Still a little upset and hurt about the tangent my cousin went on and on and on about Monday

[MorticiaBlue]

I'm not angry with my cousin, I'm just done. My maternal family has the same temperament. They generalize everything. According to her I've been a problem since I moved in. Her exhusband although he's a drug using bipolar with an explosive temper can come over anytime because " he financially " do things for her". Well he should since he was abusive, got hooked on crack and drained their 401K. Although he's no longer on crack, he drinks and smokes weed with his meds daily. After the altercation between me and my cousin, I don't want to have anything to do with her. We were once very cl9se but after she told me that i cause trouble every other day and she didn't want to speak to me for a week. She wants me to move. Don't talk to her unless it's an emergency. Yet with all the chaos here I was hospitalized twice in 10 years. But I'm the trouble maker. And the texts and e-mail she sent me really hurt. Today she tried to start a conversation with me and I just answered yes or no and went to my room. What she said was ringing in my head for 2 days. I don't want to talk. I'm having a lot of anxiety because if i have a conversation with her, I'll be on edge waiting for the other proverbial shoe to drop. I lived like that with my mama. I'm too old to go thru it again. It's really difficult when you live with someone who excuses her ex-husband's behavior yet i pay rent with more than half of my disabilty check for a bedroom that's small and the guest community bathroom. But i can't have any input. In her words " I'm gonna do me" which includes taking celexa and chasing it with a few glasses of wine. But I'm the sick one.

I'm looking for a part-time job at age 64 so i can buy furniture, pay off my cash car and the $154 i owe her before i leave. I feel trapped. I just stay in my room when she gets home. I go back to my volunteer job next week plus i have to get a part-time job. Pray that I'll survive so I'll get out of here with my some of my sanity still in tact.

[DragonTears]

Hi MorticiaBlue,

Sorry to hear about your situation. It is not easy living with someone who does not support you or understand you. It really does not matter if it is a parent, partner, cousin or roomies. You are an adult person and you need your independence, your say and control over your life. it sounds like you are trapped, like you say. Dealing with your own issues certainly is not helped when there is another person who's bad behaviour seems to be OK while you get the blame. I think it sounds like your cousin is using you as a scapegoat for their own issues. It is not fair. I am happy to hear that you are going back to your volunteer job, even if there is no income, you get to leave the house and talk to other people, that's actually really great! It will keep you from sitting alone in your room in tat atmosphere. I really hope you can find some part-time work, I know it can be hard, especially with rejection. Keep talking to us here on the forum, we understand and can support you and hopefully make you feel less alone. Keep going, you are worth it!

[MorticiaBlue in reply to DragonTears]

Thank you so much DragonTears for your encouraging words. I just want to stay out the house and stay out of her path til I move. I don't feel as close to her as i once was and i know when I'm having an anxiety attack i cam be harsh too but I never imagine that she doesn't take any responsibility. And it's always me. Maybe that's why she and my mom got along so well. They were two of a kind. Thank you again. Peace and Blessings