Thoughts of an 18 year old

[lifesmisfits]

I'm 19 next month and I'm a high school and college dropout. I still live at home and have a part time job. In everything I do my mind is full of negative thoughts. I've been suffering from depression and anxiety since I was 14. 2017 was a hard year for me. Last year was the first year I experienced psychosis and it was really rough. Now I'm really suicidal and cutting again. I try to find happiness in anything . I used to find happiness in drugs but not anymore. I can't even escape this when I sleep. I don't know what to do because I've tried medication in the past but it just made me feel numb. Now I'm just contemplating life. 🌻

[phoebe_madissen]

Are you seeing a therapist about this? Do you have friends or family that you can talk to? I'm sorry you're having such a hard time, I've also had a hard time since leaving high school but it's good that you have a job and a place to stay. I think it's good that you're trying to find happiness in little things, you should continue doing that. Sometimes I have to settle for ridiculously small things to make me happy, like hitting two green lights in a row when driving. If you have hobbies or interests that you're passionate about make sure you give yourself time to pursue those things everyday. Also a huge thing for me was thinking of my friends and family. Honestly, half of the time I hate myself but my friends and family don't and if they love and care about you then there's got to be some aspects of yourself that you should love too. You're doing something right despite what your thoughts might tell you.

[littleorange8]

I’ve experienced this a little bit. What helps me is finding new hobbies/interests frequently. Usually I turn to YouTube for inspiration, or I turn to pets (this is assuming you consider whether you can take care of it and love it). I feel like a pet has given my life more meaning, and of course their little antics are funny too!