Anxiety and Depression Support

Anxiety in Arguments

Hi Guys,

I find I get quite high anxiety during arguments with friends or people who have a social status. Especially when they attack me with their words rather than my argument. Also if it gets heated. I dont like the confrontation.

Has anyone got any tips for dealing with it? I really like to debate so it can be an issue with friends that cannot conduct themselves appropriately.

19 Replies
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Mark Twain had a great saying. 'Never debate with stupid people coz they will drag you down to their level and beat you with experience'.

If I think a conversation is going that way I opt out of it as it's not worth the aggro. If you are stuck in it and people try and change the discussion reiterate what you are saying in a calm way. Don't allow yourself to get sidetracked and keep bringing it back to the original point.

Easier said than done I know but it does work to take the heat out of it. Another trick is to lower your voice to a soft level and you will find most times they will too. I did this when a sister and my mother verbally and aggressively attacked me. Their eyes were snapping like jackels and it was awful. My sister kept winding herself up even more but my mother calmed right down after I refused to get angry. At the end they both ran out of steam. I turned to the sister and said 'I don't know you' then turned to my mother and said 'I don't know you either'. I didn't talk to either of them for over 3 months. They never tried it again :) Ok I was in an awful state afterwards but they never knew that.

The point I am trying to make is while you can't control how others react you can control how you do. x

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Thanks for you help, Hypercat54. That quote is brill lmao. I almost feel like I'm losing something if my friend says something provocative, like I should correct him/her or defend myself. But I guess its not worth the headache.

Cheers again :)

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No it's not. Also a little bit of advice someone once gave me. Pick your battles :) x

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For a long time I could crush people in arguments, I could make a grown man cry. I was quick and brutal, I took no prisoners.

This never made me feel good. I have worked on acceptance and rational thought. Now I listen, then evaluate. I use logic to guide my response.

Here’s a tip:

An argument can only be won by facts. Add emotion to an argument and you have lost. If what is presented is emotion, it’s probably not worth a response. Control only yourself and differentiate between opinion and fact.

This wisdom is free but it is very powerful. It is the pebble in the masters hand.

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That a brilliant plan for arguing with intellectuals, or when your audience is full of logical people. Its what I try to do, but just by watching Question Time you see that the "liberal" arguments that stoke up the most emotion generally get the loudest applause. Unfortunately most people (including myself at times, but only rarely) succumb to their emotions during a debate

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The only applause I seek is from myself. Control is not an easy thing, it takes a lot of practice.

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Sounds like you need to hang with people who appreciate you.

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That's true, but people don't fall into categories of appreciative and unappreciative that easily. I stay with the friends that support me, but even then people can be inconsiderate

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Including all of us here! We can all be inconsiderate at times and often don't even realise it x.

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No.

I'm perfect.

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Jk lmao

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Well you can't be human then! :d x

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Well, at least you have a sense of humor. As far as political debates, well I have been there, and it can get heated I know.

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Yes, to that!

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I just try to remind myself that an empty vessel makes the most noise, keep to what you feel is correct and stand by your opinions and most of all remember that another persons opinion is just that, an opinion not fact, they’re opinions are not more relevant than yours and are not necessarily correct. In the end there’s nothing wrong with you stating that they are entitled to their opinions but you do not agree. I used to be like you I hated confrontation and would bow down to others, it lowered my self esteem so much that now I am ferocious in defending myself and my right to speak and have an opinion.Hope this helps.Have a nice night and take care.

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Cheers mate,

Appreciate the empathy. It is people like you that make this website such a great place :) Take care

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Anytime Jsc we are all in the same boat.Take care.

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Right on as we say!

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Thanks gogogirl😃

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