About last night/ derealization? Please reply

[tashalyn]

So last night I summed up the courage to go out with my girlfriends for dinner. Dressed up, looked good and all, drove myself there, no anxiety whatsoever

However there was this dull dark depressing feeling.

I felt everyone isn’t real

I don’t know how to explain it

I couldn’t enjoy it because I felt this profound sadness and this feeling of a huge distance from people, that they aren’t real, and then thoughts of where did we come from and where will we end going, even the surrounding seemed unreal, not like I couldn’t recognize it, I could, it just felt lifeless.

All I could think of is going to bed and sleeping, but I continued the night with them

I felt flat

I don’t know how else to explain it

Just flat

And for the first time - I always get this thought but this time it didn’t bother me- I got the feeling how I really want to die and see what’s on the other side.

I came home took my pills and slept, woke up with a headache and the same blunt feeling.

Please reply to me because I don’t think I have felt this emotionless ever before.

[Hidden]

I'm so sorry you are suffering like this. I know how bad it stinks, look no matter what you got through last night, so you need a pat on the back! I'm here for you if you need to talk. Sending you a great huge hug! XXX

[countryboy1]

I empathize with you, I hate that you are feeling this way. Are you seeing a therapist? I strongly encourage you to see one. I also strongly encourage you to call a suicide crisis center, your thoughts are serious and I am concerned about your safety.

[tashalyn in reply to countryboy1]

I do have a therapist we talk every week but now I feel it’s going no where, only two things stopping me from taking my own life is my faith in God, which thanks to intrusive thoughts am doubting God’s existence and the second thing is my husband..

[countryboy1 in reply to tashalyn]

I am SO glad you have a therapist, even though it may seem as though it isn't helping, I pray that you continue to see him or her. It is funny to me that you would mention God as I am a Pastor. I am curious as to what thoughts are making you doubt God's existence?

Thank God also for your husband.

I pray for your ultimate safety and mental health.

[tashalyn in reply to countryboy1]

You are a Pastor, then please tell me, if god is loving and god is love how can he let his children suffer such an intense pain? A pain that makes them want to end their life? I love god I love him so much, but I always thought of him as merciful, but this pain is far away from mercy

[countryboy1 in reply to tashalyn]

That is such a tough question to answer. First thing, I absolutely do not believe in simple typical Christian responses, you know "when life is tough and you are t the end of your rope, tie a knot and hand on." We all have struggles, you, me everyone has struggles. The bible speaks of this. The lady with the issue of blood. Please go back and reread that text. She spent ALL her money trying to get well. Ultimately it was her faith that healed her. But she struggled and suffered a LONG time before she got her healing. Or the man at the sheep gate, he suffered for 38 years. We all struggle. God never said that we won't. The key though is to maintain our faith and the hope of our ultimate victory. It may take a long time.

[tashalyn in reply to countryboy1]

Thank you so much your word re-energized me even for a little bit. I don’t know how I would survive this if I didn’t have faith. God fills my heart, I dream of the day of being one with him, I will restore my patience to push through more days

[Hidden in reply to tashalyn]

He is love! I believe the devil runs this earth, hence the suffering. Hang in there, hope will grow if you believe! XXX

[tashalyn in reply to countryboy1]

I pray every second of every day that I don’t end up taking up my own life, as I know that’s the ultimate sin

[Hidden in reply to tashalyn]

You are worth more than taking your own life. Once again I'm here for you! Big hugs and peace for you! XXX

[Anxiousjy in reply to tashalyn]

Don’t let this illness take away you’re right to live. It will get better!

[Anxiousjy]

Sorry to hear that you went through this again. 😞

[deborah27]

hi, you spoke of courage to go out and that you felt no anxiety at all just flat and had feeling of things not being real. it is all part of anxiety, all of those feelings are fear based. you stayed in the situation and that is exactly the best thing to do... face the fear and do it anyway. the thing to remember is that nothing bad happened to you, you survived, no actual harm came to you and you live to tell the tale. how amazing it is that our minds can distort an otherwise harmless activity into a frightening experience and we are more inclined to believe the negative! good for you, you did it and you will do it again. as for having a peek at what is on the other side, give that a miss. you can't come back. stay and live a life that for all it's bumps and dips is something that we can have and share. scroll through some other posts and replies and share your experience and offer support, tips and strategies to help us all. we need you too you know.

[tashalyn]

Thank you all for your supportive words I managed to pull myself together and decided to go for another girls night out, the thoughts are there telling me everything isn’t real but am ignoring that voice love you all

[Susan512]

GOD IS IN CONTROL AND KEEP ON PRAYING.....IM CONSTANTLY PRAYING MYSELF TRY NOT TO LET NEGATIVE THOUGHTS CONTROL YOUR MIND IT'S EASY SAID THAN DONE BUT BE STRONG AND REMEMBER GOD LOVES ALL OF US NO MATTER WHAT, WE WILL GET THROUGH THIS 💜🙏

[tashalyn in reply to Susan512]

Thank you am keeping the faith and pushing through

[Hopeful-Tinkerbell]

I don’t think God gives us suffering. I think God gives us free will. Actions have reactions. I can think of many things that I have made the wrong choice on intentionally or not and those actions have reactions. I had free will. However God always pulls me out. Along with changed actions. He can’t do it for us but with us. In His time and His will if you surrender to Him. I too try to get through the good, the bad and the ugly as God would want so I can be with Him in the end. Just keep asking Him to show you the way to happiness. Don’t give up! Read the Bible. Get a good daily devotional. I have a book that takes me through the whole bible in 365 days. I of course read the real Bible with it. I like that because I can do short passages. My attention span is not that long at times. I always pray for wisdom and understand before reading or going to church. I don’t go as often as I should but that’s a very long story. Just keep the faith strong. Never question your creator. He is strong.

[newhope]

I am glad you decided to write about this because I feel like this every day - at least once a day. It is usually when I am alone with my thoughts. Sometimes I feel like my family are strangers living with me. I recognize them, I see our memories but sometimes they look like strangers - like I am living someone else's life. It's crazy - that feeling. I've been trying to figure out what it is but I can't seem to figure it out, even being a psychology major. I cannot figure myself out. I don't even know how to have a genuinely good time anymore. I forgot how to make friends and whenever I do make the effort to try - I go out, have "fun" and the people I'm with feel like complete strangers to me. I felt like I was in a body that wasn't my own. I sympathize with you - if you ever need to message me and talk it through, I will gladly listen and bounce ideas with you. Stay strong.