Domestic Violence Survivor

[Msbridge]

Hello. I am a DV Survivor and left my abuser in July of 2017. I developed severe PTSD and my depression and anxiety worsened after leaving him. I am getting stronger everyday but I am not having a good week. I did recently start weekly therapy and am in a support group but am having issues when I am not working. My anxiety has gotten so bad I sometimes feel like a prisoner in my own body when I’m home. Would love to hear from anyone that maybe went or is going through something similar. I am highly functioning when I’m not alone with friends at work or with family but being along at home is extremely painful for me. Probably because my home life for 6 years was so toxic.... anyhow would love some positive reinforcements or tips. I’m really struggling. Much Love

[Hidden]

I too am a victim of dv. It's very traumatic and the anxiety from it never goes away. You will always have the flashbacks and sometimes they come out of nowhere. I commend you for getting out. Some people are too scared to get out and they Stay until it's too late. It will get better and easier with time I promise you that. Just keep thinking how good your new found freedom feels.

[DragonTears]

Hi MsBridge,

I had a toxic relationship a few years ago, not physical in my case, but oh so psychological. The man was a manipulator of the highest degree and a control freak. It is amazing (and a use the word negatively) how someone can pick you apart and mess with your mind to the point when you become dependent on them for every little decision. I found myself measuring my self-worth by his opinion. I would do everything to please him and blamed every failure on myself. I guess with my anxiety and depression, I was so willing to live off his every word. I didn't even notice that HE was doing it to ME not the other way around. Once the relationship ended by him "setting me free" (read, threw me aside when he got bored) I was nothing....I had built everything around him and his rules, and all of a sudden I was alone without any sense of myself. Everything that structured my day was gone and I did not know how to breathe. I had to start to piece myself back together somehow...bit by bit. To re-discover who I was. I had to prove to myself that I could do things without him. Oh it hurt to be tossed aside when I did everything for him. I felt so useless, worthless and ugly. This is now over 4 years ago and I am still feeling it in certain situations, i am still learning to me by myself sometimes. I feel I don't trust easily and always have a plan B should people let me down. But I have created a better me. And it is the true me. I am still flawed and struggle with depression and anxiety, but I am stronger than before and my strength does not depend on anyone else, which feels good.

I recognise the being alone at home so much. Distraction is key. It can be anything you enjoy doing, even the smallest things. plan ahead for your evenings or days at home. Buy in food you like, prep for watching a series, play music and light scented candles. I found that if I could prepare a treat-box with stuff I like that I could always go to, that would give me something to look forward to. In my box I would have magazines I like, a new film/box-set, some fluffy warm socks, a tea with a new flavour, a notebook and a sketching pad. One of those adult-y colouring books with a set of pens. In the fridge I would have a fancy soft-drink, nice cheese, some chocolate and hot dogs (I love hot dogs). It can be anything really.

I know I have to avoid those moments when stuff "hits me" when alone. Guided meditation and being on this forum has also helped me a lot

Let us know how you get on! Take care.

[Sprinkle1]

I just want to say I am proud of you for getting out, I know it is not easy, but it will improve. I find the first year after a big trauma is the worst, when the year turns over it gets a little easier. I am so glad you are in therapy and a support group. Are you on any medication for your depression & PTSD ? I would talk to your Dr. if I were you, no need to suffer when there is help available. I take Lorazepam for anxiety, it works quickly (about 1 hr) and does not have side affects. I like being by myself, but I find music helps to break the silence. We are here for you, you are Not alone. I send you warm love, big hugs and peace. Sprinkle 1