I ask myself all the time, what is this anxiety ridden life for. I watch the news, the same as everyone. I see children dying, starving people, people who have to walk miles to get safe water, people who have lost everything, physical disabilities like I could not even imagine, homeless children lying on the streets of Brazil where nightly someone comes out and shoots dead a few just to keep the numbers down, violence and terror attacks around the world... and I wonder what is my anxiety about. I can tell you and perhaps it will resonate with someone else. it is a lack of understanding, a lack of knowledge and a lack of trust. these things together culminate into a loneliness and fear. I don't know where anyone else's fear comes from and I would very much like to know.
living to die...: I ask myself all the... - Anxiety and Depre...
living to die...
Well I have a big fear of failing. In school I've pretty much been taught that if I don't get good grades and go to college my life will suck and I'll never be successful. Anytime I get fed up with my homework and think about just ripping it up I just can't because if I don't get good grades I won't get to go to a good college (I hate school and Kinda don't even want to go to college) and I'll just end up working at McDonald's for something for the rest of my life. But even if I do go to college I'm still afraid of getting a dead end job I hate that will make me question my reasons to get out of bed every day.
thanks for that, I'm interested in why we are all frightened. I think you are going to be fine, we all probably will be you know.
I’m scared of being alone. Even though I am a lot. The thing is though I have horrible social anxiety and a husband who loves alcohol more than me and never comes home. So right now I’m scared of everything! I’m scared of not pleasing God and ending up in eternal hell yet I feel like I’m already there. Then I look at the news and think wow I am so blessed, or I feel guilty for whining about my pathetic problems. Like I said I’m scared of everything.
thankyou for that, I appreciate what you have said. I want to keep speaking the truth on the forum and saying out loud what is wrong. I think that is the only way to change things.
I am afraid I have wasted my life working with my husband which I don’t want to do anymore. I am so unhappy doing it that it is causing my depression and anxiety to be out of control. I want another job, but I feel like I am too old to even try. I always thought that I would start another career eventually, but I think I waited too long.
We moved away from our entire family last year. I am scared I will never get back there. My grown kids are there. I want to go home.
So for me it’s the job. It’s where I live. It’s my age, and going through menopause. I’m not accepting any of this at all.
go! live your life. thankyou so much for your post, you are worth so much more.
Lostjoy. What interests you? In a perfect world, with no restrictions what would your dream job be? I’m not sure your hours or job and if they can be altered. Maybe you can even try a volunteer thing occasionally that has to do with your interests or passion. I used to volunteer at the homeless shelter and it was so rewarding. Then a gentleman I was talking to said that he had family that would take him in but all of his possessions were covered in bed bugs from being there. I guess it freaked me out and I’m nervous now. My cars not legal now though. You could also do something part time if you could work it in that’s just fun. I don’t think you are too old especially if just having menopause. The bright side of menopause is no monthly visitors. Just focus on that. I was forced into when I was trying to get pregnant. That’s the only thing that got me through. “At least no periods” was my mantra when it was killing me inside. You are never too old though. I’m disabled but got a silly meaningless job at a gas station one night a week. Now I’m the one in charge that night because the guy that works with me is crazier than I am. He comes to me for reassurance. Scary thought! I even took a sewing class once. Even if you keep your job you could sign up for an art class or a hobby type class. Just to do something new fun and maybe even challenging. Does your husband know how you feel? Start small. A class or volunteer. Anything can create a job. That way your taking baby steps in finding joy.
Thanks for your reply hopeful. I can’t do much until I make the choice to quit the job I have. I have my commercial drivers license which means I drive an 18 wheeler with my husband. The job is very demanding as to how much time we can stop in between loads while on the road. I’ve been doing this for 18 years. I am so very burnt out. I’m tired of packing, unpacking. Taking showers in truck stops. Sleeping while bouncing down the road. I am not able to be home the same days every week, so I can’t commit myself to volunteer anywhere. We got ourselves tied into buying our own truck with a truck payment of 2,600 a month not to mention other costs, plus we cashed out what retirement we had saved for the down payment on the truck. If I decide to quit my husband will only make 1/3 of what we make together which won’t cover our bills. Our only option is for me to quit, let the truck go back to finance, and file bankruptcy. I’m not sure I can be ok with that. It would be much easier on me though. My husband could get a company job again so we could have some decent health care. As it is right now when I applied for obama care the cost per month for my husband and I is $1,600 a month with a 7,000 deductible per years. There’s no way we can afford that. I just can’t believe we got ourselves into this mess. It’s taking its toll on me with stress and worry which has turned into depression and horrible anxiety.
Thank you for trying to help. It felt good to be able to get that off my chest.
I hope your doing ok.
As for what my dream job would be. I think I would like to do something in the medical field. Some type of work in a hospital helping people. I always thought I would like to study the brain because my Mother is schizophrenic. It’s something I could never understand. Her episodes were quite traumatizing when I was a child. I have 6 siblings all who have been in and out of foster care growing up. It’s so sad that here we are with all of this advanced technology, but still no answers when it comes to mental illness. SSDI’s haven’t worked for me. I would love to be able to take that genealogy test to find out which medications are a fit for my brain chemicals, but I won’t be able to do that unless we get some good insurance.
For me the uncertainty of life, jobs, want to move etc. Seems pathetic when you see the suffering that happens but it really causes me anxiety.
thankyou for that. I hope the move that you want comes sooner rather than later.
I have those exact feelings. I think I may have made your post just under your name. Sounds like something I would say. I do want to move, don’t know future etc. Are we twins? I’m sure your not a crazy 46 year old woman but wow. That’s my life!
My fear comes from not knowing or a lack of certainty. Not knowing what is coming, I fear all of the horrible possibilities that the news and social media project everyday.
thankyou for that, saying it and putting it out there is so good.
My fear is ending up alone and housebound with no one knowing or caring. My mental health has always been dodgy but my physical health has always been very good until the last few years. I don't fear death itself but I do fear dying slowly and horribly.
I think that is a fear shared by everyone. There are no guarantees in life which makes the world a scary place. I guess you just have to concentrate on getting through the next hour, day etc. I push people away when I am in the grip of anxiety, which makes any fear I have, even more likely. It truly is a difficult and exhausting condition.
thankyou for your post, saying it how it is might make it different. maybe get people in your life, get back in touch with people who have been in our lives and somehow got forgotten.
My fear is distrust from my childhood where I had neglect etc and was in care and subsequent unpleasant events. I do work and help others. I don't watch the news much. I find it too depressing and can't concentrate on it much.
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