find peace. I'm very very bad today. This the worst
Sometimes we just have to accept what we cannot change, and as tough as it is it can lead to growth and other changes in life. Sorry you are still going through this. I hope you can talk to your doctor and see what he/she recommends/
Question to ask yourself: Why would you want to be with someone who is disparaging of your age, and who has implied that he does not trust you? Relationships are great, but also take work, and I imagine that a long distance one is even harder. Perhaps this contact with him brings you backwards? Please stop blaming yourself for this. You thought and did what was right at the time. Peace.
Vanessi, having gone thru the worst few months of my life, I can tell you that it gets better, in a nutshell, I became homeless, broke, and my boyfriend of 3 yrs whom I was financially dependent, left me to "better himself" at the same time. I got robbed, I got sick, I was sleeping on a mat in a family friends home. My father is unable to help. My mother abandoned me before I could talk. My job paid me just enough to get back to work, and nothing else. No lunch, no extra. Just bus fare. Everything in my life fell apart at the same time. I was left with nothing and no one. And you know what? It sucked. And it still does. So here's my advice to you having been thru this. Feel it. Let yourself mourn the loss of your relationship. And anything else that might be upsetting you. Be honest with yourself and let your emotions flow. While doing this, make sure you busy yourself. Set one goal, and do it. My goal was going to work everyday. I moved on auto pilot and went to work feeling like a hollow shell. Fake it till you make it.Trust me. It'll help. Eventually, you'll begin to feel better. I promise. And when you do, make yourself some more goals, and stick to it with single minded vigour. I'm by no means in a good place. But by accepting what i cant change and focusing on a single goal with all my might I feel as though I'm worth more than my failures. Hold strong, you can come back here for friends like I do. I've never been good with people. Finally, here are words I live by. "Expect very little of others, and a lot of yourself." Hugs.
Your post speaks to me as I feel some of the same right now. I’m so sorry you are in so much pain. When I get into depression I feel like no one cares and I hate myself and my existence as if I did something to deserve it and guilt comes because I have people to live for... but I always come out of it as something or someone lifts in me, lifts me up and out like a miracle. I wish that for you and me. Stay strong.
Hi, Sweetheart! I'm not surprised you are still in excruciating pain.
What you are going through is called loss, depression, co-dependency, abandonment issues, fear of being alone, insecurity, self-deprecation, anxiety and, most importantly...G*R*I*E*F. Unfortunately, there's nothing you can do but take the bull by the horns and honestly, I know you are more than capable of working through this.
So, now we can talk about your awesomeness, Vanessa! If you haven't noticed, you have a Huge heart. Please start using it to love yourself. This man was right when he said he'd be holding you back. I think he's doing you a favor by keeping his distance. I'm not going to bring him up again because you have so much potential....I don't believe that your life is over. You are 23 & I promise you that when you have learned how to love yourself & have started in a healthy way on your life journey, you will be forever grateful that you moved on.
This same thing has happened to me. I was so co-dependent & obsessed with men that I was willing to throw everything away, including my life for him. I felt that I had enough love for both of us in order to hold us together. All he had to do was show up. But God had other plans. I am very fortunate to have had it work out very different. I also had to watch my own daughter go through it. She was as depressed & despondent as you are, V. Again, somebody up there had different plans for her. It took a long time, but it was right. She worked on how to be single first, eventually learned to love herself & build confidence. Guess what? Mr. Right magically appeared!
Take this as a sign that you're not ready.....which is the perfect thing for you right now¡ that he's not the one because you're being driven by obsession & co-dependency. But it's not you; This is the same with many women. I just hope you can see through the veil of insecurity to be able to reach out when you're having trouble. Please, please, please pamper yourself and if you are having too hard of a time, reach out to us and/or a psychiatrist. You're not alone!!!
Thank you so much for letting us know you're not doing well.
It's not co-depency, not afraid of being alone, it's love.
I just can't give up on someone I love, even if he doesn't love me, I know I can't force him to be with me, but I can't force myself to pretend I'm someone happy and keep faking. I'm not like that. I prefer to keep my love just for me.
You can't change it. No one who has supported you all this time can change it. He's not going to change it. Nothing is going to change it.
You need to face reality. IT'S OVER.
Have read all your posts and all the replies of support to you, including mine, and your replies back No matter how hard everyone has tried, you just won't let go. It's over, whether it's age, suspicion of your relationship with your friend, immigration issues, the shortness of you actually being together in Mexico, or the cow jumping over the moon, IT's OVER.
Sweetheart, you are "singing the blues." Am certain many on this forum had broken hearts, It hurts to the very soul. We all cry, we all sing the blues...and finally, accept it's OVER and move on. You and those of us who have had broken hearts can only sing so many notes, and we run out of notes. Certain many who had broken hearts felt the way you do. We are very human and tender-hearted too, and made plans, thought we had found the one person meant for us. But had to accept when it's OVER, so we could move on.
Everything that could be said to all your posts and your replies has been said by people supporting you. Have no idea what more can be said. Hope you saved all the posts, replies of support and your responses to those replies, print them out and tie them with a blue ribbon and put them away in a special place.
IT'S OVER.
My arms reach through this screen to hold you and comfort you.xx
Hi, Vanessi! Well, Lawdog said it like it is. I know you're hurting. Bless his heart, he ended it with a great big hug! I just wanted to look at it in another way.
This will sound like a corny Hallmark movie, but if you love him, you have no other choice but to let him go. This is what it sounds like he wants. It's not just about what you want. Consider how he feels. I'm sure it's stressful for him as well.
You don't have to pretend you are happy because, as everyone knows by now, you are not. But maybe if you try to do something every day to make yourself smile...laugh at the antics of a squirrel, open the door for a little old man & wish him a good day.
I hope you know how much we all care about you. We wouldn't just tell you like it is unless we've been there and can see the writing on the wall.
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Nervous Breakdown 
Mental breakdown in front of my classmates
I'm a beat away from a nervous breakdown.
