I'm not angry with my cousin, I'm just done. My maternal family has the same temperament. They generalize everything. According to her I've been a problem since I moved in. Her exhusband although he's a drug using bipolar with an explosive temper can come over anytime because " he financially " do things for her". Well he should since he was abusive, got hooked on crack and drained their 401K. Although he's no longer on crack, he drinks and smokes weed with his meds daily. After the altercation between me and my cousin, I don't want to have anything to do with her. We were once very cl9se but after she told me that i cause trouble every other day and she didn't want to speak to me for a week. She wants me to move. Don't talk to her unless it's an emergency. Yet with all the chaos here I was hospitalized twice in 10 years. But I'm the trouble maker. And the texts and e-mail she sent me really hurt. Today she tried to start a conversation with me and I just answered yes or no and went to my room. What she said was ringing in my head for 2 days. I don't want to talk. I'm having a lot of anxiety because if i have a conversation with her, I'll be on edge waiting for the other proverbial shoe to drop. I lived like that with my mama. I'm too old to go thru it again. It's really difficult when you live with someone who excuses her ex-husband's behavior yet i pay rent with more than half of my disabilty check for a bedroom that's small and the guest community bathroom. But i can't have any input. In her words " I'm gonna do me" which includes taking celexa and chasing it with a few glasses of wine. But I'm the sick one.
I'm looking for a part-time job at age 64 so i can buy furniture, pay off my cash car and the $154 i owe her before i leave. I feel trapped. I just stay in my room when she gets home. I go back to my volunteer job next week plus i have to get a part-time job. Pray that I'll survive so I'll get out of here with my some of my sanity still in tact.